Friday, April 29, 2005

Coffee With What?

There are certain things about growing older I am looking forward to experiencing. Like retirement and grandchildren. But then...I'm not looking forward to losing my discernment mechanisms. Such as what one should eat when the beverage of choice is coffee.

You see, I have no problem getting with coffee and bagels, coffee and donuts, coffee and a danish, coffee and a muffin, coffee with pancakes, coffee with French toast.

But a friend of mine pointed out something that I have found completely revolting. Old people drink coffee with ANYTHING. Go to McDonald's at lunch. You'll see some old timer munching down on a Quarterpounder with cheese with a hot black coffee chaser. Disgusting. Or even worse. At the local pizza buffet, you'll see some white haired dude chowing on a pepperoni and sausage piece, following that up with hot black coffee. And the worst would have to be the Medicare man at the chinese buffet with hot mustard egg-rolls, vegetable low mein, and Hunan beef washed down with...gulp...hot black coffee.

I also don't get the mid-afternoon coffee. What's wrong with that, you ask? Well, nothing, as long as it isn't 95 degrees with 50% humidity outside, and you're not drinking it in the sun on your deck, like the older folk I've known. But I believe this has to do with senile loss of thermostat regulatory sensors than bad taste.

Why? Why must this happen to us? I'm really not trying to slam older folk, I really love them. I hope to be one myself some day. But haywire taste seems to be a universal affliction past 65. Now excuse me while I go cut the yard in my shorts and black socks. Don't worry, I don't wear garters...yet.

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