Thursday, September 21, 2006

Thursday's With Mean Gene

Scottius Maximus Productions, a wholly owned subsidiary of Scottius Maximus Enterprises, is pleased to present another episode in the continuing educational series, Thursdays With Mean Gene Okerlund*.

Mean Gene?


MGO: Thanks much, Scotty. I'm pleased to welcome back to the show today Randy Savage. Macho Man, how've you been?


MMRS: OOOOOOOH, I'VE BEEN FEELING REALLY ORNERY THIS PAST WEEK, MEAN GENE!

MGO: How so?

MMRS: WELL, YOU KNOW, MEAN GENE, FEW WESTERNERS REALLY CARE TO ADMIT THAT THERE IS A CLASH OF CIVILIZATIONS THAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD! EVEN OUR PRESIDENT MISTAKENLY SAYS THIS WAR ISN'T ABOUT ISLAM! OOOOOH, MEAN GENE, THAT JUST MAKES ME WANNA SSSCCRREEEAAAAAM!!!!!! WELL, SOMEBODY BETTER WAKE THAT MAN UP! WE'D ALL BETTER REALIZE THAT ISLAM IS AT WAR WITH US! ALWAYS HAS BEEN! JUST READ YOUR HISTORY BOOKS, KIDS! THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT TO CONQUER THE WORLD! IF YOU CAN'T SEE THAT, YOU'VE TAKEN TOO MANY PILE-DRIVERS TO THE COCONUT! OOOHHH YEEEAAHHHH!

MGO: Well, I don't know, reasonable people can disagree about-


MMRS: NOOOOOOOO, STOP RIGHT THERE, MEAN GENE! AS MY GOOD FRIENDS AT GATES OF VIENNA RIGHTLY POINT OUT, THIS IS JUST THE LATEST ROUND OF A WAR THAT HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR THE PAST 1300 YEARS! YEAAAAHHH, THAT'S A LONG TIME, MEAN GENE! ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT WESTERN CIVILIZATION IS NOW WORTHLESS AND WEAK! LIKE THE HONKY-TONK MAN'S STOMACH! WE HAVE VERY FEW REAL CITIZEN WARRIORS LEFT! IT'S LIKE I'M SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF PUSSIES! OOOOOOHH YEAAAAAH! LIKE, WEENIE-HUT, HERE I COME!

MGO: You're going to have to opine further- your generalizations are casting a net of aspersion on the entire West.

MMRS: OOOOOOHH, THAT'S RIGHT MEAN GENE, I AM CASTING THAT NET FAR AND WIDE! IF THE NET FITS, WEAR IT BABY! 'OOOOOH, MACHO MAN, WE'RE TIRED OF ALL THIS! WE CAN ALL LEARN TO JUST GET ALONG! WE JUST NEED TO BE MORE SENSITIVE TO HOW THEY FEEL ABOUT US!' OOOHHH, MEAN GENE, I'M TELLING YA, THE ONLY THING YOU'RE GOING TO NEED TO BE LEARNIN' PRETTY SOON IS HOW TO PRAY LIKE A MUSLIM, IF YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP LETTING THEM BEAT YOU DOWN LIKE A WHIPPED DOG! THAT'S NOT WHAT THE MACHO MAN IS ABOUT, MEAN GENE!


MGO: So, Randy Savage is no diplomate?

MMRS: OOOOOOHHHHH, MEAN GENE, YOU MISS THE POINT! DIPLOMACY ONLY WORKS WITH CIVILIZED PEOPLE! THESE PEOPLE DON'T RESPECT THAT! A COMPROMISING POSITION IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS!

MGO: What did you think of the pope's message last week and this week's apology?

MMRS: ARRRRRRRRRRHHHHHH, YOU KNOW MEAN GENE, THE POPE HAS ONCE AGAIN SHOWN HIS TRUE COLORS. YOU SHOULD READ WHAT MY GOOD FRIEND, PASTOR MCCAIN, HAS TO SAY! YOU SEE, MEAN GENE, THE POPE DID NOTHING WRONG IN WHAT HIS SPEECH SAID, BUT THEN HE GOES AND KOW-TOWS TO A COMPLETELY SEPARATE, FALSE RELIGION BY APOLOGIZING! FOR NOTHING! OOOOOOHHHHH! HE ONCE AGAIN SHOWS THE OFFICE OF THE POPE IS NOT A CHRISTIAN/CATHOLIC ONE, BUT A POLITICAL ONE! NOT ONLY THE SEAT OF ANTI-CHRIST, BUT THE SEAT OF ONE NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN, THE PACIFIER! OOOOOOOOHHHHH YEAAAAHHHH! HOW LONG, MEAN GENE, HOW LONG WILL THE WEST CONTINUE TO SUBJUGATE ITSELF TO ITS ISLAMIC MASTER? HOW LONG TILL WE ARE THE ONES DOING THE DEMANDING! THAT MUSLIMS APOLOGIZE FOR KILLING CIVILIANS, KIDNAPPING AND PARADING HOSTAGES IN FRONT OF CAMERAS, SLAYING NUNS, AND USING WOMEN AND CHILDREN AS THEIR OWN PERSONAL SHIELDS IN COMBAT? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MEAN GENE, HOW LONG?????

MGO: Well, Macho Man, you've got me there. But I have a feeling you're going to be waiting awhile.

MMRS: WELL, YOU KNOW, MEAN GENE, AS MY GOOD FRIEND, GENE EDWARD VIETH, POINTS OUT, THE MUSLIM WORLD PROTESTED THE INSINUATION THAT ISLAM IS A VIOLENT RELIGION BY ERUPTING IN VIOLENCE! OOOOOOH YEAAAAAAH! WHAT AN INDICTMENT! I THINK SOME OF THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN SMASHED INTO THE TURNBUCKLE TOO MANY TIMES! NOW, MEAN GENE, DON'T GET ME WRONG, I'M NOT ADVOCATING VIOLENCE AT ALL AGAINST THESE PEOPLE! I JUST THINK IT'S TIME FOR WESTERN CIVILIZATION TO STAND UP FOR ITSELF! TO STOP HAVING SO-CALLED 'WHITE GUILT'! AND I'M HERE TO START DROP KICKING THAT POINT OF VIEW INTO THE FRONT ROW SEATS, MEAN GENE! OOOOOOOOHHHHH YEAAAAAAAAAHH!

MGO: Well, Macho Man, I'd like to thank you for being on the show again. Your point of view, although crude, is as usual, right on target!

MMRS: OOOOOOH YEAAAH, THANKS MEAN GENE!


MGO: Back to you, Mr. Maximus!


*- If you're too boneheaded to know this, these are not necessarily the views of Mean Gene or Mr. Savage, and they really didn't say these things. I merely present what should be common sense to all in an entertainment vehicle. So shut up.

2 comments:

Quipper said...

Scottius,

Three great posts - consecutively, in a row, with nothing in between! You reached the boiling point mere days before I did.

Well said. And the disclaimer was a good idea. You never know these days.

Scottius Maximus said...

Quipper!

Thank you, kind sir.