Tuesday, January 31, 2006

And How Did You Spend Your Winter Vacation?

I think Mike spent his at the track.

Last week listening to the
Hot Stove League Program on the radio, Mike Shannon called in to the program to discuss what the Cardinals have been up to this winter. A couple of times during his segment, I think he was drowned out by the sound of "A Call To The Post" bugle fanfare. A typical Mike Shannon moment.

He sounds like he is raring to go. I feel he is genuinely excited about working with his new partner, John Rooney.

And in other Mike Shannon news, it appears Mike Shannon's Steaks and Seafood has moved to a new location a block south of the old location. Why, I do not know, but apparently it has a good view of the new stadium. Be sure to visit if you're in St. Louis.

16 Days until Pitchers and Catchers report
20 Days until Position Players report
68 Days until the New Busch Stadium officially opens

A Tale Of Two Stadiums

First, from the great Redbird Central. A photo tribute to old Busch Stadium II's final season, complete with music and play-by play highlights. I'm not sure who put it together, but it's nice. You'll have to download it to play it on your Microsoft Windows Media Player, but it doesn't take long if you have a high speed connection. And here you can view a time lapse of the stadium construction covering the last 3 months. It is updated daily.

Okay. Now, do you know what time it is kids?


Sorry Howdy, but it's KMOV stadium construction photo update time!


Without further ado...

Here's the Busch Stadium II remnant on the north edge of the complex. The International Bowling and St. Louis Cardinals Museum and Hall of Fame is at the top right of the picture across the street.

View from the sky looking east. The left field stands are in the process of being built.

View from the sky looking south. I'm not sure what the giant metallic looking thing is at the outside of the left field stands, but looks from this view to be on an angle. Like a giant slide.

Work being done in the outfield. At least Eckstein's Buildings have been removed. Ahh, the power of the people!

New big screen HDTV for Cardinals fans. If you think this is big, you should see the clicker. The only question is- DISH or cable?

Looking southwest back at homeplate. I've got it figured out. Since the view from the Arch will be quite similar, I think I can save money on tickets and just buy my way to the top of the Arch. I can watch a whole game for under 10 bucks. I'll need a radio to listen to Mike, and a nice, cold, frosty one.

There is at last a pitching rubber. But the rest of the infield would look better covered with grass. I hope someone has thought of that. Right now, if it were a dog, it would look like a Mexican Hairless.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Signs Of The Apocalypse

My latest haiku. It's called, "I Think The World Is About To End." It's inspired by the unseasonable weather we have had this winter, and it's 100% true.

"It's January-

There's a fly in my office.

And my lawn is green."

By the way, I'm thinking of calling the fly "Frosty."

"Hi-ya, folks."

Sunday, January 29, 2006

How To Get Out Of Jury Duty, Part One

My poor wife has been summonsed for jury duty in March. And I'm doing my darnedest trying to think of excuses for her to get out of it.

It's not that serving on a jury is not a noble thing. It is, I'm sure. It's just that you have to know my wife, Mrs. Maximus. It is within the realm of possibility that something will befall her such as happened to Rob Petrie in the photo above.

So, I've mustered my best efforts, and come up with what I believe is a fool-proof plan to escape said disaster during the week she is called to serve.

- She should declare she has "temporarily" converted to Islam, and it just so happens she has a jihad planned for that day. Wearing a burka will help her cause.

- Offer free season tickets to the Cardinals inaugural season at the new Busch Stadium. Once her bribe is accepted, she will need to run like mad to the nearest computer to see if she can actually find someone selling tickets. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

- She should stand up as the day's proceedings begin, point to someone randomly in the courtroom, and yell, "He has a bomb!" During the ensuing melee, she can sneak out a side exit.

Point to as many people as possible, repeating the mantra, "HE DID IT" or "SHE DID IT."

At the first opportunity, say quite loudly, in her best Beavis or Butthead voice, "Uh...Huh huh huh...Uh...Huh huh huh...He said reBUTTal! Uh huh huh huh!"

If anyone has any better ideas, such as excuses that won't actually land her in jail, please e-mail me.

And don't worry. She has more sense than to listen to me.

Friday, January 27, 2006

The Rule Of The Anglos

Pretty cool.

And, no matter how much this might offend someone, there's no denying its truth. Awesome essay.

Thanks to World Mag Blog for the link.

Scottius Maximus Celebrity Of The Month- Chris Elliott

Okay, this honor is usually reserved for Cardinals fans. And I have no idea where his allegiance lies. But last week's post on Leif Garrett got me to thinking about Chris Elliott.

Most people remember him in Get A Life, the hilarious short-running sitcom from Fox's earliest years.

Or remember him from the films Groundhog Day and There's Something About Mary.

But he was equally funny playing recurring characters in the 1980s on Late Night With David Letterman. The show before Dave became a surly, embittered, old dude.

The first time I remember seeing him was as the recurring character, "The Guy Under The Seats". At some point during the show, he would pop up through a trap-door like opening in the center aisle of the audience risers. He would then yell out to Dave as he was trying to do some comedy bit. I remember Dave would always end up saying something sarcastic to him, which would launch Chris' character into an easily offended paranoid who would threaten Dave's future with the line, "making your life a living hell."

Later on during that show's run he played "The Panicky Guy", another recurring character. Again during one of Dave's comedy bits, he would suddenly appear by running out on stage or through the audience in a panic. I don't remember much else except he would scream and yell around and run off the set through the stage doors on the right side.

Here's to Chris Elliott, my kind of comedian, and the Scottius Maximus Celebrity Of The Month.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

A Year Later, And We're Both Still Awaiting A Logical Explanation

"The dateline STILL confuses me, too."- Maria Sharapova.

Absolutely, Maria. Yeah, that's right. I'm so confused...somebody help me.

Last year, during the women's semifinal of the Australian Open, I couldn't figure this stuff out, and got so dizzy while trying I almost missed work the next day.

So here we go again.

Tonight, 1/25/06, as I am writing this, the women's semifinal is starting on ESPN2.

But is it really on tonight, because in Australia, as I am watching, they are actually playing tomorrow (1/26/06). So when I watch this tonight am I really watching something taking place tomorrow? Am I looking in to the future?

Or is it actually taking place today, even though the date of the match is tomorrow (1/26/06)? But how could the match be on 1/26/06 if it's really only 1/25/06 when I am watching it live?

On the other hand, if they are playing the match 1/26/06, which is tomorrow, how is it I am watching it tonight 1/25/06? And if they are actually playing tonight, then how come in Australia it is already tomorrow, which is plainly not today? How can all this be? I don't think it can be.

I'm calling in sick tomorrow.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Weekend Time Waster, Part 5

The Cliff Diving Game. Courtesy of the Sklars. I'm not sure if it is Jason or Randy with the pink trunks and the tortoise dive, but he screws me up every time. I can't get over 15,000.

"The degree of difficulty may be hard, but the degree of entertainment is fabulous!"

Good Advice

The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.

They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.

It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur. Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.

I Have So Much To Change

From the Daily Repentance Dept.

I need to change so much about myself. Reading this made me realize this fact even more. So many days I feel anger toward anyone who even questions me or my beliefs.

From World Magazine's Gene Edward Vieth. This was reprinted in our church's weekly newsletter. I've copied the whole thing here, without permission, of course.

"Radical tactic

Forgiveness may be the only way to transform American culture

by Gene Edward Veith
Jan 21, 2006

Christians struggle with how to change the culture. We might get some ideas from the movie End of the Spear (see "Walk this way"), the true story of how two missionary women and their children changed the Waodani tribe.

The Waodani would seem to be the worst-case scenario for a morally depraved culture.

They were totally lawless, refusing to submit even to a tribal government. They killed outsiders. They killed each other. They even killed their own children. They were so hostile to Christianity that they killed the missionaries who sought to help them. How could a culture like that ever be transformed?

The bereaved family members, Elisabeth Elliot and Rachel Saint, moved into the village. They made their home with the very individuals who murdered their loved ones. Their sheer audacity and most of all their spirit of forgiveness sent shockwaves throughout the culture.

This suggests a tactic Christians embroiled in other culture wars might employ: radical, self-sacrificial demonstrations of the love of Christ.

Today opinion leaders in Europe and the United States are trying to associate conservative Christians with the radical Islamic terrorists. Both are trying to "impose" their religion and morality on people. Both are trying to eliminate freedom and establish an oppressive theocracy.

Unfortunately, some people ostensibly on the Christian side of the culture war are closer to the jihadists than to Christ. Fred Phelps and his followers have been picketing funerals of AIDS victims with signs that read "God Hates Fags." Now they are protesting the evils in America by demonstrating at funerals of soldiers who died in Iraq, carrying signs reading "God Hates America" and "Thank God for Dead Soldiers."

Some Christians are not on the side of the jihadists, but they play into the hands of critics who say that they are. Pat Robertson does not help the credibility of Christians when he calls for the assassination of Hugo Chavez and says that God smote Ariel Sharon for trying to create peace between Israel and the Palestinians.

A far more effective tactic would be for Christians to replace expressions of anger, righteous indignation, and power plays (even when they might be justified), with expressions of sorrow for sin, compassion for the lost, and the love of Christ.

When gay activists targeted Liberty University to protest its policies against homosexuality, they were expecting an angry, headline-grabbing confrontation. Instead, Liberty students greeted them with kindness, compassion, and fresh-baked muffins and cookies.

In the refugee camps of Darfur, in AIDS hospitals throughout Africa, in villages devastated by earthquakes or the tsunami, Christians are providing critical help, often to people who had been taught to demonize Christianity.

Christians today must combat the common assumption that all religions are essentially the same. That used to mean that they were all equally good. Now it is taken to mean that they are equally bad. Christ's gospel of love stands in stark and dramatic contrast to the jihadist's gospel of hate. Christians need to find ways to intentionally and publicly accentuate that difference.

Though the state must protect its citizens with the sword, the church embodies Christ's forgiveness. Just as He has forgiven us, we are to "forgive those who trespass against us."

What would happen to the soaring divorce rate among Christians if couples would learn to forgive each other? What would the witness of the church be like if congregations and whole denominations would dissolve their conflicts in mutual repentance and forgiveness?

Like the Waodani, our nation, our families, and our churches are torn apart with conflict and retribution. There is only one way to stop it, the way of Rachel Saint and Elisabeth Elliot.

Copyright © 2006 WORLD Magazine

January 28, 2006, Vol. 21, No. 4"

Friday, January 20, 2006

A Post Inspired By A Beautiful Woman

Before I get in trouble, I'd better clarify this. The woman is my wife. Okay?

Now, everyone, take out their driver's license.

Look at the weight that is listed.

I'll wager that the weight listed ends in a 0 or a 5.

Am I right?

My wife's ends in a 4. As in 114.

Now, I'm wondering, who else puts an actual weight and doesn't round up or down to a 0 or 5?

And does anyone put 1/2 at the end? Like 185 1/2 lbs.? Or ounces? As in 193 lbs 11 oz.?

I'm curious.

A Public Service Announcement

You must show this to your children. Please speak to them about it.

If they are good-looking. And especially if they're goblins.

You see, once upon a time there was this really good looking kid. Let's call him...oh, I don't know, let's say, for instance...Leif.

Leif was very popular with the ladies. Had lots of cash. Seemed to have the world by the tail. At age 12. At age 14. At age 16 and 18.

Let's skip ahead a few years.

[Warning- look away if you are easily upset- Site editor].

Here's what this guy, theoretically only, of course, may look 30 years later:

Moral to our children:
1- If you're not good looking now, don't worry, that good looking person you can't stand will end up looking like a deranged evil twin to Chris Elliott.

2-If you are good looking now, enjoy it, because the rest of your life will be downright creepy.

3- If you are "in love" with a good looking famous person at age 13, you'll want to hurl as this suppressed memory surfaces at age 40, when they are arrested for heroin possession.

All theoretical, of course.

Thank you.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Apollo Creed Was A Heretic?

I would like to take this opportunity to express my distress that, even though I am orthodox and officially not a heretic, I have some heretical tendencies. Yes, don't we all?

But I didn't know that liking the character Apollo Creed was wrong. Apparently being "Apollonarian", or pro-Apollo, borders on grounds for ex-communication.

I guess when Apollo says, "I want you" in the first Rocky, he had a different meaning that I thought.

Anyway, here's a fun quiz I took, with credit to the blog Journalistic Jargon, where I found it.

You scored as Chalcedon compliant. You are Chalcedon compliant. Congratulations, you're not a heretic. You believe that Jesus is truly God and truly man and like us in every respect, apart from sin. Officially approved in 451.

Chalcedon compliant




























Are you a heretic?
created with QuizFarm.com

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Happy Belated Birthday, El Hombre

Yesterday was Albert Pujols' Birthday. And I missed the ball. Ugh.

So here's to Albert- Happy 26th Birthday!

Thanks to the good folks at The Birdwatch for keeping watch while I fell asleep. Great post with Albert factoids there.

Hey, Clark, Let's Order Some Of Them History Channel Videos!

Why does the History Channel take us for a bunch of doofuses (or is it doofi?)?

Last night I caught a glimpse of the Lincoln documentary they have been advertising the past month. You know, the one where Lincoln fought two wars, one was in his head.

I'm sorry I missed almost the whole thing. But at the end they did their usual adverstisement thing. The one where the announcer says you can own a copy of the show you just watched for $29.99.

Now I may look like an idiot, but even I know I just got through watching the exact same show for FREE. Okay, not exactly free, it does cost me a few cents a month to subscribe. And like everything else on cable, this show will be rerun and rerun. So, for the cost of a blank videotape, or for nothing if I have one of those digital recording devices on my satellite receiver, I CAN ALREADY OWN a copy of this. And save $29.99.

Obviously there are people out there buying these things or they wouldn't keep doing it. Has anyone bought one, or know of anyone, who has done this?

Monday, January 16, 2006

Blame The One They Call Polly For This

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Scottius Maximus!

  1. Dolphins sleep at night just below the surface of Scottius Maximus, and frequently rise to the surface for air.
  2. Scottius Maximus has only one weakness - the colour yellow.
  3. Scottius Maximus can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time.
  4. Scottius Maximus is born white; his pink feathers are caused by pigments in his typical diet of shrimp.
  5. Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like Scottius Maximus!
  6. Scottius Maximus can squeeze his entire body through a hole the size of his beak!
  7. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat Scottius Maximus'!
  8. South Australia was the first place to allow Scottius Maximus to stand for parliament.
  9. While sleeping, fifteen percent of men snore, and ten percent grind their Scottius Maximus.
  10. Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of Scottius Maximus.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Picked this up off Mossback Meadow. Check it out.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

LCMS Sick, Dying, And Badly In Need Of A Doctor

Sumbuddy has sum 'splainin' to do!

I'll leave it to any LCMS person to explain how the LCMS is still orthodox, due to it's inability to recognize heresy. If you can't point out and reject heresy, I don't think you are orthodox.

The following is yet another reason why I refer to the LCMS as the LCMesS. Because it is doing the tango with heterodoxy. Which is like doing the tango with eggs stuffed in one's shirt. Just ask Lucy Ricardo what that's like.

Here are two questions that baffle the LCMS leadership:
Is Christ truly and fully God? And with that question, is a person that denies Christ is truly and fully God a heretic?

That one should be a meatball hanging over the plate, easy to hit out of the park, a la Pujols' 2005 game 5 NLCS jack. But the LCMS doesn't seem to know what to do with these questions.

Is that sad, or what?

I am with those that insist Christ is fully and truly God, and if Christ is not fully and truly God, we're all in trouble.

And if He is not, St. Paul was wrong to say in
Col. 2:9: ‘For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form.’(NIV).

What is so difficult about this question? Like, are y'all orthodox or heterodox? Scary stuff.

Wake up, all you LCMS people who are asleep. The LCMS is NOT the church. Get out. Stand with those of us who have left. Don't put up with this. Get away from these people. Don't be counted with them.

And if I'm wrong, show me where I am, that you may win a brother .

From Reclaim News:

""LCMS Not Sure If John Baptized God in Christ 2000 Years Ago"

Was that man that John the Baptist baptized, 2000 years ago, the entire, whole, complete God in the flesh; was He a part of God; or did John only baptize the human Jesus?

The Lutheran Church Missouri Synod has been struggling with this any (sic) many other questions about the Trinity and the Person of Christ since June of 2001.

In May of 2001, Reverend Jack Cascione declared that Dr. Waldo Werning’s book, "Health and Healing for the LCMS,” which was sent to every 2001 LCMS Convention delegate, rejected the correct doctrine of the Trinity and the Two Natures of Christ.

In his book, Werning proclaims that “God revealed Himself in three ways” (pages 33-34) and that Christians, “experience God in a three-fold manner,” and that God has “three manners of being.” With this heresy, Werning denies that any Person of the Trinity, in particular, Jesus Christ, is the entire, whole, complete God apart from whom there is no other God.

Modalism is that false doctrine that teaches that one God appears in different ways or manners. Tritheism is that false doctrine with teaches that there are three separate Gods.

Werning promptly filed charges against Cascione.

The South Wisconsin District President, Dr. Ronald E. Meyer, Vice president Rev. Paul Borgman, and Rev. Ronald Krug promptly wrote letters defending Werning’s book as the correct doctrine of the LCMS and wrote that Cascione had slandered Werning. Also, Dr. Paul Maier, second vice President of the LCMS, wrote for the LCMS Praesdium that Werning had been slandered and could file charges against Cascione.

Former Michigan District President Dr. John Heins, Rev. Wayne Pohl, Rev. John Reusch, and Michigan District First Vice President Rev. Toshio Okamoto, also appeared as silent witnesses for Werning in 2002. Heins also took minutes of the meeting for Werning.

LCMS President, Dr. Gerald Kieschnick, also wrote a paper defending Werning’s position. Kieschnick declared that saying “Jesus is the entire, whole, complete God” is “confusing” and “misleading.”

So, who did John the Baptist baptize 2000 years ago by the River Jordan? All the above clergy support Werning’s teaching on the Trinity by agreeing with him that Jesus is not the “entire, whole, complete God apart from whom there is no other God.” In other words, they don’t agree that God was baptized in Christ, unless of course they think God has parts.

During a formal LCMS dispute resolution panel meeting in Chicago in August of 2004, Werning continued to explain his heretical teaching on the Trinity and the Two Natures of Christ. He also announced that Kieschnick pleaded with him to file charges against Cascione.

Werning also explained that Acts 20:28 is not talking about Jesus Christ when it speaks about God’s blood, that Luther is wrong in writing, "and there's none other God" (TLH) about Jesus Christ in verse two of "A Mighty Fortress;" and the words, “when God the Might Maker died” are wrong in verse three of “Alas and Did My Savior Bleed” (TLH).

On December 6, 2005, Lutheran Church Missouri Synod Secretary, Doctor Raymond Hartwig wrote in a letter to Dr. Waldo Werning that the LCMS would attempt to resolve the charges that Werning filed against Rev. Jack Cascione. Cascione was removed from the LCMS clergy roster by LCMS President of the Council of District Presidents, Dr. William Hoesman, on December 20, 2004.

In October of 2005, Cascione offered $2,000 to any LCMS Pastor who can get Werning to agree that God’s blood is Jesus Christ’s blood in Acts 20:28; that Luther is correct in the second verse of “A Mighty Fortress;” and that Jesus Christ is the entire, whole, complete God, apart from whom there is no other God.

No South Wisconsin District pastors accepted the challenge to collect the bounty. These pastors can’t be paid to confess what they are supposed to confess of their own free will.

We read in Luke 3:21-22, “Now when all the people were baptized, it came to pass, that Jesus also being baptized, and praying, the heaven was opened, 22 And the Holy Ghost descended in a bodily shape like a dove upon him, and a voice came from heaven, which said, Thou art my beloved Son; in thee I am well pleased.”

This is what Luther says about these verses:

“Of this Man [Jesus Christ] you cannot say: That is God the Father or that is God the Holy Spirit; but you must say: That is God the Son, although God the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are one God, and although you can say very correctly of the Man: That is God, and there is no other god beside Him. And yet it would be incorrect to say: That is God the Father or God the Holy Spirit. No, you must say: That is God the Son, as St. Paul declares in Col. 2:9: ‘For in Him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily.’ And yet the Father and the Holy Spirit are not thereby deprived of their Godhead but are one God together with the Son and Man Christ. Here you observe how the three Persons are to be believed as distinct within the Godhead and are not to be jumbled together into one Person and that, for all of that, the divine essence is not to be divided to make three gods. Viewed from without, from the point of view of the creature, there is but one Creator, so completely one that even the creature forms which the three Persons individually take are the single work of all three Persons of the one God.” (Luther’s Works Vol. 15, Page 305)

It has been 4½ years since Werning filed charges against Cascione. The Chicago Dispute Resolution Panel attempted to make a decision in the case in April of 2005. However, when Cascione pointed out that the ruling from the Synod’s Commission on Theology and Church Relations (CTCR), favoring Werning, was written before the panel met in August of 2004, the Panel has remained silent. In other words, the Synod decided the case before it was heard.

Werning wants a final answer from the Synod certifying that his false doctrine of the Trinity and the Two Natures of Christ is the correct doctrine of the Synod.

Werning appealed to the LCMS Commission on Constitutional Matters (CCM) that the Synod was not following the Handbook by taking all this time to come to a formal decision in his charges against Cascione. LCMS Secretary Hartwig assures Werning there will be a decision in 2006.

Perhaps then, the LCMS will officially decide who was baptized by John the Baptist in the River Jordan 2000 years ago.


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List owner and Reclaim News editor, Rev. Jack Cascione can be reached at pastorcascione@juno.com

Also participate in www.Lutherquest.org for discussion."

Also view www.reclaimingwalther.org for papers, articles, & previous releases.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

Couldn't David Eckstein Say, "I'm Not Playing There With Those Things In The Way"?

Potential controversy in Cardinals Land? Photos below courtesy of KMOV- thanks people.

New photos from Busch III show two buildings on the playing field, one behind second base and one in the patrol area of Cardinals shortstop David Eckstein. I question the wisdom of putting such buildings there. I mean, doesn't anyone else see the potential for injury here? Perhaps a little letter writing campaign will lead the architects to reconsider. Will you help?

Nice pictures of the stadium's newly completed sign on the southwest corner of the stadium (homeplate corner- try to ignore highway 40 on the right):

Looking north from this corner up the street (3rd base side):

Entering field boxes behind homeplate, looking northeast. Nice view, but I hope it does not distract too much from the baseball being played:

Giant new rightfield scoreboard work continues:

Views from under the right field scoreboard, looking back west toward homeplate and then across to the northwest to the left field side of the stadium, where major construction continues on the stands themselves.

Some decorative art on the outside of the stadium. I'm just not sure whereabouts it is yet:

Inside the new stadium. It appears to me the area to walk around is more than twice as wide as in the old Busch.

A view of a new concession stand. Those two hungry guys are going to be mighty disappointed, 'cause it ain't open yet. Dolts!

Inner work on the concession stand:

New red (of course) seats. Love the cup holders! But what about the two fisted drinker?

Verdict so far? I love it! Except for the infield buildings. I wonder if they'll sell tickets there?