Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I Was Doing My Best To Avoid This Guy

But today's circumstances make that impossible.

We all know Michael Phelps doesn't need more publicity. He is a hot commodity right now, so I'm trying to avoid all things Michael Phelps to avoid being a pathetic bandwagoner.

But then, today, I saw this, and all that changed.

He's now my hero for life!

There are few things in life better than a bowl of Frosted Flakes- the single greatest cereal of all time! And now, our boy is going to be doing a little endorsing for said frosted flakes of corn.


"Olympic legend Michael Phelps will appear on boxes of the Kellogg's brand sugar cereal, drawing sharp criticism from health experts worried about the message he'll be sending to children across America."


Worried about the message? The message is simple- eat Frosted Flakes and you'll turn out just fine. What more could a kid ask for? In the kid universe, there's a party going on right now of epic proportions.


"I would not consider Frosted Flakes the food of an Olympian."


Me either. I consider Frosted Flakes the food not just of mere Olympians, but of the the single greatest Olympian of all time!


"I would rather see him promoting Fiber One. I would rather see him promoting oatmeal. I would even rather see him promoting
Cheerios."

That's sissy food. Nope, only Frosted Flakes for the greatest Olympic champion ever.

Nobody eats that other stuff. Everyone eats Frosted Flakes. They just won't admit it.

"
The announcement yesterday that Phelps, 23, winner of a record eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics, would grace Frosted Flakes and Corn Flakes boxes instead of the traditional athlete's choice of Wheaties left many perplexed."

Perplexed? Why perplexed? I'm not. Just listen to the tiger- they're grrreat!

What's puzzling to me is why anybody would eat Wheaties, not Frosted Flakes. That cardboard stuff made baseball card bubblegum taste good.

Besides, Frosted Flakes is obviously better for you. How many people who eat Wheaties have won 14 Olympic gold medals? Let's see...I know- NONE.

"Frosted Flakes has three times the amount of sugar as Wheaties and 1/3rd the fiber."


Yeah, tell us something we don't know. Why do you think it tastes so good? Duh?

Why do you think Michael has so much energy? Double duh?

And let me tell you something else. There's no way a guy who spends all day in the pool is going to eat something with a lot of fiber. If you get my point. One third the fiber sounds about right.

Keep eating those Frosted Flakes, Michael. Look where it's gotten you.

I'm now officially on board- Michael Phelps- greatest athlete ever!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Friday, August 08, 2008

8-8-08


The Olympics are starting. Technically they already have, I guess. They're not as big a deal as they used to be, partly due to the abundance of sports on TV now, partly due to the lack of the USA/USSR rivalry, and partly because of the participation of professional athletes. It was definitely better when we only had "amateurs"; at least amateurs competing for the US. Now, if Iran would develop into a worthwhile Olympic rival- then we'd have something going again.

However, it's still a big deal!

So, some Olympic questions for everyone:

What was the first Olympics you remember?
I remember vaguely the skating performance of Peggy Fleming in the 1968 Winter Olympics. However, I'd like to keep this Q&A limited to the summer games. I vaguely remember the '68 Summer Olympics, but the first ones I really remember getting into were the '72 Munich games.

Favorite Olympic Games?
1976 Montreal. Having "lost" on a controversial "do-over" of epic proportions in 1972, the US basketball team avenged that loss by taking the gold medal. It was much more meaningful because it was a group of collegians that accomplished the feat.

The 1976 US boxing team also was stellar, led by the immortal Ray Leonard and Leon Spinks! I believe the US-USSR match up hit its peak intensity at this Olympics. The fact that five US boxers won gold medals made the accomplishment seem edgier in that Cold War era.

Then there was the decathlon and Bruce Jenner's victory. Take that, Russkies! The track and field was fun to watch, too.

Most boring Olympics?
1984 Los Angeles. No USSR. No drama. Sorry Mary Lou.

Best Olympic athlete ever?
Since I'm too young to remember Jesse Owens, I've got to say Carl Lewis. It's too bad he went and spoiled his legacy by doing this.

Best Olympic performance?
Mark Spitz at Munich 1972- seven gold medals at one Olympic games still stands as THE performance standard.

Most dramatic moment?
I always have loved the 100 meter final- and nothing beat the Carl Lewis/Ben Johnson moment in 1988 at Seoul, South Korea.

Sport that used to get huge coverage and now doesn't?
Indoor volleyball. Now, it's all the beach variety.

Best Olympics that never was?
Well, at least from the American point of view, that would be 1980 in Moscow. Blame Jimmy Carter for that one. Just a few months after the Lake Placid Miracle on Ice, we missed out on a games with great dramatic potential. For no reason.

Because of this we had to wait until Rocky IV in 1985 to see an American go into Russia and take it to those Commies!

There are certainly some things I've overlooked. Any other thoughts?

Thursday, August 07, 2008

Send Your Thanks Via E-mail



I'm about to save you a huge amount of time.

Now that Brett Favre has been traded to the Jets, the media circus is only going to intensify, not let up. Because he is now in the media capital of the world instead of little ol' Green Bay.

So that you don't waste the next six months of your life watching ESPN regurgitate every moment, just read the following and turn that network off.

Here's the next six months in approximately sixty seconds (depending on your reading abilities):

1) Brett Favre's plane lands in New York. There are camera crews to show him de-boarding.
2) Brett Favre holds a news conference telling everyone he's glad to be in New York and that he only wants to play football. He gets in a few subtle digs at the Green Bay Packers' management.
3) When asked about their reaction, the Packers wish Brett "well", but are glad to be "moving on".
4) Brett Favre shows up at Jets' training camp. His new teammates say in interviews they are glad to have him as a teammate.
5) Brett Favre plays a few exhibition games with the Jets. Media speculates about whether Brett is learning and adjusting to his new coaches and offensive schemes.
6) Brett Favre throws his first TD of the season. Media speculates whether Green Bay should have gotten rid of him. Bad move, Packers.
7) Aaron Rodgers throws first interception of the season. Media speculates again whether Green Bay should have gotten rid of Favre. Bad move, Packers.
8) Brett Favre throws first interception. Media speculates whether Jets should have given up so much for him. And that he is 38 years old. Bad move, Jets.
9) Aaron Rodgers throws first TD. Media speculates whether he can "fill Favre's shoes." Green Bay knew what they were doing.
10) The last four scenarios play themselves out continuously the rest of the season.
11) If someone goes down injured, media will swoop in to lambaste that team for entrusting their season to said QB.
12) Sometime before Thanksgiving, sources close to either Brett Favre or the Jets will speculate that this is Favre's last season.
13) Several times after Thanksgiving, sources close to either Brett Favre or the Jets will speculate that this is Favre's last season.
14) Favre will be asked whether this is his last season.
15) Season will definitely end with neither the Packers or Jets making the Super Bowl.
16) Media will begin Brett Favre Watch, as to whether Brett Favre is going to retire.
17) Brett Favre will issue statement at end of season regarding whether he will play another year.
18) No one will believe him.
19) Speculation will begin about whether Favre will really return or not.
20) Steps 1-19 will repeat themselves for the 2009 season.

There. No need to watch Sports Center. No need to listen to talk radio. No need to watch Jim Rome, Around the Horn or PTI.

As time goes on, if you ever start to wonder what's going on, just come back to this post. It's all right here.

Now, go enjoy the lifetime I have saved you.

Great Minds Think Alike

Thanks for listening!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Decision 2008

Tough choices are what election years are all about.

So, what is Tony LaRussa to do? I mean besides keep running Izzy and Springer out there.

I don't want to pick on Izzy any more. He's had a nice career- which is now painfully and obviously over. He's done.

Another blown save last night. Thankfully a victory ensued, but four run 9th inning leads should not feel unsafe.

The only answer to keep this team in the Hunt for (Red) October (get it?) baseball?

Why it's Wainwright to the bullpen, of course. He's due off the DL in a week or so and we have to have a closer down the stretch.


Hey- it worked two years ago. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, LISTEN TO ME TONY!!!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Let Me Get This Straight

Athletes going to China are concerned about pollution. Air pollution mostly. Smog, if you will.

They are concerned about the health effects of such pollution. And American cyclists showed up wearing black masks.

And yet, cyclists, at least as much as any other athlete, are the ones at the forefront of the doping scandals.

In other words, they don't have a problem with injecting their bodies with all kinds of abnormal/foreign substances- but they're afraid of the deleterious effects of a little smog?

Does anyone else see the irony? It's comical.

Monday, August 04, 2008

Weekend TV

Two exasperating baseball games. The bullpen does it again. They're very good at coming from ahead to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.

That new HGTV show, Summer Showdown, was disappointing. Two bad designs that looked really cheap on camera. I've read this several times on HGTV message boards- what is up with the bowls of fruit? It seems obvious to me that's what passes for a finishing touch on anything Vern does.

Hear that contestants for Design Star season 4?

Speaking of Design Star, congratulations to Jen. Matt, according to the odds I made early in the show, was the favorite, but she pulled it off. Not a huge upset (I had never viewed her as a longshot) but I am surprised.

Friday, August 01, 2008

Dear Green Bay,

SIGN ME, SIGN ME!!! I'll stay away from your training camp for much less than $20 million.

But hurry up. The Bears are dangling me a fat offer to stay away from them.

Love,

Scottius Maximus




How can this world be so messed up that professional franchises that no longer want players will pay them not to come back, just so they won't play for some other team?

The next thing we'll see is some team, like the Yankees, sign some guy in the offseason that they don't need for outrageous money and send him home. They won't want him, they just don't want someone else having him.

This is how free agency must work on Bizarro. Teams pay players to stay home.

More Plant Peepage

Thanks to all the Tiger Lily fans, I now have one less UFO (unidentified flower object) in the landscape.

So, what say you all about this little critter?


It's about a foot tall but the flower is cool.


It's some kind of volunteer- I didn't plant it and it wasn't there last year.

Any guesses?