Thursday, April 26, 2007

The States Of My Mind

I found myself looking at a map of the United States, and I thought, I can do better than this.

Whoever drew this thing up was either drunk or crazy or both.

Several thoughts came to my mind.


1) Why doesn't Wisconsin invade the upper peninsula of Michigan and annex it? That's a no-brainer. I've never understood why that piece of land belongs to Michigan.

2) Just like East and West Germany reunited, as did North and South Vietnam, how long until North Dakota and South Dakota are joined back together? It just ain't natural.

3) Same goes for the Carolinas and Virginias.

4) Once the Dakotas are rejoined, talks could be initiated with neighboring Minnesota to create the Midwestern superpower of Dakota-sota.

5) We should offer to trade Hawaii to Canada for British Columbia. It's every bit as gorgeous and would make all 50 states contiguous.

6) All of Illinois south of I-74 should secede from the state and join Missouri. That's a win-win situation in that southern tax dollars won't feel like they're being wasted in the sinkhole of Chicago, and the capital of Illinois can "officially" be named Chicago, which it unofficially has been for years. Illinois could then invade Indiana to stake a claim on it, creating the great state of Illianoisa.

8) The names of the states of California and New Mexico would be swapped. The New could then be dropped from New Mexico, creating the state of Mexico, which in reality already exists, except in name.

9) The people in Utah should declare war on Wyoming for that little piece of land in southwestern Wyoming which, if owned by Utah, would make Utah a nice rectangular shape.

10) Likewise, Alabama should take over the Florida panhandle, Oklahoma the Texas panhandle, and Missisippi should drive out eastern Louisiana to the Gulf Coast.

11) Vermont and New Hampshire should unite to become Vermonshire.

12) Likewise, Rhode Island and Connecticut will combine forces by uniting to form Rhodecticut, and declare war on Massachusetts for control of the cape.


So, after all of this, here is what I think the U.S. SHOULD look like:



Then we rename the whole thing after me. Enough of Amerigo what's his name. It's now-

THE UNITED STATES OF SCOTTIUS MAXIMUS.

2 comments:

Barb the Evil Genius said...

How long did it take you to think all this up? And is British Columbia really as attractive as Hawaii? In a tropical way? Then again, it might be cheaper to go to Hawaii if it gets taken over by a country with a favorable exchange rate...

Scottius Maximus said...

Barb!

About 5 days. I'm tired now and want to go to bed.

British Columbia is sorta subtropical.