Saturday, March 31, 2007
Friday, March 30, 2007
we now have word of a Saturday marathon...
of another 1980s classic...
to be shown on ESPN Classic...
this Saturday March 31st...
starting at 12 PM CDT...
until 6 PM CDT...
Ladies and Gentleman...
1. My favorite games were The Joust, Powerball, and Assault.
2. I couldn't stand 'Nitro'.
3. 'Atlasphere' was like watching hamsters race.
4. Where are they now?
Thursday, March 29, 2007
I thought someone would guess the above, which launched the career of MJ. It was 25 years ago today. But that still would be wrong.
Twenty years ago today, one of the greatest moments in sports entertainment occurred.
How could you all forget?
Alright, I'll give the answer, but when you hear it you're going to slap your forehead like a V-8 disciple.
Better yet, I'll just link to it.
No, better yet, I'll put up the main event right here. Enjoy it like it was yesterday. Because it had everything:
And of course, there was the main event-
This was entertainment at its finest and the pinnacle of the Golden Age of the WWF.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Wednesday- Joshua 4, 5 and 6. Luke 10:1-24.
Joshua 7 and 8. Luke 10:25-42.
Joshua 9 and 10. Luke 11:1-28.
Joshua 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15. Luke 11:29-54 and Luke 12.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Walt Garrison would be proud.
The former Cowboys running back used to hawk chew back when I was a kid. I loved how he pronounced Skoal, Copenhagen, and Happy Days Mint.
I'd swear he was saying, "Sko', Copenhygen, and Happa Dyes Mee-yant." Just a "peench" between your cheek and gum.
Anyway, Busch Stadium is now a smokeless facility.
I'm not a smoker, so it won't affect me, but I like the fact that Busch Stadium is now smoke-free.
But I do have two questions-
1) Is it possible to make hot dogs without producing smoke?
2) Will spittoons be installed on the backs of stadium seats in order to eject tobacco juices?
Monday, March 19, 2007
Friday, March 16, 2007
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
But it's 80 degrees here. So I've gone on vacation.
And since I'm on vacation, I have a guest host today. And I think he's just what I need to have the best garden in the world. Ladies and gentleman...
I am Gunnery Sgt. Ermey your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be sir. Do you maggots understand that?
"Sir, yes, sir."
[Bleep] I can't hear you. From now on sound off like you've got a pair.
"SIR, YES, SIR."
Well now, what do we have here poking their greasy little heads through the soil?
"Sir, here, sir."
Did your parents have any children that lived?! If they did I'm sure they're sorry.
"Sir, here, sir."
You're so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece.
"Sir, here, sir."
Were you born worthless, or did you have to work at it?
"Sir, here, sir."
You are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth.
"Sir, here, sir."
You are nothing more than unorganized grabastic pieces of amphibian [bleep].
Chrysanthemums? Chrysanthemums? Where are you [bleep]ing sorry pieces of rat turd? What exactly is your major malfunction, numbnuts?
Herman's Archangel? Herman's Archangel? I'm going to give you 3 seconds...exactly 3 [bleep]ing seconds...to get your useless slimey twinkle-toed blood-sucking carcass out of that ground.
Well, now, it looks like we've got ourselves a couple of AWOL scumbag plants in our garden here WHO HAVE JUST SIGNED THEIR OWN DEATH WARRANT!
As for the rest of you, now...I consider all of you equally worthless. You will learn that I am hard. You will not like me, but the more you hate me, the more you will grow.
If you ladies leave my island, if you survive my plant training, you will be a force, ministers of blooming praying for pollination. But until that day, you are pukes. And my orders are to weed out all slackers who are not fit to serve in my beloved Corps.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
How do I know this?
Not the UN, that cites animals raised for food creating more greenhouse gases than cars and trucks combined.
Not the skeptical scientists who are coming out of the closet, so to speak, to condemn the idea.
Nope, I know it's over simply on the basis of this:
Yes, folks, the cover curse of Sports Illustrated.
Put something or someone on the cover of that magazine, and disaster is sure to ensue.
So don't worry. We'll all be fine.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Monday, March 05, 2007
Unfortunately, none of the photos on that website come with a story.
So, fresh off their trip to the Holy Land, I had to re-dispatch the Scottius Maximus Enterprises crack team of reporters to Jupiter, Florida, to find out the stories behind the photos. No thanks are necessary.
Our first photo involves Tony LaRussa's old friend and ex-Dallas Cowboy head coach Bill Parcells. Why is Parcells in camp? While most of you are probably thinking he is there to give a motivational speech, or to be LaRussa's "second" in a duel with Scott Rolen (although the Rolen-LaRussa feud is now reported as resolved), you'd be wrong on both accounts.
He's actually here to organize this:
That's right, The St. Louis Cardinals Chorus Line. Rumor has it that Bill is a huge Broadway show fan. And while he has a reputation as being a great NFL coach, he has an even bigger talent as a choreography coach. He's trying to get the Cardinals ready for an opening day 7th inning stretch show, a salute to the 2006 World Series Champions. Kick those legs up, boys.
Sometimes when a team wins a National League Pennant, or a World Series, they begin to think they can do more than they actually can. Witness the above. And witness this:
Yadier Molina is catching this year without a glove. When asked why, he was quite convinced it would make him a better catcher. "I'd be the only one in the majors doing it," he said confidently. "I'm already the best defensive catcher in the National League. This way, I'll be able to catch and throw in one motion. Just see how many runners I pick off or catch stealing this year."
When reminded of Scott Rolen's near disastrous efforts to play third base with his teeth when he forgot his glove during Spring Training two years ago, Yadi was incredulous. "I'm not playing with my teeth. You think I'm stupid?"
Yadi is not the only one playing without standard equipment. Albert Pujols has caught the hubris bug also. He has been taking batting practice sans bat. He is taking his swings with his right hand.
"If I am good at this, I may eventually do away with the stick permanently," said Pujols. "I seem to pick up the ball better this way. And my swing speed is much faster without the bat."
Pujols could just pull it off, because...well, he is Pujols. Unfortunately, other less talented hitters, are trying their luck with his new technique:
Yes, that is reliever Josh McKinney, who is carrying his right arm back to the dugout after he broke off it off at the shoulder from swinging too hard. The arm went sailing off his shoulder half way to the pitchers mound. Batting practice coach Whip Willis added, "I've seen a lot in my day, had balls flying at my head, pieces of broken bats...but I ain't never seen no arm." Kinney will be flown back to St. Louis on Thursday to have it reattached.
One could call McKinney careless, but that word would be an understatement if used to describe what veteran shortstop and World Series MVP David Eckstein is doing. Eckstein, still bothered by a strained muscle on his torso dating back to last fall, has incorporated a new training technique to help him overcome the pain in his side.
Yes, it's true folks. Our hero, under the tutelage of the Cardinals new trainer Master Po, is overcoming the pain in his side...by bashing himself in the back of the head with a bat. Or two.
Eckstein says, "I really don't feel the pain anymore, as long as I crack myself a couple of good ones to start the day. Master Po thinks I'll be ready for opening day."
Here's Eckstein after starting the day with a particularly vigorous workout with the bat:
"Those aren't tears," insists Eckstein. "They're what Master Po calls 'cosmic toxicity' which has built up in my side muscles. It must be beaten out through the eyes."
Inspired by Master Po's training methods, Albert Pujols even went and shaved his head.
Other Cardinals, including manager Tony LaRussa, are considering what is now called "The Po" as a new look for a new season.
The oddest thing of all, however, has to be what the following photos reveal. First visible in an afternoon photo of Eckstein's exercises. To the untrained eye it just looks like Eckstein taking a couple whacks at the top of his head. But if you look closely, you can see, in the top left hand corner of the picture, a floating spherical object in the sky.
Early the next day, a similar, possibly the same, object was seen in the sky during So Taguchi's warm up exercises.
Folks, there is no other explanation but a UFO. The Cardinals camp is being visited by extra-terrestrials. Probably by virtue of being World Champions.
The UFO didn't go unnoticed.
Outfielder Preston Wilson was the first to see the object hovering in the sky, and was quick to point it out to the rest of his teammates:
"Looky there, I said to Coach (Dave) McKay. What is that thing?" said Wilson.
The rest of the Cardinals also caught a glimpse of it and were quick to join Wilson in admiring its awe inspiring maneuvers.
Aaron Miles also caught a glimpse.
"The weird thing is, it almost looked somewhat like a baseball. Maybe its a message of peace from elsewhere in the universe," remarked the bewildered Miles.
But Cardinals spring training instructor, 86 year old George Kissell, is not preparing for peace.
"If those varmints come anywhere near me," Kissell said, "I'll savage them. We don't take kindly to invasions where I'm from."
Once the media got word of the visit, the place was crawling with reporters. But by then the aliens had disappeared.
"I guess it just is part of being World Champions," Eckstein reassured everyone. "From across the Universe, everyone, and everything, wants to be a part of it. This same thing happened when I was with Anaheim in 2003."
That's quite reassuring.
With all the weirdness going on in Florida this spring, it should be an interesting year.
Friday, March 02, 2007
Courtesy of the Cardinals official website.
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Thursday, March 01, 2007
Maverick News Media also has a link to here, where all your Muhammad questions are answered.
I liked this "newspaper" front page MNM posted:
Finally, for something less depressing, go to Barb The Evil Genius for a couple of "Canon in D" You Tube shorts that are fantastic.
"There's another Star Trek movie on the way, and this one's a prequel that will fill in backstory on Kirk and Spock as younger men. The latest addition to the $1 billion+ franchise will be Star Trek XI, and will be helmed by ace director J.J. Abrams of Mission Impossible III fame.
The screenplay will be written by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, neither of whom have written a Star Trek screenplay before. The burning question: Who will play Kirk and Spock? Expect to see the movie in theaters by November, 2008."
In my New Year's quest, I am behind on German and Spanish. I hope to get out in the landscape this month. Otherwise, so far I've been able to keep up my reading and exercising, so that I am on track to complete my goals. Through the end of February, my counts for 2007 are as follows:
52 minutes of neck bridging.
3325 Hindu squats.
3310 Hindu pushups.