Thursday, March 31, 2005

"Hacksaw" Pulsipher?

I've been bothered all spring training by this guy at the Cardinals camp, who claims to be "Bill Pulsipher". I finally figured out who he really is- "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, wrestling legend. Just look at the resemblance:

I hope "Hacksaw" makes the team. Besides being a good comeback story and a lefty bullpen option, the Cardinals are a lock to win any MLB "Summer Slam", should one ever occur.

I propose MLB Summer Slam should be part of the All-Star Break, maybe right after the home run derby. Think about it. Barry Bonds in the ring slamming Turk Wendell across the back with a folding chair. Mike Piazza throwing talc in Roger Clemens eyes. A-Rod getting pummeled by a group of Red Sox while the ref's back is turned. Mark Prior taking one off the head from Steve Kline. McGwire v. Canseco.

Now that's some quality summer entertainment.

UPDATE 1:30 p.m.- PULSIPHER MAKES THE TEAM! Read about it here.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Please, Please, Don't Get Hurt

From Fox Sports website yesterday:

Albert Pujols - #5 - First Base - 6'3" - 225lbs
Tue Mar 29 2005 - Pujols is just "on" every pitch. It's as if the pitcher tells him what's coming; his hands are that quick. He homered and doubled Monday, and both balls were hit, uh, hard.

My New Book

I have a new book coming out soon, if I can find a publisher. I thought I'd include an excerpt here for everyone, as an exclusive. It's called "Why I Don't Play Rugby".
Why I Don't Play Rugby

by Scottius Maximus

Copyright 2005

Table of Contents
Chapter One: This Is Why I Don't Play Rugby....................Page 1

Page 1-----------------------This Is Why I Don't Play Rugby

Chapter One

Here is the reason I don't play Rugby:

(from Philippe Lopez/AFP/Getty Images)

Page 2-----------------------This Is Why I Don't Play Rugby


Rugby, This is why I don't play, page 1.
Page 3-----------------------This Is Why I Don't Play Rugby

I would like to thank Fox Sports for their photo.

The End.

Well, what does everyone think?

Monday, March 28, 2005

The Soup Nazis Work?

More fast food news. A woman eating her Wendy's chili almost consumes a "well-done" finger. She apparently felt something unusual in her mouth before spitting it out and looking at it. When she identified it, she yelled out for everyone in the joint to stop eating and went to the restroom and got sick. Yeah, I don't know about you, but I'd think that is pretty much how it went down.

Since no one working at the restaurant was missing any fingers, it obviously arrived at that restaurant premixed into the chili.

According to a friend, the woman was on one of the morning shows today. Probably Good Morning Today or one of those types. I heard she was actually asked what it felt like to have a finger in her mouth. Nice question, huh? Must have been Katie Sawyer, journalist extraordinaire. How do you think it felt? Can there be more than one answer to this question? I'll guarantee wonderful is not going to be the response, Diane. Apparently the woman gulped several times recounting her horror. What in the world possessed this woman to go on the program is beyond me. Of course, her lawyer was right next to her, if that is any indication. But if this happened to me, I'd choose anonymity. This woman will forever be known as the "finger-chili woman", and that's an identity I could live without (especially since I'm not a woman).

Several questions have popped in to my mind since I heard about this story...
How'd you like to be another customer that day who had the chili? You'd spend the rest of your life wondering what you may have unknowingly consumed. I bet the daily consumption of peroxide and alcohol for these poor people will be at all time highs for the foreseeable future.

What else was in the chili vat? Perhaps they haven't found the source person missing a finger part because the person is actually missing a whole hand or even arm.

Could this have been the work of the Steak 'n' Shake next door? They're pretty proud of their chili. Are they and Wendy's locked in some kind of out of control chili war? Perhaps there is a rivalry that has heated up way beyond being labeled psychotic.

How do they know it was a "female" finger? Fingers are not anatomically correct. Was there polish on the nail?

How'd you like to be the detective assigned to this case? Child- "What are you working on, daddy?" Father (holding up object)- "Well son, I have to figure out whose FINGER THIS IS."

I can't wait to hear how this turns out. Oh wait, I can. I hope Greta doesn't get a hold of this one.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Matthew 28
1In the end of the sabbath, as it began to dawn toward the first day of the week, came Mary Magdalene and the other Mary to see the sepulchre.
2And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and came and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it.
3His countenance was like lightning, and his raiment white as snow:
4And for fear of him the keepers did shake, and became as dead men.
5And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified.
6He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay.
7And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you.
8And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word.
9And as they went to tell his disciples, behold, Jesus met them, saying, All hail. And they came and held him by the feet, and worshipped him.
10Then said Jesus unto them, Be not afraid: go tell my brethren that they go into Galilee, and there shall they see me.
11Now when they were going, behold, some of the watch came into the city, and shewed unto the chief priests all the things that were done.
12And when they were assembled with the elders, and had taken counsel, they gave large money unto the soldiers,
13Saying, Say ye, His disciples came by night, and stole him away while we slept.
14And if this come to the governor's ears, we will persuade him, and secure you.
15So they took the money, and did as they were taught: and this saying is commonly reported among the Jews until this day.
16Then the eleven disciples went away into Galilee, into a mountain where Jesus had appointed them.
17And when they saw him, they worshipped him: but some doubted.
18And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Matthew 27
57When the even was come, there came a rich man of Arimathaea, named Joseph, who also himself was Jesus' disciple:
58He went to Pilate, and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered.
59And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth,
60And laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed.
61And there was Mary Magdalene, and the other Mary, sitting over against the sepulchre.
62Now the next day, that followed the day of the preparation, the chief priests and Pharisees came together unto Pilate,
63Saying, Sir, we remember that that deceiver said, while he was yet alive, After three days I will rise again.
64Command therefore that the sepulchre be made sure until the third day, lest his disciples come by night, and steal him away, and say unto the people, He is risen from the dead: so the last error shall be worse than the first.
65Pilate said unto them, Ye have a watch: go your way, make it as sure as ye can.
66So they went, and made the sepulchre sure, sealing the stone, and setting a watch.

Matthew 27
45Now from the sixth hour there was darkness over all the land unto the ninth hour.
46And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?
47Some of them that stood there, when they heard that, said, This man calleth for Elias.
48And straightway one of them ran, and took a spunge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink.
49The rest said, Let be, let us see whether Elias will come to save him.
50Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.
51And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;
52And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,
53And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.
54Now when the centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake, and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying, Truly this was the Son of God.
55And many women were there beholding afar off, which followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering unto him:
56Among which was Mary Magdalene, and Mary the mother of James and Joses, and the mother of Zebedees children.

Matthew 27
32And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear his cross.
33And when they were come unto a place called Golgotha, that is to say, a place of a skull,
34They gave him vinegar to drink mingled with gall: and when he had tasted thereof, he would not drink.
35And they crucified him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots.
36And sitting down they watched him there;
37And set up over his head his accusation written, THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
38Then were there two thieves crucified with him, one on the right hand, and another on the left.
39And they that passed by reviled him, wagging their heads,
40And saying, Thou that destroyest the temple, and buildest it in three days, save thyself. If thou be the Son of God, come down from the cross.
41Likewise also the chief priests mocking him, with the scribes and elders, said,
42He saved others; himself he cannot save. If he be the King of Israel, let him now come down from the cross, and we will believe him.
43He trusted in God; let him deliver him now, if he will have him: for he said, I am the Son of God.
44The thieves also, which were crucified with him, cast the same in his teeth.

Matthew 27
1When the morning was come, all the chief priests and elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death:
2And when they had bound him, they led him away, and delivered him to Pontius Pilate the governor.
3Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,
4Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What is that to us? see thou to that.
5And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.
6And the chief priests took the silver pieces, and said, It is not lawful for to put them into the treasury, because it is the price of blood.
7And they took counsel, and bought with them the potter's field, to bury strangers in.
8Wherefore that field was called, The field of blood, unto this day.
9Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremy the prophet, saying, And they took the thirty pieces of silver, the price of him that was valued, whom they of the children of Israel did value;
10And gave them for the potter's field, as the Lord appointed me.
11And Jesus stood before the governor: and the governor asked him, saying, Art thou the King of the Jews? And Jesus said unto him, Thou sayest.
12And when he was accused of the chief priests and elders, he answered nothing.
13Then said Pilate unto him, Hearest thou not how many things they witness against thee?
14And he answered him to never a word; insomuch that the governor marvelled greatly.
15Now at that feast the governor was wont to release unto the people a prisoner, whom they would.
16And they had then a notable prisoner, called Barabbas.
17Therefore when they were gathered together, Pilate said unto them, Whom will ye that I release unto you? Barabbas, or Jesus which is called Christ?
18For he knew that for envy they had delivered him.
19When he was set down on the judgment seat, his wife sent unto him, saying, Have thou nothing to do with that just man: for I have suffered many things this day in a dream because of him.
20But the chief priests and elders persuaded the multitude that they should ask Barabbas, and destroy Jesus.
21The governor answered and said unto them, Whether of the twain will ye that I release unto you? They said, Barabbas.
22Pilate saith unto them, What shall I do then with Jesus which is called Christ? They all say unto him, Let him be crucified.
23And the governor said, Why, what evil hath he done? But they cried out the more, saying, Let him be crucified.
24When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person: see ye to it.
25Then answered all the people, and said, His blood
26Then released he Barabbas unto them: and when he had scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified.
27Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the common hall, and gathered unto him the whole band of soldiers.
28And they stripped him, and put on him a scarlet robe.
29And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon his head, and a reed in his right hand: and they bowed the knee before him, and mocked him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews!
30And they spit upon him, and took the reed, and smote him on the head.
31And after that they had mocked him, they took the robe off from him, and put his own raiment on him, and led him away to crucify him.

Matthew 26
31Then saith Jesus unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad.
32But after I am risen again, I will go before you into Galilee.
33Peter answered and said unto him, Though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended.
34Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
35Peter said unto him, Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee. Likewise also said all the disciples.
36Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.
37And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.
38Then saith he unto them, My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death: tarry ye here, and watch with me.
39And he went a little farther, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.
40And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?
41Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
42He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.
43And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy.
44And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.
45Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take your rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.
46Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that doth betray me.
47And while he yet spake, lo, Judas, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people.
48Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast.
49And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him.

50And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus and took him.
51And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out his hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear.
52Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.
53Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?
54But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?
55In that same hour said Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me.
56But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.
57And they that had laid hold on Jesus led him away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.

58But Peter followed him afar off unto the high priest's palace, and went in, and sat with the servants, to see the end.
59Now the chief priests, and elders, and all the council, sought false witness against Jesus, to put him to death;
60But found none: yea, though many false witnesses came, yet found they none. At the last came two false witnesses,
61And said, This fellow said, I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to build it in three days.
62And the high priest arose, and said unto him, Answerest thou nothing? what is it which these witness against thee?
63But Jesus held his peace, And the high priest answered and said unto him, I adjure thee by the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be the Christ, the Son of God.
64Jesus saith unto him, Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.
65Then the high priest rent his clothes, saying, He hath spoken blasphemy; what further need have we of witnesses? behold, now ye have heard his blasphemy.
66What think ye? They answered and said, He is guilty of death.
67Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote him with the palms of their hands,
68Saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?
69Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.
70But he denied before them all, saying, I know not what thou sayest.
71And when he was gone out into the porch, another maid saw him, and said unto them that were there, This fellow was also with Jesus of Nazareth.
72And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man.
73And after a while came unto him they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art one of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee.
74Then began he to curse and to swear, saying, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew.
75And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Matthew 26
1And it came to pass, when Jesus had finished all these sayings, he said unto his disciples,
2Ye know that after two days is the feast of the passover, and the Son of man is betrayed to be crucified.
3Then assembled together the chief priests, and the scribes, and the elders of the people, unto the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas,
4And consulted that they might take Jesus by subtilty, and kill him.
5But they said, Not on the feast day, lest there be an uproar among the people.
6Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,
7There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat at meat.
8But when his disciples saw it, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose is this waste?
9For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.
10When Jesus understood it, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.
11For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.
12For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial.
13Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached in the whole world, there shall also this, that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her.
14Then one of the twelve, called Judas Iscariot, went unto the chief priests,
15And said unto them, What will ye give me, and I will deliver him unto you? And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces of silver.
16And from that time he sought opportunity to betray him.
17Now the first day of the feast of unleavened bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying unto him, Where wilt thou that we prepare for thee to eat the passover?
18And he said, Go into the city to such a man, and say unto him, The Master saith, My time is at hand; I will keep the passover at thy house with my disciples.
19And the disciples did as Jesus had appointed them; and they made ready the passover.

20Now when the even was come, he sat down with the twelve.
21And as they did eat, he said, Verily I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me.
22And they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I?
23And he answered and said, He that dippeth his hand with me in the dish, the same shall betray me.
24The Son of man goeth as it is written of him: but woe unto that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! it had been good for that man if he had not been born.
25Then Judas, which betrayed him, answered and said, Master, is it I? He said unto him, Thou hast said.
26And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed it, and brake it, and gave it to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body.
27And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;
28For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.
29But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom.
30And when they had sung an hymn, they went out into the mount of Olives.

Maximus' Favorite

As "the hour" approaches, Jesus speaks with his disciples. This is my "favorite" chapter of the Bible, with my "favorite" verse: 33. I find this verse contains one of the most, and probably the most, comforting words ever spoken. Christ does not promise anyone prosperity, a fact missed by much of "Christian" America. In fact, He virtually guarantees trouble in this world. But he has overcome all.

John 16
1These things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended.
2They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service.
3And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.
4But these things have I told you, that when the time shall come, ye may remember that I told you of them. And these things I said not unto you at the beginning, because I was with you.
5But now I go my way to him that sent me; and none of you asketh me, Whither goest thou?
6But because I have said these things unto you, sorrow hath filled your heart.
7Nevertheless I tell you the truth; It is expedient for you that I go away: for if I go not away, the Comforter will not come unto you; but if I depart, I will send him unto you.
8And when he is come, he will reprove the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment:
9Of sin, because they believe not on me;
10Of righteousness, because I go to my Father, and ye see me no more;
11Of judgment, because the prince of this world is judged.
12I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.
13Howbeit when he, the Spirit of truth, is come, he will guide you into all truth: for he shall not speak of himself; but whatsoever he shall hear, that shall he speak: and he will shew you things to come.
14He shall glorify me: for he shall receive of mine, and shall shew it unto you.
15All things that the Father hath are mine: therefore said I, that he shall take of mine, and shall shew it unto you.
16A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me, because I go to the Father.
17Then said some of his disciples among themselves, What is this that he saith unto us, A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me: and, Because I go to the Father?
18They said therefore, What is this that he saith, A little while? we cannot tell what he saith.
19Now Jesus knew that they were desirous to ask him, and said unto them, Do ye enquire among yourselves of that I said, A little while, and ye shall not see me: and again, a little while, and ye shall see me?
20Verily, verily, I say unto you, That ye shall weep and lament, but the world shall rejoice: and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned into joy.
21A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world.
22And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.
23And in that day ye shall ask me nothing. Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, he will give it you.
24Hitherto have ye asked nothing in my name: ask, and ye shall receive, that your joy may be full.
25These things have I spoken unto you in proverbs: but the time cometh, when I shall no more speak unto you in proverbs, but I shall shew you plainly of the Father.
26At that day ye shall ask in my name: and I say not unto you, that I will pray the Father for you:
27For the Father himself loveth you, because ye have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.
28I came forth from the Father, and am come into the world: again, I leave the world, and go to the Father.
29His disciples said unto him, Lo, now speakest thou plainly, and speakest no proverb.
30Now are we sure that thou knowest all things, and needest not that any man should ask thee: by this we believe that thou camest forth from God.
31Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe?
32Behold, the hour cometh, yea, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me.
33These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Matthew 24
1And Jesus went out, and departed from the temple: and his disciples came to him for to shew him the buildings of the temple.
2And Jesus said unto them, See ye not all these things? verily I say unto you, There shall not be left here one stone upon another, that shall not be thrown down.
3And as he sat upon the mount of Olives, the disciples came unto him privately, saying, Tell us, when shall these things be? and what shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world?
4And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you.
5For many shall come in my name, saying, I am Christ; and shall deceive many.
6And ye shall hear of wars and rumours of wars: see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass, but the end is not yet.
7For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes, in divers places.
8All these are the beginning of sorrows.
9Then shall they deliver you up to be afflicted, and shall kill you: and ye shall be hated of all nations for my name's sake.
10And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
11And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.
12And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.
13But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved.
14And this gospel of the kingdom shall be preached in all the world for a witness unto all nations; and then shall the end come.
15When ye therefore shall see the abomination of desolation, spoken of by Daniel the prophet, stand in the holy place, (whoso readeth, let him understand:)
16Then let them which be in Judaea flee into the mountains:
17Let him which is on the housetop not come down to take any thing out of his house:
18Neither let him which is in the field return back to take his clothes.
19And woe unto them that are with child, and to them that give suck in those days!
20But pray ye that your flight be not in the winter, neither on the sabbath day:
21For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.
22And except those days should be shortened, there should no flesh be saved: but for the elect's sake those days shall be shortened.
23Then if any man shall say unto you, Lo, here is Christ, or there; believe it not.
24For there shall arise false Christs, and false prophets, and shall shew great signs and wonders; insomuch that, if it were possible, they shall deceive the very elect.
25Behold, I have told you before.
26Wherefore if they shall say unto you, Behold, he is in the desert; go not forth: behold, he is in the secret chambers; believe it not.
27For as the lightning cometh out of the east, and shineth even unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
28For wheresoever the carcase is, there will the eagles be gathered together.
29Immediately after the tribulation of those days shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken:
30And then shall appear the sign of the Son of man in heaven: and then shall all the tribes of the earth mourn, and they shall see the Son of man coming in the clouds of heaven with power and great glory.
31And he shall send his angels with a great sound of a trumpet, and they shall gather together his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.
32Now learn a parable of the fig tree; When his branch is yet tender, and putteth forth leaves, ye know that summer is nigh:
33So likewise ye, when ye shall see all these things, know that it is near, even at the doors.
34Verily I say unto you, This generation shall not pass, till all these things be fulfilled.
35Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.
36But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
37But as the days of Noah were, so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
38For as in the days that were before the flood they were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, until the day that Noe entered into the ark,
39And knew not until the flood came, and took them all away; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be.
40Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
41Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left.
42Watch therefore: for ye know not what hour your Lord doth come.
43But know this, that if the goodman of the house had known in what watch the thief would come, he would have watched, and would not have suffered his house to be broken up.
44Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.
45Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season?
46Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing.
47Verily I say unto you, That he shall make him ruler over all his goods.
48But and if that evil servant shall say in his heart, My lord delayeth his coming;
49And shall begin to smite his fellowservants, and to eat and drink with the drunken;
50The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of,
51And shall cut him asunder, and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Matthew 23
1Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,
2Saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
3All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.
4For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
5But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments,
6And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues,
7And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi.
8But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren.
9And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.
10Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.
11But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
12And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.
13But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.
14Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.
15Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
16Woe unto you, ye blind guides, which say, Whosoever shall swear by the temple, it is nothing; but whosoever shall swear by the gold of the temple, he is a debtor!
17Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?
18And, Whosoever shall swear by the altar, it is nothing; but whosoever sweareth by the gift that is upon it, he is guilty.
19Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift?
20Whoso therefore shall swear by the altar, sweareth by it, and by all things thereon.
21And whoso shall swear by the temple, sweareth by it, and by him that dwelleth therein.
22And he that shall swear by heaven, sweareth by the throne of God, and by him that sitteth thereon.
23Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.
24Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.
25Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.
26Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.
27Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.
28Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.
29Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous,
30And say, If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.
31Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them which killed the prophets.
32Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers.
33Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?
34Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city:
35That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar.
36Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.
37O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
38Behold, your house is left unto you desolate.
39For I say unto you, Ye shall not see me henceforth, till ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord.

Matthew 22
1And Jesus answered and spake unto them again by parables, and said,
2The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son,
3And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.
4Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage.
5But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:
6And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them.
7But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.
8Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.
9Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.
10So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.
11And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:
12And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.
13Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness, there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
14For many are called, but few are chosen.
15Then went the Pharisees, and took counsel how they might entangle him in his talk.
16And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men.
17Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?
18But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?
19Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.
20And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?
21They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
22When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.
23The same day came to him the Sadducees, which say that there is no resurrection, and asked him,
24Saying, Master, Moses said, If a man die, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.
25Now there were with us seven brethren: and the first, when he had married a wife, deceased, and, having no issue, left his wife unto his brother:
26Likewise the second also, and the third, unto the seventh.
27And last of all the woman died also.
28Therefore in the resurrection whose wife shall she be of the seven? for they all had her.
29Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.
30For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.
31But as touching the resurrection of the dead, have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by God, saying,
32I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.
33And when the multitude heard this, they were astonished at his doctrine.
34But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.
35Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,
36Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38This is the first and great commandment.
39And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
41While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them,
42Saying, What think ye of Christ? whose son is he? They say unto him, The son of David.
43He saith unto them, How then doth David in spirit call him Lord, saying,
44The LORD said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool?
45If David then call him Lord, how is he his son?
46And no man was able to answer him a word, neither durst any man from that day forth ask him any more questions.

Monday, March 21, 2005

12And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,
13And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.
14And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple; and he healed them.
15And when the chief priests and scribes saw the wonderful things that he did, and the children crying in the temple, and saying, Hosanna to the son of David; they were sore displeased,
16And said unto him, Hearest thou what these say? And Jesus saith unto them, Yea; have ye never read, Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast perfected praise?
17And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there.
18Now in the morning as he returned into the city, he hungered.
19And when he saw a fig tree in the way, he came to it, and found nothing thereon, but leaves only, and said unto it, Let no fruit grow on thee henceforward for ever. And presently the fig tree withered away.
20And when the disciples saw it, they marvelled, saying, How soon is the fig tree withered away!
21Jesus answered and said unto them, Verily I say unto you, If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall not only do this which is done to the fig tree, but also if ye shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; it shall be done.
22And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive.
23And when he was come into the temple, the chief priests and the elders of the people came unto him as he was teaching, and said, By what authority doest thou these things? and who gave thee this authority?
24And Jesus answered and said unto them, I also will ask you one thing, which if ye tell me, I in like wise will tell you by what authority I do these things.
25The baptism of John, whence was it? from heaven, or of men? And they reasoned with themselves, saying, If we shall say, From heaven; he will say unto us, Why did ye not then believe him?
26But if we shall say, Of men; we fear the people; for all hold John as a prophet.
27And they answered Jesus, and said, We cannot tell. And he said unto them, Neither tell I you by what authority I do these things.
28But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard.
29He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.
30And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not.
31Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you.
32For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him.
33Hear another parable: There was a certain householder, which planted a vineyard, and hedged it round about, and digged a winepress in it, and built a tower, and let it out to husbandmen, and went into a far country:
34And when the time of the fruit drew near, he sent his servants to the husbandmen, that they might receive the fruits of it.
35And the husbandmen took his servants, and beat one, and killed another, and stoned another.
36Again, he sent other servants more than the first: and they did unto them likewise.
37But last of all he sent unto them his son, saying, They will reverence my son.
38But when the husbandmen saw the son, they said among themselves, This is the heir; come, let us kill him, and let us seize on his inheritance.
39And they caught him, and cast him out of the vineyard, and slew him.
40When the lord therefore of the vineyard cometh, what will he do unto those husbandmen?
41They say unto him, He will miserably destroy those wicked men, and will let out his vineyard unto other husbandmen, which shall render him the fruits in their seasons.
42Jesus saith unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvellous in our eyes?
43Therefore say I unto you, The kingdom of God shall be taken from you, and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof.
44And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder.
45And when the chief priests and Pharisees had heard his parables, they perceived that he spake of them.
46But when they sought to lay hands on him, they feared the multitude, because they took him for a prophet.

"Matthew 21
1And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem, and were come to Bethphage, unto the mount of Olives, then sent Jesus two disciples,
2Saying unto them, Go into the village over against you, and straightway ye shall find an ass tied, and a colt with her: loose them, and bring them unto me.
3And if any man say ought unto you, ye shall say, The Lord hath need of them; and straightway he will send them.
4All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, saying,
5Tell ye the daughter of Sion, Behold, thy King cometh unto thee, meek, and sitting upon an ass, and a colt the foal of an ass.
6And the disciples went, and did as Jesus commanded them,
7And brought the ass, and the colt, and put on them their clothes, and they set him thereon.
8And a very great multitude spread their garments in the way; others cut down branches from the trees, and strawed them in the way.
9And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest.
10And when he was come into Jerusalem, all the city was moved, saying, Who is this?
11And the multitude said, This is Jesus the prophet of Nazareth of Galilee."

Sorry, I'm a day late (and usually a dollar short), but better late than never.

Palm Sunday Prayer- from the Lutheran Book of Prayer (CPH, 1970):

Lord, the Day of Palms is a day of triumph in Your life. As You set Your face toward death and moved to the hour of Your glory beyond the cross, You came to us as King. Yet You came in lowly pomp that we might know the real purpose of Your coming.

Amid the shouts of "Hosannah to the Son of David" we know You as the Suffering Servant of God.

Through the waving palm branches we see You as the King of our peace.

On the way paved with the garments of man's homage we see You as the Son of Man, who came not to be served but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many.

Among the chants and songs of praises of little children we know You as the One who came to make us the children of God.

Come, King of grace, to rule in us. Lord of all mercy, have mercy upon us. Savior of sinners, save us.


It's holy week. Not much else to say right now.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Something Is Askew

I like to eat here, but I don't trust Subway. Why do you get only one napkin per sandwich there? You have to ASK for extra napkins. Does this make any sense? What can it cost them for one extra napkin? Is there a company policy that an employee can pile 5 pounds of extra goodies on a sandwich at no extra cost, but one cannot give away more than one napkin with it? I have a suggestion. Just take off all the nutritional information garbage on your napkins, Subway, and give me a PLAIN WHITE ONE. That should cut your napkin budget by at least 95%, which would allow me to eat my sandwich without trying to conserve napkin space. I mean, I'm tired of having to budget my napkin usage: this corner for my mouth, this corner for dribble off the straw or cup lid if I fill my beverage container too full, this corner in reserve for unforseen accidents, this corner for my eyes over-tearing from the jalapenos. God forbid I should get mixed up and wipe my eyes with the corner I just used for spillage from the jalapenos. I've got enough problems in my life without worrying about this.

And I hate to think about how many times I've been driving and had to use the whole napkin to wipe up a small cup spill. The one napkin they give you is barely bigger than a toilet tissue square.

Did I miss something? Is there a napkin shortage? Are there cartels of Arab napkin moguls who are controlling the world's supply of napkins? Do we have vast napkin stores in the wilderness of Alaska that are left untapped due to environmentalist concerns, leaving us with our one napkin per sandwich ration? Are we at the point where napkins will become a side order? Will this become fast food's new "EXTRA value meal", to have a napkin? "Sir, for just 50 cents more you can have a napkin with that."

Or is Subway just the cheapest fast-food joint on earth?

The Funniest Thing You'll Read All Year

A link to Casey Stengel's 1958 appearance before a Senate subcommittee on MLBs anti-trust and monopoly status was a whole lot more entertaining than what transpired yesterday. Let's not do like McGwire, and let's do go ahead and focus on the past (that phrase itself is "Stengelese"), because it is hysterical. My son and I were laughing out loud reading it. Hats off to Baseball Almanac, via the Cardinals Birdwatch for this. If you can make sense of it, please see your doctor.

And if you don't know who Casey is, LEARN. I believe Yogi learned his verbal dexterity at the feet of Casey. More Stengelese here.

The one quote that I hope won't apply to this year's Cardinals:
"If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are."
I don't think this will be the case, but last year the Cardinals flew under the radar and had something to prove. Obviously they can't fly under the radar this year, but they do have something left to prove to all of us who expect a world championship. I hope the Cardinals themselves still believe they have something to prove after last year's success. I was 18 years old in 1982. In my first 18 years, the Cardinals won 3 world championships. In my last 23 years, they have won 0. It's about time. We can make fun of the Cubs all we want to, but an almost quarter of a century without a championship is also a long time, friends.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Get Well Reggie!

Get well prayers go out for Reggie Sanders, Cardinals left fielder. Reggie was diagnosed with appendicitis yesterday and had an appendectomy last night. He is a definite favorite of fans, especially me, and players. He is a classy guy and fun to be around in the clubhouse.

Now the good news- he should be ready to play by opening day.


Thursday, March 17, 2005

If Scottius Maximus Ruled The World...

this would never have happened today. It's unfortunate that some people have to make life so difficult. But the answer to baseball's problem is so simple, even an ape can figure this out. You use steroids, you are out. You use human growth hormone, you are out. Done. Bye-bye. See ya. Simple. No suspensions. No 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th chances. You do it, that's it. You're banned. If you want to cry about that, go cry. And there would be no need for our "saviors", I mean, congressmen, to hold a grand-standing inquiry to discuss the problem.

Remember the old axiom, KISS.

For Sesame Street Grads Only

"One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?"

a. Ditka.

b. Parcells

c. Goodman

d. Havlicek.

e. Grandpa

f. Maximus

"Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one
is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!"

Now, what is it about grandpa that is different? I mean, besides the fact he is a vampire. Well, the rest are all noted fans of the St. Louis Cardinals. Some even showed up at the game Monday.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Terrorists In The Bible

According to Bible prophecy "expert" Jack Van Impe, there were terrorists in the time of Noah. And the violence spoken of in Genesis was terrorism. This according to his latest broadcast, aired on my local channel on Sunday.

Van Impe is famous for reading things in to the Bible that aren't there. Like claiming that airplanes, cars, and atomic weapons are in the Bible also, along with the nations of Russia and China.

So, his latest figment (I love using these words) begs the question- why did the terrorists not take out the ark? I mean, think about it. If the pre-flood terrorists wanted to make a statement, why not destroy what had to be one of the largest man-made structures on earth at that time. In Van Impe's world, I am sure one of them could have found a primitive plane to fly into the ark. Or maybe strapped some explosives on their bodies and rode in to it on their camels.

And maybe they didn't succeed because Noah was really, secretly, the Director of Homeland Security in his civilization. Perhaps he foiled multiple attacks. Perhaps he was on orange alert when the skies opened up.

Or perhaps Noah had made previous ark-building attempts that were destroyed by the terrorists. Perhaps he negotiated with the terrorists to give them a few of his "dispensable" animals in order to prevent another strike and let him finish his task.

Or perhaps Van Impe is eating too many wild mushrooms.

Monday, March 14, 2005


No, not at US 30 Drag Strip (only old WLS listeners will understand that reference, and you'd have to be at least 40 years old). I'm talking about the great radio programs on the Moody Broadcasting Network on Sunday nights. I like to go to bed early on Sunday nights just to listen in the dark to this programming. It is hard to explain what it is if you haven't heard it.

I begin my listening with the radio drama "Unshackled", sponsored by Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago. I should say, this is bad radio drama, but bad enough to be good. If that makes sense. The stories are supposedly true. The website describes dramatic re-enactments of supposed events as "stirring". That is not the word I would use. Amusing is a word that does come to mind, however. Bad accents, goofy and dramatic organ music, and a mixture of over- and under-acting predominate. But I am somehow hooked on this program. My imagination just runs wild listening to it. I am always most disappointed if I miss it. Radio rocks.

Following this program is the "award-winning" "Songs In The Night". The theme song to this program is so relaxing it could put Taz to sleep. And if you manage to make it past the theme music, there is a lot of good teaching by Dr. Erwin Lutzer of Moody Church. It is almost a cinch I'll be asleep before the end of this program.

Not a bad way to end a weekend- amused, relaxed, and ready to rest to take on a new week.

New Busch III Photos

These are courtesy of Ron Jacober's camera from the KMOX website.

Looking west, the right field stands and concourse are coming together nicely. Busch Jr. is visible north, just at the extreme right side of this picture.

Right field and 1st base side stands as viewed from the current Busch sidewalk facing south.

Right field stands, viewed facing east/southeast.

Sunday, March 13, 2005

This Is Me

Excerpt from my pastor's sermon with credit to Judson Edwards:

"'Just imagine that a man is given a present by one of his friends. The present is neatly wrapped in a small box with a pretty bow on top. Imagine that the man opens the box and discovers a huge diamond inside. He is flabbergasted at his friend's extravagance, and thanks him effusively. But then the man takes the gift home, removes the diamond from the box, and tosses it into the trash can! Incredibly, he puts the box and the bow on his fireplace mantle. When visitors come to the house, he proudly shows them the box and the ribbon. He explains that the box once contained a precious diamond, but that he threw it away because he liked the wrapping better. His friends are speechless and leave the house shaking their heads at the man's obvious lack of discernment.

The box in that story is the body, and the diamond is the soul. We take great pains to display the box to the world. We feed it, paint it, want it to be attractive at all times. But, sadly, we forget the diamond inside the box. We neglect the soul that is eternal and most precious. How foolish to spend all our energy and attention on the box and neglect the diamond. (Judson Edwards, Regaining Control of Your Life, Minneapolis, Minnesota: Bethany House Publishers, 1989).'

Do you think maybe that's the way we deal with others as well? We're much too concerned about our relationship to the wrapper instead of the diamond inside. We spend our energy and attention on the outward relationship we have with others and neglect the soul inside for fear we might harm our relationship with the outward appearance- the wrapper."

Ugh. That hit me right in the gut. Lord have mercy.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Ya Think?

Nice to see the Israeli Defense Force is on top of things. I only hope the US Army has such a policy. Until soldiers are required to carry 50 sided dice or wear dwarf costumes to fight demons, I would say having a D&D player in your platoon is a losing proposition.

'They're detached from reality and suscepitble to influence,” the army says." Yeah, I'd say so, too.

"'We have discovered that some of them are simply detached from reality," a security source told Ynet." I'd pretty much say you have a firm grasp of the obvious, security dude.

"'The game indicates a weak personality'". Or, how about no personality.

The only thing that is not clear is whether the IDF has a similar policy for losers who dress up in Darth Vader or Chewbacca costumes and carry light-sabers. Let's pray this is also true.

The Mets Must Be Kidding

The new unis of the New York Mets(?):

You gotta love the socks and shoes. It looks like what old man McBride used to wear while he'd mow his grass on a hot summer's day when I was growing up. But I could get with this outfit if garters came with it.

I Hope You Have Your Tickets

No, not for the rapture (see previous post). For Busch Stadium's last year. When it's March 11th, and 2.45 million tickets have already been sold, panic may soon set in. I've got to get my you know what in gear. Only 167,000 tickets were sold last weekend. Gulp! I hate to know what the hotel situation is, coming from out of town.

I Have Not Seen This Before

What could be more important than the weather? The Dow Jones? No, it's the Rapture Index. Hilarious stuff, from Ship of Fools.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

The New Renaissance Man

Call him Dee DaVinci. Or Leonardo Brown.

He's Dee Brown, of the Illinois Fighting Illini. He is one of a three guard lineup on the top-rated college basketball team in America. But did you know he is a good student? Did you also know Dee Brown is a contestant on ESPN's "Dream Job" this year? Where does he find time for all this in the middle of the basketball season? The man knows not of the word sleep.

And to top it all off, Dee Brown was also an NFL running back for the Carolina Panthers of the NFL.

You'd almost think he was more than one person, or something?

I Coulda Been A Contenda

This is fun. Take the Rocky quiz on ESPN's page 3. I thought I'd get a perfect score, having seen each movie about 15 times, but a couple of hard questions threw me. I only got 8 out of 10.

Another Word Of The Month

For March, it is the little used word figment. No, not the fruity cake bars we all love. And not the stuff that gives things color.

Figment: Something invented, made up, or fabricated: just a figment of the imagination; a contrived or fantastic idea. (Middle English, from Latin figmentum, from fingere, to form.) From

My question is, can one use figment in a sentence without the phrase "of the imagination" trailing it? My answer is, of course. As if I know anything. I just made that up. My answer, therefore, is a figment.

Figment is a noun. Why can't we try it some time as a verb? Like, "I am figmenting a new post right now", or "Edison figmented the light bulb." Sounds kind of cool, doesn't it?

Behold, figment, March 2005 word of the month.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Does This REALLY Surprise Anyone?

This is and has been a troubled man. Deep down we all knew, despite our hopes, this was the only logical ending to a nightmarish 4 1/2 years. We were all hoping for better, and I can't say I am not severely disappointed. It is not often that I hold the following belief, but the Cardinals royally screwed this kid up. In starting him so young in the big leagues and in the playoffs. In trying not to make a big deal about his wildness problems, and ending up actually making a big deal about it by the way they treated him with kid gloves. It got in his head. The next to last straw had to be the total lack of confidence shown to Rick last fall. The Cardinals are never (probably) going to be as far in front of their division as they were last September. And yet, the Cardinals could not even bear to use him more than just a small bit at a time with a 15 game lead. We who were thinking about Ankiel being a fill in starter or a bullpen fireman this year were just kidding ourselves.

The real back breaker came last week, when the Cardinals had to go and yank him from a throwing session, in other words, practice. Being yanked from practice has got to damage the strongest psyche, not to mention a man who has gone through what Ankiel has. The Cardinals never gave him a chance, to sink or swim, to succeed or fail. They just wouldn't give him any leash. Thinking back, I think it would have been better had Ankiel been thrown out there to the sharks and wolves. Because, in the end, if he hadn't succeeded, at least he would have known he gave it his best shot. I don't think the Cardinals allowed Ankiel to give it his best shot. And I believe Ankiel just got sick of it.

Now I can only pray for his success as an outfielder. This hurts. But in a way, maybe this is Rick's way of getting his independence. Because he is out of options. Meaning, if the Cardinals wanted to send him to the minors again, he would have to be exposed to waivers. And another team could take a chance on him. Which would be good. I think it is best for Ankiel and the Cardinals that they part company very soon.

Blessings, Rick. Try not to think of what might have been. And thanks a lot, Cards. This was a big muff up.

Stay Alert At All Costs

Being the horribly sinful being that I am, sometimes my mind wanders during the preaching of God's word. Tonight at church, my pastor began to preach from Leviticus 23 regarding the Lord's Feast of Tabernacles. My wretched mind being what it is, meandered away from what was being preached for a brief moment or ten. But my brain snapped back to attention, when I could have sworn I heard him say something about the Israelites and their festival of booze.

Festival of booze? I think to myself. I'm suddenly attentive. Then he said it again. This has struck me dumbfounded. By this time, I am looking around the congregation, trying to see the response from the rest of my cohorts. But there is no apparent reaction. "Wake up everyone", I want to scream out loud, "didn't you hear what he just said?" But everyone is just sitting normally, like they know what he is talking about. Well, I don't. This is an amazing topic the pastor is talking about, yet I know nothing about it. I have read and know my Bible (not like I should, mind you), but I don't remember any booze festivals. Booze festivals? Are you kidding me?

I am about to whisper something in my wife's ear to the effect of "what's he talking about, did he really just say what I thought he said, and why aren't you puzzled by it also?" But I then remembered tonight's scripture, which my pastor was in the midst of explaining, and which I was royally missing. He wasn't talking about festivals of booze after all. He was saying "booths". "Live in booths for seven days: All native-born Israelites are to live in booths, so your descendants will know that I had the Israelites live in booths when I brought them out of Egypt. I am the Lord your God." - Leviticus 23: 42-43.

Duh! Never mind.

Oh How The World Has Changed In Forty Five Years

"Some of the homeliest people in the world have done some of the greatest things."- Ward Cleaver, c. 1960.

"Some of the homeliest people in the world have done some of the ugliest things."- Scottius Maximus, 2005.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Castaway Mel

The "Ballad Of Mel Gibson's Isle".
Words by Scottius Maximus.
Musical arrangement as per "The Ballad Of Gilligan's Island" by Sherwood Schwartz, as sung by The Wellingtons.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a rich actor,
Who bought himself a small island,
But didn't know one factor.

The island was in Fiji, man,
But a small tribe had one plea.
It seems that they'd been kicked off it
In the nineteenth century... the nineteenth century.

The situation, it had been rough,
The ancestors, you see.
Sold Mago Isle for coconuts,
At gunpoint- that's scary...that really was scary.

So now the descendants want it back,
They're taking Mel to court,
To block his purchase of this isle,
From Japan's Tokyu it on the Drudge Report.

With Mel Gibson,
The Japanese,
The Fiji tribe,
And attorneys.
But...they don't know...
That the Professor and Mary Ann
Hold the deed to Mel's Isle!

Ablaze! Story Of The Month

Personal invitation to two persons.
New York, NY. February 2005.

"While walking to work, I spotted two people in white suits fighting on the steps of the New York library. I yelled out to them to invite them to a "Seekers Concert" starring Amy Grant at Madison Square Garden next week, sponsored in part by my Lutheran church. I know I was heard, because one of them looked away from what she was doing and spotted me, just before the other slashed at her arm (quite viciously, I might add) with a sword-like weapon. I hope I was able to reach them before someone got hurt."

People reached: At least one, I think.

For more information about Ablaze! click here. Hopefully you will understand what I am writing about if you don't already. I write this post in jest, of course, to again point out the shortcomings of the type of thinking at work here. I fear this program, Ablaze!, makes a mockery of us Lutherans, and is therefore, fair game for ridicule. People do not bring others to Christ, folks; that is the work of God alone. And yet the LCMS has developed a human-constructed purpose-driven corporate-psychology numbers game to reach 100,000,000 people by 2017, whatever that means. Why can't we all just be who we are, and not get caught up in typical American Protestant games with a look-at-what-we're-doing mentality? I post this for fun, sure, but also so I can point out what I perceive as the errors of those who get wrapped up in such things, which, since man-derived, are doomed to failure. And when they fail I fear that the enemies of our Lord are emboldened to ridicule Lutherans, as well as all Christians.

So let's just be Lutheran, okay? Okay!

Championship Week

I love championship week. I guess this really isn't technically championship week because that is still 4 weeks away, the weekend of the NCAA Final Four. But it is exciting to watch all these basketball teams in do-or-die desperation situations that are trying to play their way in to the tournament. That stated, I do think the time has come to do away with championship week. Because I think the NCAA tournament should be opened up to all Division I schools. No bids. Everyone is in. Everyone has a shot. No crying and moping around for the two or three schools who get ripped off and have to play in a meaningless NIT tournament. Everyone gets in and gets their shot.

All teams would be ranked. Brackets would then be set up based on the rankings just as they are now. Some teams would get first round byes and others wouldn't, because there aren't a perfect number of teams to fill a "perfect bracket". But, you want to talk about March Madness? Every team in. Every game after the conference regular season schedule would mean something. No more meaningless ACC tournament championship games with two teams that are going to the NCAA tournament anyway. And the regular season would mean something again, because those that won their regular season conference would obviously get a better seed. Everybody loves the "Cinderella" teams. There'd be a lot more of these teams in the tournament.

So why not make a good thing better? Every team in. You lose, you're out. Exciting, to the max, no?

What, Me Worry?


Ahem. The above was a little dramatization.

Game one of the Card's spring went to the Mets 7-5. Who cares? Mark Mulder gave up four runs in the first inning. Who cares? There's an article on the spring training notes of the Cardinals official website that talks about there being a big deal made of Mulder's showing yesterday. What's wrong with Mulder? Who cares? ESPN is posting meaningless scores of spring training games on their bottom screen scoreboard. Who cares? The Yankees and Red Sox play Monday. Who cares?

Kind of reminds me of last year's spring opener against the Mets, when your favorite and mine, Matt Morris, gave up eight or nine runs in his first couple of innings. And last season turned out okay, I guess. Why they bother to even keep score in spring training is beyond me. Just let them throw and hit and run and field. They can start keeping scores and stats on April 5th. Until then, I wish these reporters would just stick to stories that matter in spring training. Oh, I forgot, there aren't any, this side of an injury or another Ankiel meltdown.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Maximus Is On The Move, Baby

Cool website linked from World Magazine's blog. One can type in any name, and see its popularity as a baby name for the past century, both in overall rank and in number per million babies.

As I'm sure you're all already aware, Maximus, perhaps inspired in some way by this blog, is growing in popularity as a baby name. In 2003 it was the 375th most popular name, but I'm sure it is higher now. It's popularity is exploding. What an honor! Thank you all very much.

But, what's wrong with Scottius? It did not even register. I think it's a grand name. What's wrong with you people?!!!

I Think The Cubs Are On To Something

Adding new seats to Wrigley sounds like a good idea to me. That way, when the rest of this dilapidated stadium collapses, there will still be some choice good seats amongst all the rubble. That is if you can still see through all the dust hanging in the air after the disaster. Leave it to the Cubs to have a ballpark in bad need of some attention, yet focusing in on building new seats.

But we are talking about the Cubs after all, so I can believe it. It fits the Cubs modus operandi for the past 60 years.