Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I Was Doing My Best To Avoid This Guy

But today's circumstances make that impossible.

We all know Michael Phelps doesn't need more publicity. He is a hot commodity right now, so I'm trying to avoid all things Michael Phelps to avoid being a pathetic bandwagoner.

But then, today, I saw this, and all that changed.

He's now my hero for life!

There are few things in life better than a bowl of Frosted Flakes- the single greatest cereal of all time! And now, our boy is going to be doing a little endorsing for said frosted flakes of corn.


"Olympic legend Michael Phelps will appear on boxes of the Kellogg's brand sugar cereal, drawing sharp criticism from health experts worried about the message he'll be sending to children across America."


Worried about the message? The message is simple- eat Frosted Flakes and you'll turn out just fine. What more could a kid ask for? In the kid universe, there's a party going on right now of epic proportions.


"I would not consider Frosted Flakes the food of an Olympian."


Me either. I consider Frosted Flakes the food not just of mere Olympians, but of the the single greatest Olympian of all time!


"I would rather see him promoting Fiber One. I would rather see him promoting oatmeal. I would even rather see him promoting
Cheerios."

That's sissy food. Nope, only Frosted Flakes for the greatest Olympic champion ever.

Nobody eats that other stuff. Everyone eats Frosted Flakes. They just won't admit it.

"
The announcement yesterday that Phelps, 23, winner of a record eight gold medals at the Beijing Olympics, would grace Frosted Flakes and Corn Flakes boxes instead of the traditional athlete's choice of Wheaties left many perplexed."

Perplexed? Why perplexed? I'm not. Just listen to the tiger- they're grrreat!

What's puzzling to me is why anybody would eat Wheaties, not Frosted Flakes. That cardboard stuff made baseball card bubblegum taste good.

Besides, Frosted Flakes is obviously better for you. How many people who eat Wheaties have won 14 Olympic gold medals? Let's see...I know- NONE.

"Frosted Flakes has three times the amount of sugar as Wheaties and 1/3rd the fiber."


Yeah, tell us something we don't know. Why do you think it tastes so good? Duh?

Why do you think Michael has so much energy? Double duh?

And let me tell you something else. There's no way a guy who spends all day in the pool is going to eat something with a lot of fiber. If you get my point. One third the fiber sounds about right.

Keep eating those Frosted Flakes, Michael. Look where it's gotten you.

I'm now officially on board- Michael Phelps- greatest athlete ever!

4 comments:

Dan @ Necessary Roughness said...

I want to see Michael Phelps feed Tony his Frosted Flakes and have Tony suddenly swim laps in the pool like Phelps does. :)

Scottius Maximus said...

Dan@NR!

Now you're talking! I'd like to see that, and then have them race each other after pounding a few bowls down.

Phelps against Tony kind of reminds me of the Super Fans contemplating Ditka against a hurricane- especially if the hurricane was named "Ditka". The universe might explode.

Barb the Evil Genius said...

There's another piece on how Phelps has offended the food police here. Frankly, with the things he's done I don't see how anybody can tell him he's doing it wrong.

Scottius Maximus said...

Barb!

I didn't even think of that angle. The "Hey Michael, you're doing it wrong. Please follow our diet and start all over" crowd show themselves as pretty lame.

Crazy world.