Friday, January 05, 2007

Be Prepared For A Thrill Today

As I'm putting on my pants today, my left leg misfired, and my foot caught something on the inside of my pants. My foot and leg were stopped and my ears heard what sounded like a rip.

I looked the pants over as good as I could and found no holes visible. So I concluded it must have been the zipper, which I discovered was not fully disengaged to begin with. Since I would have to change the rest of my outfit if I decided to wear another pair of pants, and since I am lazy, I just decided to go with it.

As soon as I'm pulling away from my house I'm having second thoughts about my decision. Maybe I missed something. Maybe I'm happily flapping in the breeze, blissfully ignorant.

So I begin to look myself over when I get out of the car and find some light. But then I think that is an awful strange thing to do to oneself where others can see. So I boldly pressed onward.

Around others, I feel strangely exposed and vulnerable. Can they see something I can't? Perhaps I am fodder for laughter the moment I'm gone. My fears are slowly becoming paranoia.

I fight the urge to look and feel around "down there" for a hole or tear or rip, concluding that would look worse for me than any real defect in my attire. So I carry on.

I try to convince myself that such things are no big deal. That it is just vanity. It's just a superficiality whether my clothing keeps me modest and humble. If that's what's important to somebody, they're just shallow, right?

Relaxing a little, I can begin to strut around. What have I got to be ashamed of anyway? Then I'm bothered by my conscience. Pride is very unbecoming, and, we are warned, comes before a fall.

So I slouch back down and begin to hurriedly move about. I check my fly on the run for the 12th time. The next nine hours of my day should be interesting, if not long.

My intention? To remain seated with knees together at my desk for as much of the day as possible. Toileting and eating are over-rated anyway. It'll be dark when I leave.

I should be fine.

7 comments:

Barb the Evil Genius said...

Do we get a follow-up to this story? :D

Scottius Maximus said...

Barb!

Only this...I safely returned to my humble abode last night. I am ignorant of anything else and shall hope to remain that way.

Lutheran Lucy said...

Barb, let me tell you something!! I was with Scottius for about 5 hours a little while after this happened and knew nothing of it until now!! :) It was a busy day and night for all of us! (We usually eat supper together and didn't last night due to a youth group activity attended by Angus and me.) So ... it must have not been too bad of an ordeal! Perhaps I can find out the ending for ya!! :) I just have to say that I am usually the one that has these embarrassing ordeals happen!! :)

TKls2myhrt said...

That is one funny story! It reminds of this one really flowing skirt I have which has, once or twice, gotten tucked into places it shouldn't. I've never been discovered by anyone except my daughter and myself in this situation, but I every time I wear that skirt I am continually turning around to check and/or running my hands down my back side just to be sure. It's a rather new skirt, or I'd just throw it in the garbage. Too much of a mental workout to wear!

Scottius Maximus said...

Luce!

Nobody knew. But you didn't notice me go anywhere at lunch, now, did you?

TK!

Understood completely by me. It is fatiguing.

Lutheran Lucy said...

Chimpie, I am sorry!! But I am glad that today was a better Friday for you with no troublesome worries as last Friday!! :) This was my Friday for little problems, right? :) You are the best and do a good job of putting up with me! :)

Lutheran Lucy said...

TK, your skirt incident reminds me of the little problems I would have with my uniform skirt I had to wear for high school. It would invariably fly up on a windy day! My face must have turned a thousand shades of red whenever that happened! Some clothes are just not worth the trouble or "mental workouts", are they? :)