Monday, February 26, 2007

On The Cutting Room Floor

I'm not so interested in what this Discovery Channel documentary purports to "prove" about finding the tomb of some Hebrew guy named Jesus. We all know the Jesus, the Son of God, rose from the dead.

But I'm more interested in what James Cameron left out of his documentary. I must say, learning more about this other dude named Jesus, who wasn't resurrected, might be fun.

Therefore, a team of crack reporters from Scottius Maximus Enterprises' division of journalism was dispatched to the Holy Land yesterday. And they've produced a list of some other astonishing facts that were "discovered" at the archaeological site in question. Unfortunately, these did not make the final cut of Cameron's documentary.

Maybe Cameron can put them in another documentary down the road.

The other "facts" he has discovered:
- Evidence that Barney Fife was a direct descendant of this particular Jesus and Mary.
- Evidence that Cameron's so-called "holy family" liked to pass the time playing Bingo and a card game similar to modern day Pinochle.
- Evidence that a family friend, Barrychus Bar-Bonds, was accused of using steroids to set single season fishing records.
- Evidence this family was a big fan of a popular 1st Century Palestine theatrical production called, "The Life Of Brian".
- Evidence these people frequented a fledgling beverage franchise called Starbricks, and liked to order "coffee" made from steamed goat's milk, olive oil, locks, and locust "squishings".
- Evidence this family was concerned about something called 'Holy Land warming', causing them to abandon driving large camels and to commute about on skinny, sway-backed jackalopes.
- Evidence Cameron's Jesus was the author of a best-selling scroll, "Purpose Driven Sacrificing- 40 Days Of Purpose At The Temple Mount."

I have a question...why doesn't Hollywood and the main stream media spend as much time researching why Mary Jo Kopechne was never raised alive from the bottom of a pond as they do trying to prove the Son of God was married and never raised from the dead?

2 comments:

Barb the Evil Genius said...

The best comment I've seen on this subject was concerning the "DNA testing" done on this group of corpses. Someone quipped, "Are they going to compare against DNA from a consecrated host?"

Scottius Maximus said...

Barb!

The DNA testing was the funniest thing about this whole publicity grab.

Don't tell Quipper that someone else quipped.