Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Random Thoughts

- Are there any hymns that include the mighty words "ahoy" or "avast"? If there are, they are now my all-time favorite hymns.

- Speaking of hymns, what causes people to look up when they finish the last line of a stanza? Check it out the next time when you're in church. At least 50% of the people lift their heads and look around at that moment before looking down to start the next stanza. When you see it, try not to crack up.

- I like to recite and sing the liturgy from memory while looking toward the altar, without looking at the book/bulletin.


- I defy you to find a black guy named Robin.

- I defy you to find a sadder sports story than this- my grandmother lived a strong 95 1/2 years. But as a Cubs fan, she never saw her team win it all. She was born 4 months after their last title in 1908 and lived the rest of her long life rooting for something that was never going to happen. I hate the Cubs, but I did feel bad for her when they imploded (yet again) in 2003, less than a year before she died. So close, and yet, so far.

- "When it rains, it pours" is not an accurate statement. "When it pours, it rains" is 100% truthful. So stop using the former and just use the latter.

- How come we refer to the book of Acts instead of the book of The Acts?

- The whole Bible could be renamed, actually, based on different 'acts'. Genesis could be Act 1, Exodus Act 2, etc..., all the way to Act 66.

- If men had their way, we would have no stores called "Bath and Body Works". It'd just be "The Soap Store" or some other generic thing. No "Old Navy" or "The Gap". Just "Clothes Store 1 and Clothes Store 2." The one exception to this rule would be "Victoria's Secret". I think men did name that one.

- Something I believe to be true in the music world- if someone is a big fan of Led Zeppelin, they're not so big a fan of the Who. And vice-versa. I don't have an explanation for this phenomenon. It's not that the fans of one group don't like the other band. I think it's that they are devotees of their particular brand of rock and roll. Therefore, with all there is to explore in their favorites' music portfolio, they don't have the time to devote to becoming a fanatic of the other group.

- I might have used this illustration before, I don't remember, but here's proof of creation rather than evolution. Ready? It's the eyebrow. They eyes are located recessed under not only a skeletal protective canopy, but there is even a patch of hair on it which successfully keeps sweat and shampoo from the scalp out of the eye. What possible evolutionary advantage could the eyebrow have? Keeping sweat and shampoo out of the eye really doesn't give a natural selection type survival advantage, in my humble opinion. It's just a nice comfort option to have to keep shampoo out of the eye. Eyebrows also keep us from looking like monsters.

- When I fold the socks that have come out of the dryer, I try my best to match them up with the right partner. Then I think to myself, do the socks know if I'm doing it right? What if I have four socks of the same color and make, and I mix up the two that originally came together and give them each a new partner, otherwise identical to the original. Can they tell if I've made a switch? Is this sock adultery?

- And what about the socks "Left Behind"? By that I mean the socks that never made it out of the drawer to get in this load of laundry. Do the socks that made it out look down on these other socks? Do they laugh at those left behind, the ones who rarely get picked? Is there conflict in the drawer? Is there shuffling going on once the drawer is shut, trying to get to the top in order to be chosen? Isn't life full of wonder?

- Why is it, with all the pecking and stabbing that bird's do with their beaks, that you never hear a bird sneezing? Robins stick their noses in the dirt and mud all the time, hummingbirds dip their schnozzes in nectar, chickens peck the ground for food in dust and dirt. And yet I defy you to tell me you've heard one sneeze.

- I don't know if they've invented it yet, but I'd like to see a button invented that looks like a doorbell, only when you push it, instead of chimes, it lets out a blood-curdling scream.

- For many words in our language, putting an 'a' at the beginning of a word usually makes it mean the opposite of the root word. For instance 'acellular' means the opposite of 'cellular', 'agenesis' means the opposite of 'genesis'. So how come we say 'asleep' when we are sleeping and 'awake' when we are waking?

- Something I pondered while picking out cards recently. There are a lot of cards that start 'For My Wife'. Since divorce rates are so high, how come there are no cards that say 'For My First Wife' or 'For My Second Wife'? You'd think Hallmark would recognize the potential market here.

- How come air conditioners and furnaces that work more efficiently cost more money? The opposite should be true, shouldn't it? Why pay more for something that is going to provide less work? Does anyone else see the logical problem here? Pretty soon some poor sap is going to go in to buy an air conditioner and get stuck with one for $20,000. "That's our most expensive model- it doesn't work at all."

- Only one explanation- efficient furnaces and air conditioners must have unions. More money for less work.

4 comments:

Barb the Evil Genius said...

Don't most lifelong Lutherans know most of the liturgy by memory anyway? :)

Scottius Maximus said...

Barb!

I'm blessed to get through the Lord's Prayer without help.

lutheranlucy said...

As you probably have observed honey, I am one of the 50% crowd who lifts her head at the end of the stanza. And even though I do say the liturgy (or sing it)by heart, my mind can unfortunately wonder at times. I really have to pray about it at times. Of course, you probably are not at all surprised by my distractions, right? :)

Scottius Maximus said...

Luce!

Mind wander? Whatever do you mean? Next thing you know you'll be laughing during...never mind...