Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Too Whacked To Be True

"Ed Murrow's ghost is here. I've seen him and talked to him on the third floor of this building many times late at night. And I can tell you that he's watching over us." - Dan Rather

No way this could be true (what Dan supposedly said, not Ed Murrow's ghost being at CBS). Wait a minute, we are talking about Dan Rather here, so I guess it is possible. Maybe it was Mr. Ed who encouraged Rather to sign off with the mystery word "courage". I am now wondering how many UFOs Dan has seen (or been taken aboard).

You Can't Quit Me, I'm Fired

Why all the media obsession with job status as it relates to those willing to subject themselves to coach or manage? One minute a guy's job is safe, and then shortly afterwards it's over. Just last week, we heard Butch Davis was going to be the Cleveland Browns coach until the end of the year. Now he is gone (quit, or fired, no one really knows except those on the inside). Why obsess about something where the information one obtains regarding hiring and firing is so consistently unreliable? But reporters continue to feed us reports regarding a coach's security that within days turn out to be wrong. Bottom line- reports on job status should not be taken seriously. No one knows what is going on, so don't waste time reading these stories.

By the way, wouldn't it be interesting if reporters showed up at your job site and pestered you and your boss about how secure your job was? What a funner(?) world it would be.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Nooooooo.......And, Maybe Yesssssss

The NBA surely lost a legendary coach when Hubie Brown retired suddenly. Just what the NBA needs right now, less maturity. Hopefully this means his return to the booth as a TNT analyst soon.

Hey Giants fans, get a load of your new leader. One good thing about Eli Leaf, he obviously walks like a man when under adversity. Go Chargers!

How 'bout a nice big chunk of humble to swallow, Mr. Hubris? What were those numbers again? Oh yeah, 6 for 21 with 2 interceptions, 0 TDs, 148 yards, and a big fat L. Ladies and gentlemen, your big game quarterback.

And Now For Something Completely Different

It seems congratulations are in order- to me, for opening a beer bottle with my teeth for the first time tonight. Guess I'll cross that one off the list of life's goals I have yet to accomplish. Thought the blogosphere needed a touch of class, so I went for it.

Wacky, Wild Weekend Wear, Part II

The Fox NFL broadcast in my area yesterday was the Giants-Eagles game. I didn't recognize the Giants at first. But after awhile, I decided I liked it! Keep the new uniforms Giants. Kudos also to the Broncos and Raiders, although the snow played a large part in the coolness of the look.

But on the other hand, get a load of
this- makes me want to apologize to the Bears for Thursday's post. Take it away, Lord, please. What is going on? Is "Mad Haberdasher" now an entry level position in every NFL franchise?

Thursday, November 25, 2004

Do Not Adjust Your Set

We got through the whole Janet Jackson controversy and the recent Monday Night Football intro fiasco. However, after what I witnessed today, I can't take it any more. So I'm going to get busy. It is time for all of America to take a stand.

Open Letter to the FCC:

I am writing to express my concern over the content of the NFL game broadcast this evening on Fox. Not only were we subjected to a rotten football game, but I feel my health and the health of my family was put in jeopardy by perhaps the ugliest uniform scheme I have ever seen. According to local reports, there has been a large increase in the number of incidents of nausea, headaches, dizziness, syncope, and even seizures since approximately 3 p.m. CST. The long term effects on our children are unknown at this time.

This is not the first time we have been subjected to this particular brand of unfashionable color scheme negligence. We have been forced to view the Syracuse Orange, the Illinois Fighting Illini, and the Oregon Ducks previously in college sports, and I feel compelled to express my concern before someone gets hurt.

I hope you have the stomach to investigate my complaint.


A Frightened Fan

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

A Stray Thought on Ethnic Sports Names

We have Fighting Irish. We have Indians, Redskins, and Braves. We have Celtics. We have Spartans. We have Trojans. We have Vikings. We have Aztecs.

So, why are there no Berserkers? Has anyone ever seen or heard of the Berserkers in anything? What a great team name this would be. Go Berserkers! And what about the Goths? Or the Mongols?

For crying out loud, we have a town that has named its school team the Nimrods. Berserkers would have at least been better than that.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Signs of the Apocalypse

This was always one of my favorite bits in Sports Illustrated. America is clearly in decline. Why does everyone think if they have talent in one area, they have equal talent in other areas? Life ain't that simple:

Sharon Stone thinks she is a minister.
Arnold thinks he is a governor.
Gopher thought he was a congressman.
Sonny Bono thought he was a congressman. (Even worse his widow thinks she is one, I guess because Sonny thought he was one).
John McEnroe thinks he is a talk show host.
Jesse Ventura thought he was a governor.
Garth Brooks thinks he is a baseball player.
Prince thought he was a symbol.
Michael Jordan thought he was a baseball player.
Rush Limbaugh thought he was a football analyst.
Al Franken thinks he is a talk radio genius.
Dennis Rodman and Karl Malone thought they were "wrasslers".

Carl Lewis thought he was a singer.
Too Tall Jones and others thought they were boxers.
Magic Johnson thought he was a talk show host. (Chevy Chase also).
Howard Dean thought he was sane enough to be president (Algore also).
George Costanza thought he was an architect.
Ozzy Osbourne thought he was a baseball fan.

Ooops, almost forgot, Scottius Maximus thinks he is a primate blogger.

The Reverend Sharon Stone

On Jim Rome's radio program today I hear that Sharon Stone is now a minister. Let's see, how exactly does this work? I don't think Sharon is a man. I don't think Sharon is the husband of but one wife. I don't know, but somehow I don't get the feeling she is an orthodox Christian (if I'm wrong, I will apologize). What is she then, the high priestess of the crotch shot? I guess I could go on and on, but I won't.

It's All Bush's Fault

I'm not a betting man, but I wonder what the over/under is on the number of days until someone uses this excuse regarding the weekend sports brawls. Everything else is his fault anyway. I mean, the administration should have seen this coming, right? Why didn't they take steps to prevent this? When will the family members of some of the fans who were attacked start asking this question? Here's my vote for a congressional investigation into what did the White House know, and when did they know it. Michael Moore is probably already hard at work making a false-umentary on this, since he is even from Michigan, I believe.

Seriously, the ground work is already being laid for this. Now union boss Billy Hunter has brought up the Iraq War in relation to this NBA incident. Somehow the Iraq War is now a link in explaining the inexcusable? It really won't be too much longer until the president will be painted as a contributing factor.

Again, I call out to those involved. Join me, a still very sinful man, in confession of sins and repentance, believing in God's promise of forgiveness in Christ Jesus our Lord. Please quit trying to rationalize your behavior and insult our intelligence.

Monday, November 22, 2004

The Pistons, Pacers, Clemson, USC (Oh, and Jesus and Self Esteem)

Yesterday was the last Sunday of the church year, the Sunday of the Fulfillment. At our church we are blessed with pastors who unashamedly preach God's Word in Law and Gospel, and administer the Sacraments rightly. Psychobabble and "visionary" purpose driven techniques are not given any credence. In our pastor's sermon he quoted Ronald Allen's "The Majesty of Man", where he stated:
"Speaking of self-esteem as man's greatest need is (something like) an observer at a funeral parlor remarking 'How wonderfully lifelike' as he views the corpse. We need to face the issue squarely: Dead people need life, not make-up. Fallen people need redemption, not self-esteem. Jesus did not come to earth to make dead people feel better."

Self esteem gets us in to trouble. Self esteem was, at its root, the cause of the violence in sports this weekend. People are overwhelmingly egocentric and so attuned to being "disrespected", that our own sense of importance overcomes all else. Now, Who was it that said to turn the other cheek?

It's not surprising what happened the other night. Nothing really ought to shock us. This is a fallen world. Just like me, the participants in Friday nights melee don't need more self esteem, they need to fall on their knees, humbling themselves before God, asking forgiveness in repentence. One could only pray for this to happen. Hopefully we won't see what I fear- fingerpointing, lawyering, the blame game, the spinning, until someone tries to convince us that what we really saw happening on television wasn't really what went down.

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Am I missing something here?

Are the Cardinals now out of the running for this guy? I would hope I overlooked something. The Cardinals were great in 2004, but lacked the one ingredient that ultimately was their demise against a patient group of hackers. A starting pitcher who could single-handedly get outs.

Happy Birthday Stan Musial!!!

The greatest living ballplayer, and the greatest Cardinal period, is 84 today. Blessings and birthday prayers to a legendary Man.

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Having angina just looking at this!

Wash it all down with a diet soft drink

Heard about this on Jim Rome. This is disgusting. Two thirds of a pound of meat, topped with bacon and cheese. And don't forget the buttered bread. Over 1400 calories. If you order one of these things, does the young woman at the drive through window ask you if you want to supersize it? Mark my words- America will be staring down the barrel of an obesity problem if this keeps up. What's that? I guess it already is. We really are a decadent bunch aren't we? God help us.

Actually, we're wasting time trying to hunt down Bin Laden. Just send him a steady stream of Hardee's coupons. He'll be dead within the year.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Go Buckeyes

Great weekend for sports fans. It is rivalry weekend in college football. Since Ohio delivered a second term for Bush, here is one ape pulling for The Ohio State University. Actually I've never liked Michigan. Hard to grow bananas. And there is also Auburn vs. Alabama. Don't know who to root for here, but should be a good game.

Then on Sunday, da Bears and their formidable defense will try to stop Peyton Manning. Go Bears. There's also the Nextel Cup finale, with title still up for grabs. Gotta pull for Little E although his chances are slim. Mark Martin or Jimmie Johnson would be okay.

Unfortunately, usually when a weekend lines up like this, I'm severely disappointed. The games will turn out to be duds and all my favorites whupped. Kind of like the World Series.

Walter Williams

Walter Williams substituted for Rush Limbaugh today on Rush's show. I learn something every time I listen to him. A very interesting character.

Some words to ponder from Dr. Williams website:

Wisdom of the Month
"A bill of rights is what the people are entitled to against every government on earth, general or particular; and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inferences." --Thomas Jefferson to James Madison, 1787.
Alexander Hamilton opposed any such bill of rights, writing:
I go further, and affirm that bills of rights, in the sense and in the extent in which they are contended for, are not only unnecessary in the proposed constitution, but would even be dangerous. They would contain various exceptions to powers which are not granted; and on this very account, would afford a colourable pretext to claim more than were granted. For why declare that things shall not be done which there is no power to do? Why for instance, should it be said, that the liberty of the press shall not be restrained, when no power is given by which restrictions may be imposed? I will not contend that such a provision would confer a regulating power; but it is evident that it would furnish, to men disposed to usurp, a plausible pretence for claiming that power. -- Alexander Hamilton, Federalist, no. 84, 575-581, 28 May 1788

Bush Behavior

I like President Bush and voted for him twice. But his propensity this week for kissing the females who work for him is wrong.

Where does this take any future interactions with these women, and also the other women who work for him who aren't greeted with a kiss? Is the standard greeting each morning going to be a kiss? What if in the future he greets the women with a handshake? Will they think to themselves "am I in trouble, he used to greet me with a kiss"? I can't believe anyone else would kiss their co-workers or subordinates in this day and age.

Kissing is for family members and spouses (okay, and boyfriends/girlfriends). I would also say the same thing about hugs. My friend Merv's wife, Minka, hugs everybody. Everyone should have their personal space respected.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Site of the Little Rock crash landing

Clinton Library

Okay. So it's opening today. Bill Clinton can't be happy about this thing. What an eyesore. Luckily it didn't cost a lot of money. Oh, it did? I guess there is no correlation between beauty and cost. How long did they spend planning this? The designer must be laughing all the way to the bank. I need a job like that. This morning I heard the library described as "futuristic". If this is what the future looks like, I think I'll go into it kicking and screaming.

Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Trailer has landed.

A lot of celebrities were invited to attend. No heavy celebrities were invited however, due to fears of this thing tipping in to the water (you know who popped in your mind). I guess a couple of uninvited guests snuck in down by the river.

Mike Gallagher wondered if the items stolen from the White House when the Clintons left will be displayed. I think they must have ran out of room before then. Apparently the lack of space is due to this.


Let's get this thing started. I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm loving every minute of it! (To paraphrase a favorite Kramer line)