With apologies to the great David Letterman...
Top 10 Reasons The St. Louis Cardinals Have Started The Season 0-3:
10. Providing fodder for stale Scottius Maximus posts.
9. Worrying about unusual freezing temperatures killing spring flower buds.
8. Too busy calling American Idol multiple times to vote for Sanjaya.
7. Can only play well in October.
6. Jealous of Joe Morgan's crush on Jose Reyes.
5. Distracted by Anna Nicole news.
4. Missing Ronnie Belliard.
2. Inexplicable idolizing of the 1998 defending champions, the Florida Marlins.
1. Gave up winning for Lent.