World Mag's Blog links to the annual contest at San Jose State University that I hope to win some day. It's prize is awarded to the person who comes up with the worst possible opening line for a novel.
This is something I could do. I write bad. It's my badge of honor.
This year's winner:
"Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee."
Check out the rest here.
Here's my favorite:
"Danny, the little Grizzly cub, frolicked in the tall grass on this sunny Spring morning, his mother keeping a watchful eye as she chewed on a piece of a hiker they had encountered the day before."