Sunday, November 30, 2008

The Rest Of Week 13

After a 10-5 record last week, and a 3-0 Thanksgiving, the overall record stands at 113-64-1. ESPN experts here and here.

Should have some cold and snowy games the rest of the way, making for great visual effects on television.

Buffalo.
Baltimore.
Indianapolis.
Green Bay.
Miami.
Tampa Bay.
Giants.
San Diego.
New England.
Jets.
Oakland.
Minnesota.
Houston- Monday.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving Football

Perhaps the worst slate of games in the history of Thanksgiving. To make it interesting, they should have moved the teams around.

Tennessee vs. Detroit- The first game is the most lopsided. It lost all of its intrigue when Tennessee lost its first game on Sunday. Undefeated vs. winless would have been an interesting story angle, and would have created interest if the game was still on in the second half. Now it's just a one loss team ready to plow through Detroit.

Seattle vs. Dallas- Another potential snoozer. Ambien sales have plummeted this week in anticipation of the combination of turkey and the first two NFL games.

Arizona vs. Philadelphia- Okay, this one's a legitimate game with two legitimate teams. Which means one team will probably blow the doors off the other.

Here's what I'd have done if I was commish. Change the teams around:
Seattle at Detroit- give the Lions a shot at a win and us some of the most comical football of the year.
Tennesee at Dallas- Two powerful teams, with a Texas flavor- Titans used to be located in Houston. Remember those Oilers?
Arizona at Philadelphia- Like I said, this was already a legitimate game.

I'm afraid of a Lions upset today. Keep my dream alive, Jeff Fisher.


Tennessee.
Dallas.
Philadelphia.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

NFL Week 12

Last week I posted a 10-5-1 mark. Weird to see a tie again. Before the dawn of sudden death, teams would sometimes tie 2 or 3 times a year.

Anyway, as Barb The Evil Genius pointed out, I forgot to post Thursday night's pick, so I can't take credit for the Pittsburgh win, even though I obviously would never have picked the hapless Bengals. So I'm still at 100-59-1. ESPN experts here and here.

And to catapult Cleveland to the playoffs, I won't pick them again this year. That is, unless they fall out of contention. That's because whenever I pick them to win, they always lose. So for them to have any chance at all, I'll stay away from them until they are eliminated from playoff contention!

Even at 0-10, Detroit keeps looking better and better. It's like they are not even trying to lose. I'm very worried they're going to win one of their last six games. Come on Tampa, keep the dream alive.

Tampa Bay.
Tennessee.
Buffalo.
Chicago.
Miami.
Jacksonville.
Baltimore.
Houston.
Dallas.
Denver.
Washington.
Giants.
Carolina.
Indianapolis.
New Orleans- Monday.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

NFL Week 11

Bye weeks are over! A full slate of games today (well, except for Thursday and Monday night).

Last week's inconspicuous 9-5 record coupled with Thursday night's loss leaves me 90-55 for the year.
ESPN experts here and here.

I'm tired of waiting for the Detroit Lions season to play out. It's too nerve wracking. No team has ever gone 0-16, and my fear is that I will never live long enough to see it.

I thought history would be made last year, until the Baltimore Ravens tanked and let the Dolphins win an OT game in the 14th game of Miami's season. Talk about gut wrenching.

That's why I don't have a lot of confidence in this year's Lions squad. I've seen it happen too many times.

In fact, the Lions have gone a lot deeper into the season winless than they have so far this year. I even think they made it to 0-12 a few years back. So I'm not a confident man.

0-9 is a long way from 0-16. There's almost two full months of football left. And even though they will have to face a string of above .500 teams the next few weeks, I remain doubtful about the realistic-ness of 0-16.

So I make the following rule change right now, if I was commish. Getting to 0-11 is an automatic "skunk".

Like in ping pong or in a friendly game of "21". You get down 0-11 and it's a "skunk". Game over. Season over.

Which means Detroit would only have to lose this week to Carolina and next week to Tampa Bay, and they'd be officially "skunked". No more games. Automatic 0-16.

Which would also mean we wouldn't have to be subjected to watching the Lions play the best team in the league, Tennessee, during Thanksgiving dinner.

So see, just one more advantage to my rule change. You can thank me later.

Atlanta.

Philadelphia.

Green Bay.

Indianapolis.

New Orleans.

Miami.

Giants.

Tampa Bay.

Carolina.

San Francisco.

Arizona.

Pittsburgh.

Jacksonville.

Washington.

Buffalo- Monday.

Sunday, November 09, 2008

NFL Week 10

Another 8-6 record last week, and Thursday night's loss, leaves me at 81-50 for the year. ESPN experts here and here.

This week is the last week of byes. Seems like the bye weeks lasted longer this year.

I didn't ever really believe that Cincinnati was going 0-16. But having two teams winless at this point in the year made it seem more possible that at least one of them was going to pull it off.

Now my dreams are beginning to vaporize. After watching the Lions almost take the Bears down last week, and now with the addition of Daunte Culpepper, I for the first time doubt that the Lions are going to go winless.

Sixteen games are a lot to lose, and the Lions are as yet only half way there. Sure, they've played some really bad football, and they undoubtedly have lots of bad football left in them.

The problem is that the Lions do appear to actually be trying to win rather than trying to lose. Despite having a chance to have the worst record in the history of the NFL, they don't appear to care about it. And that's really troublesome, because not many teams even get the opportunity to sniff 0-16.

Instead of football immortality, they appear to prefer to finish in the depths of an anonymous 1-15 or 2-14 season.

And it may happen today. Jacksonville gave up Cincinnati's perfect season last week. They may as well blow it for the Lions, too.

It looks like everything is lining up for a Detroit victory today. And the fact I'm not picking them makes it all the more likely. Even though just a smidgeon of hope remains for a perfect season, I'm not ready to give up like the Lions obviously have.

Atlanta.
Chicago.
Jacksonville.
Miami.
Minnesota.
New England.
Jets.
Houston.
Carolina.
Pittsburgh.
San Diego.
Philadelphia.
Arizona- Monday.

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Thursday Night Football

Sorry to do this again, but I'm taking Cleveland tonight.

Church Directories

Recently our family had our pictures taken for a new church directory to be published in the near future.

Ahhh- the church directory. Do you ever dig one out and just go through it and marvel? Especially the really old ones, where the old people in your congregation are actually in their prime.

It's also interesting to note the clothing and hairstyles. Some of it is quite hilarious.

So, what kind of response does the news of a new church directory have on you?

Excitement at the prospect of your family getting a low cost family portrait?

Perhaps fear- in anticipation of a driver's license type mugshot published in a book for an eternity of future parishioners to guffaw over?

Or perhaps, eager anticipation at the prospect of seeing your fellow members' laughter inducing portraits?

Who will wear the most outrageous clothing? Or the most mismatched? Maybe you.


Why aren't church directories published on church websites? Think about it. If you're looking for a new church, wouldn't you want to see what these people look like before wasting your time worshipping with them?

And if churches would post their directories, we could have a contest for "best looking congregation". In this day of church growth marketing strategies, I can't believe no one's thought of this.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, we could all get a kick out of e-mailing our friends with links to our goofy-looking cohorts. Admit it- you'd look forward to e-mails with "Get a load of these guys!" in the subject heading.

I also think the pictures in the directory should be full of surprises. There are few things more spectacular than getting a picture published in the directory with hidden jokes.

For instance, when I see someone taking random pictures at church to depict the "church life" of the congregation, I try to sneak into the background. I've kept a small squirt gun in my pocket the past couple of weeks just for these moments. It looks quite real from a distance, and when I jump in to the background, I discretely pull it out to make it look like I'm about to hold somebody up.

If no one notices me and one of the photos makes it in the directory, it should be quite a conversation piece for years to come.

I've also offered money to the organist's to wear capes when getting their pictures taken. There's nothing spookier than someone sitting at an organ wearing a cape. It's something right out of a horror movie, and would look spectacular in the final publication.

If this works, next time I'll suggest a set of fangs to complete the look.

I also think that all the proofs should be made available to everyone. People always choose the proofs that present them in the most favorable light to be published in the directory, and we never get to see the rejects.

The rejects should be made available for all to see. The most obvious way to do this is to have a big screen slide projector show at the annual church picnic. As the picnic is winding down, and it's getting dark, everyone could gather 'round the screen for some good old family-friendly laughs.

Okay, so now you know still another reason why I'll never be president of any congregation. But does anyone have any better thoughts?

Sunday, November 02, 2008

NFL Week 9

We've arrived at the half way point. Last week I was 8-6, so I'm 73-43 on the year. ESPN experts here and here.

Last year at this time I was 71-45, 71-43 in 2006, so I'm doing a little better than the past 2 years. I have the same record as in 2005. There is a remarkable consistency to my picking I hadn't noticed before.

If I'm not ever going to get any better, maybe I'll just quit some day.

Naaah.

Hope springs eternal for an 0-16 season for our bumbling heroes, the Lions and Bengals. Both are favored to lose this weekend. No surprises, please? In fact, if the Bears lose to the Lions today, I may not come out of my house for a week.

Buffalo.
Chicago.
Jacksonville.
Cleveland.
Tennessee.
St. Louis.
Minnesota.
Tampa Bay.
Denver.
Atlanta.
Giants.
Philadelphia.
Indianapolis.
Washington- Monday.