Thursday, May 29, 2008

CC: The President

Dear NASA:

When I read of the toileting troubles of the International Space Station, my thoughts could turn nowhere but to this problem, especially after it was mentioned again later on PTI's opening segment. I think it not random happenstance, but divine providence, that on the very day I learned of the current dilemma, I would learn about this via the Jim Rome Show.

Please take the time to equip all shuttles, and the space station, with the UroClub. Golf and space travel have a long association, dating back to the 1970s. Heck, Alan Shepherd might have had one of these on the moon when he was playing. So this is a natural fit. Although reportedly his was a 6-iron.

I am so happy to hear the "solid waste collector" is functioning properly. Otherwise I might have been up all night worrying about whether you were getting low and wearing helmets, as Tony Kornheiser pointed out.

Since a shuttle launch is scheduled soon, I thought you might want to order about a thousand of these things for the trip and keep them stored on board. This way, I don't ever have to read, hear, watch or otherwise be educated about space sewage. For the rest of my life

Don't ask me how such contingencies got overlooked after all these years. I'm just glad I was here to do my patriotic duty. But the next time I hear the words "Emergency Shuttle Launch", I'm not buying it if you claim that it's not toilet-related.

Oh, and don't forget to throw in a box of those "privacy shields."

You're welcome.

Sincerely,


Scottius Maximus
Spaceman

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