Monday, March 28, 2005

The Soup Nazis Work?

More fast food news. A woman eating her Wendy's chili almost consumes a "well-done" finger. She apparently felt something unusual in her mouth before spitting it out and looking at it. When she identified it, she yelled out for everyone in the joint to stop eating and went to the restroom and got sick. Yeah, I don't know about you, but I'd think that is pretty much how it went down.

Since no one working at the restaurant was missing any fingers, it obviously arrived at that restaurant premixed into the chili.

According to a friend, the woman was on one of the morning shows today. Probably Good Morning Today or one of those types. I heard she was actually asked what it felt like to have a finger in her mouth. Nice question, huh? Must have been Katie Sawyer, journalist extraordinaire. How do you think it felt? Can there be more than one answer to this question? I'll guarantee wonderful is not going to be the response, Diane. Apparently the woman gulped several times recounting her horror. What in the world possessed this woman to go on the program is beyond me. Of course, her lawyer was right next to her, if that is any indication. But if this happened to me, I'd choose anonymity. This woman will forever be known as the "finger-chili woman", and that's an identity I could live without (especially since I'm not a woman).

Several questions have popped in to my mind since I heard about this story...
How'd you like to be another customer that day who had the chili? You'd spend the rest of your life wondering what you may have unknowingly consumed. I bet the daily consumption of peroxide and alcohol for these poor people will be at all time highs for the foreseeable future.

What else was in the chili vat? Perhaps they haven't found the source person missing a finger part because the person is actually missing a whole hand or even arm.

Could this have been the work of the Steak 'n' Shake next door? They're pretty proud of their chili. Are they and Wendy's locked in some kind of out of control chili war? Perhaps there is a rivalry that has heated up way beyond being labeled psychotic.

How do they know it was a "female" finger? Fingers are not anatomically correct. Was there polish on the nail?

How'd you like to be the detective assigned to this case? Child- "What are you working on, daddy?" Father (holding up object)- "Well son, I have to figure out whose FINGER THIS IS."

I can't wait to hear how this turns out. Oh wait, I can. I hope Greta doesn't get a hold of this one.

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