Tuesday, September 20, 2005

I May Have Missed Pirate Day, But I WON'T Miss These Days


So I find out from Engadget that yesterday was International Talk Like A Pirate Day. And I completely missed it. Which is devastating, because there's nothing funnier than a pirate and his way with words.

I vowed to never let such a thing happen again. So I quickly perused the calendar and jotted down these "Notes to Self" so I won't miss these upcoming "Talk Like A..." days.


October 7, 2005: International Talk Like James Brown Day

(Scene: A typical Washington DC home)
Laura Bush: "I'm ready for the state dinner, are you?"
George Bush (twisting and jerking): "HUH! I FEEL GOOD!"
Mrs. Bush: "What?"
Mr. Bush (gyrating): "HEY BABY- PAPA'S GOT A BRAND NEW BAG! WHOA! YEAH!"





October 15, 2005: National Talk Like Bill Clinton Day

To participate, simply insert your favorite verb or phrase in to the following line:
I did not (INSERT VERB HERE) with that woman, Miss Lewinsky!


Example-
Wife: "Honey, did you do the dishes?"
Husband: "No, I did not do the dishes with that woman, Miss Lewinsky!"


November 3, 2005: International Talk Like Sponge Bob Day

(Scene: angry boss's office)
Angry Boss: "I told you I needed this report by today, and you don't have it done!"
Employee (in best Sponge Bob voice): "Well, I guess I ripped my pants again!"



November 8, 2005: International Talk Like Jack Buck Day

(Scene: any neighborhood, USA)
Wife: "Did you finally get the garbage taken out?"
Husband: "Yeah, I got it out just in time."

Wife: "GO CRAZY, FOLKS, GO CRAZY! UNBELIEVABLE! I DON'T BELIEVE...WHAT I JUST SAW! IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?"



December 22, 2005: National Talk Like Jerry Seinfeld Day (Canada Only)

(Scene: neighborhood gas station)
Gas Station Attendant: "Just gas for you today, sir, ay?"
Customer (in whiny, pressured speech): "Why do they call it gas? It's not a gas, it's a liquid. Why do they call it that? Instead of gasoline, they should call it liquidoline."




January 15, 2006: International Talk Like Michael Waltrip Day

(Scene: boss's office)
Boss: "Is this the best you could do?"
Employee: "For a "cat" like me? You bet!"




March 11, 2006: International Talk Like Macho Man Randy Savage Day

(Scene: monthly office meeting)
Boss: "Okay, moving on, let's hear how the new project is coming."
Employee (in gravelly Randy Savage voice): "Well, you know Mean Gene- OOOOOOOOH, YEAH!"
Boss (looking around, bewildered and yet miffed): "Who the heck's Mean Gene? I told everyone, no new hires!"
Employee: "SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM! OOOHHH YEAH!"



April 10, 2006: National Talk Like JJ Day

(Scene: a lunchtime telphone conversation)
Father: "Better hurry up and cut the lawn before it rains."
Son: "Don't worry, pop, your lawn will be out of sight...'cause you left it in the hands of 'Kid Dyn-o-Mite!'"


April 18, 2006: National Talk Like Herman Munster Day

(Scene: TV news studio)
Weathergirl: "Well, it looks this heat wave will continue at least through the weekend."
Anchorman (flapping hands like Herman): "Now, now, now, now, now...Lilly!"
Weathergirl: "Say what?!!"
Anchorman (roars loudly like a monster and then yells while jumping up and down): "DARN! DARN! DARN! DARN!"



April 28, 2006: International Talk Like Gollum Day

(Scene: New Busch Stadium, St. Louis)
Mike Shannon: "We must be quiet, Hobbits. Cardinals is getting our "Precious" for winnings World Serieses. Times for a nice, cold, frosty one."
Wayne: "Um...take it easy on the easy drinkin' Busch Light, Big Fella."

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