Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Why Am I Always The Last To Know?


Saturday I was shopping for groceries with Lucy. I won't give the name of the store. But it rhymes with Clam's Sub.

So I'm checking out at the counter, and I notice that as each item is scanned, the name of the item appears on a tiny screen before me along with the price.

When the checker gets to the gallons of milk, I notice the phrase "Homo Milk" each time the Vitamin D whole milk is scanned.

So I think to myself, what the heck is this all about?

Does this scanner have some kind of invisible "Homo" radar that is on the fritz? Or is there something about myself that I don't know?


Fortunately, there aren't a lot of people in the store at that early hour, but nonetheless I'm finding myself scouting around for anyone who might be getting the wrong idea about me.

Then the chicken breasts get scanned and I don't see the words "Homo Chicken". So then I think to myself, hey, maybe it's not labeling me afterall. But that means that the scanner is calling the milk itself "Homo."

Is that possible? Is there "Homo" milk? What is that? Milk "blessed" by someone who is homosexual? Or can food, like humans, be "Homo"? Maybe we have homosexual cows?

But since cows are females, wouldn't that technically be called "Lesbian" milk? Didn't see that phrase pop up on the scanner one time. Maybe the milk has the power to make one "Homo"? Or can "non-Homo" milk become "Homo", such as in the cheese or butter making processes? In other words, conversion.


At that point my mind was off to the races, and I just wanted to get out of the store. But when I glanced at the ticket, there it was, the same thing in black and white. "Homo Milk". Curse you, Clam's Sub, for making me worry so much on a Saturday.


If you have such a store nearby, go buy some Vitamin D whole milk and see what YOU get.


I know one thing. I'm not drinking that stuff.

14 comments:

Marie N. said...

Thanks for the laugh.

TKls2myhrt said...

As a 50% Canadian, I can safely assure you that the phrase "homo" milk is used everyday in Canada: http://emily.icomm.ca/isms.html

Not sure about the Sam's Club...oops Clam's Sub connection to Canada.

Scottius Maximus said...

MarieN!

Thanks, you're welcome. But then again, are you saying thanks because you think it's funny I don't recognize something about myself everybody else sees, or is it funny because...it's funny?

TK!

Which side of you is Canadian?

I'm not drinking Canadian milk, now, either.

Angus G Van Halen said...

Don't start making fun of my whole milk...

TKls2myhrt said...

Well, none since I turned 21 and had to choose sides. My father became a naturalized citizen when I was around 10.

Scottius Maximus said...

Angus!

Sorry about that, Chief. But it's not whole milk I have a problem with.

TK!

Cool. I was thinking maybe you were born on the border. You know, half in and half out.

Lutheran Lucy said...

Now honey, what am I going to do with you? lol :)

Kletos Sumboulos said...

Strangely enough, my mother-in-law refers to VitD milk strictly as "homo," as in "would you mind bringing me a tall glass of homo?" It took quite a while before I was okay with that.

Scottius Maximus said...

Kletos!

What a riot! I'm speechless!

Des_Moines_Girl said...

Scottius!

Shouldn't that be "Homooo" milk?

Why that's udderly ridiculous!

4Js4HIM said...

Too funny! I'll bet that cold glass of Homo (homogenized) milk tasted really good.

Karen McL said...

Homo Milk...right next to the Swiss-Cheese for Brains! *smile*

(Sorry that was too good to pass up!)

Karen McL said...

BTW, that does remind me of a family story from when I was a kid.

My father grew up on a farm in Iowa, and we used to visit it as children. I must have been about 4 to my sister’s age of 6, and I remember that she was appalled that they tried to serve her milk that came from a Cow!

My sister may not have known much…but she was sure her milk came in glass bottles and was COLD and didn’t have cream ya scraped off the top – Oh there was gonna be no FOOLing her into tasting that weird STUFF that came out of the udders of a beast of the field! She was too smart for that ole trick!

She wasn't having any of it...Homo or NOT. :-)

Scottius Maximus said...

DMG!

What the...?!!!!

4JS!

I'm not going there, either.

Karen McL!

You can't put a comment about "udders" with a picture that says "bite me". That's far called "pictural-commenticus-clashicus", and could bring down heavy fines from our increaingly overbearing government.