(Or, as Floyd R. Turbo would say, "This raises the question, kiss my chinstrap!")
Someone sat down and thought to themselves the following question:
How many colors can I get on one helmet, and how many different ways can I put them?
Let's see...we have a red, white, light blue, and a darker, navy-like blue. Or is it black? I can't tell. And the colors are everywhere on this helmet.
Seven stripes? In the middle of a helmet? Are you kidding me?
Which is why I love the old school helmet they brought out in weeks one and two. A simple white with a red stripe bordered with blue and a red buffalo. That's it. I love the buffalo decal. The gray cage does take away slightly from the overall helmet effect, but it is definitely out of the 1970s.
Retro helmet- +1
Modern helmet- -1
As discussed above, the modern color scheme belongs more on a Ukranian circus clown rather than an NFL player. Red, white, light blue, dark blue, and...is that gray? It's not simple, and it's not well matched. It's one saving grace? At least they didn't add yellow.
Overall- +0.5 (average of the two)
Again, we have to break this down way too much more than we should have to do. We've got home and away options in modern design, and a home option in the retro.
Wow. That's one ugly representative in this contest. A block of blue across the shoulders? A red lateral stripe from the armpit to the waist? The red border of the block? Huh? Pajamas- yes. NFL uniform- no.
Modern home: 0
Modern away: -2
Retro home: +1
Overall: -0.3. (average of above)
Again we have to go through 3 versions to get at the overall truth.
The modern home version below the waist and pictured above is ugly. Period. Pants with a dark blue base, lateral central bold red stripe bordered by white bordered by gray? This is cool- if you're on mushrooms. And the bright red long socks bring to mind only two words: Pippi Longstocking.
The modern away version above is different. At least there are only 3 colors. But the directions of the stripes all seem to clash. I call this "directional clashivity." Notice the vertical red stripe with blue border of the pants abruptly ending in a solid red block at the top of the sock, followed by a thin horizontal blue stripe, followed by a block of white, and ending in the diagonal stripedness of the shoes.
The retro version rocks. A shiny white pant sporting a racy looking thin blue stripe with red border. Then there is a thin block of light blue sock matching the stripe, with a solid white stretching to black shoes. I've always been partial to black shoes on a football uniform. And if you want that real retro look, you gotta have the black shoes.
Modern home- -2.
Modern away- -1.
Overall: -0.3 (average of above)
The modern home version has the overall effect of Hurricane Rita on Gulf oil rigs- a disaster.
The modern away version reminds me of the flannel pajamas I used to get as a Christmas present from my grandma every year. Good for sleeping, bad for football.
Modern home- -2
Modern away- -2
Overall- -1 (average).
I love the retro uniform. Why they ever went away from it is beyond me. Still I give them a bonus point for having the sense to break it out again this year.
Historical factor score: +1
Helmet design- 0
Color scheme- +0.5
Leg wear- -0.3
Overall effect- -1
Historical factor- +1