Friday, July 22, 2005

Try This On For Size, My Crispy Friends

It's hot where I am. And I've had about enough of this thing you see above for now. So I've put some thoughts to paper. Record it at your own risk, ye budding artists.

"Stairway To Hell" , copyright 2005. Words by Scottius Maximus. Sung to the tune of "Stairway To Heaven."
With my deepest apologies to Led Zeppelin.

"There's a lady who states, that this heat wave is great

as she's frying an egg on my sidewalk.
It's so humid, I bet, I'll be soaking wet,
just by blinking my eyelids too quickly.
Ooooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooooh, and she's frying an egg on my sidewalk.

It's so bright I can't see, as the sun beats on me,
'Cause my pupils constrict down to nothing.
I'll bump into the wall, and down the stairs I'll fall,
'Cause my eyes they're both nothing but iris.

Oooooooooooh, and it makes me sweat more.
Ooooooooooh, it makes me sweat more.

There's a feeling I get, as my eyes fill with sweat,
like the stinging of thousands of hornets.
And I stick to the seat of my car from this heat,
Like I'm glued by some resin from Saturn.

Oooooooh, and it makes me sweat more.
Oooooooh, and it makes me sweat more.

And I think that we fell, and landed in hell,
'Cause I know that my insides are melting.
But a new day will dawn, over my burned up lawn.
With no water we'll just have to drink dust.

Ooooh, it makes me sweat more.
Oooh, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.


If you see fire raining down soon, don't be alarmed now.
'Til you see "EVACUATE" posted.
Don't leave the windows of your car up, or it will erupt.
And your own rear end will be toasted.

Oooh, and it makes me sweat more.
Ooooh, ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh.

Your sweat's precipitating on you, leaving a white dust.
No you're not hallucinating.
Because the water level's so low, babe did you know?
It will be 4 years till you'll have to mow.

And as I drive on down the road.
Cursing that A/C that I sold.
I nearly faint as I am told
never again will it be cold.
The air is heavier than gold
so that I'm wheezing like I'm old.
The heat index is 2-0-4,
We need to go bathe in Crisco.
And we'll all be ready- to explode.

And she's frying an egg on my sidewalk."


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