Thursday, August 07, 2008

Send Your Thanks Via E-mail



I'm about to save you a huge amount of time.

Now that Brett Favre has been traded to the Jets, the media circus is only going to intensify, not let up. Because he is now in the media capital of the world instead of little ol' Green Bay.

So that you don't waste the next six months of your life watching ESPN regurgitate every moment, just read the following and turn that network off.

Here's the next six months in approximately sixty seconds (depending on your reading abilities):

1) Brett Favre's plane lands in New York. There are camera crews to show him de-boarding.
2) Brett Favre holds a news conference telling everyone he's glad to be in New York and that he only wants to play football. He gets in a few subtle digs at the Green Bay Packers' management.
3) When asked about their reaction, the Packers wish Brett "well", but are glad to be "moving on".
4) Brett Favre shows up at Jets' training camp. His new teammates say in interviews they are glad to have him as a teammate.
5) Brett Favre plays a few exhibition games with the Jets. Media speculates about whether Brett is learning and adjusting to his new coaches and offensive schemes.
6) Brett Favre throws his first TD of the season. Media speculates whether Green Bay should have gotten rid of him. Bad move, Packers.
7) Aaron Rodgers throws first interception of the season. Media speculates again whether Green Bay should have gotten rid of Favre. Bad move, Packers.
8) Brett Favre throws first interception. Media speculates whether Jets should have given up so much for him. And that he is 38 years old. Bad move, Jets.
9) Aaron Rodgers throws first TD. Media speculates whether he can "fill Favre's shoes." Green Bay knew what they were doing.
10) The last four scenarios play themselves out continuously the rest of the season.
11) If someone goes down injured, media will swoop in to lambaste that team for entrusting their season to said QB.
12) Sometime before Thanksgiving, sources close to either Brett Favre or the Jets will speculate that this is Favre's last season.
13) Several times after Thanksgiving, sources close to either Brett Favre or the Jets will speculate that this is Favre's last season.
14) Favre will be asked whether this is his last season.
15) Season will definitely end with neither the Packers or Jets making the Super Bowl.
16) Media will begin Brett Favre Watch, as to whether Brett Favre is going to retire.
17) Brett Favre will issue statement at end of season regarding whether he will play another year.
18) No one will believe him.
19) Speculation will begin about whether Favre will really return or not.
20) Steps 1-19 will repeat themselves for the 2009 season.

There. No need to watch Sports Center. No need to listen to talk radio. No need to watch Jim Rome, Around the Horn or PTI.

As time goes on, if you ever start to wonder what's going on, just come back to this post. It's all right here.

Now, go enjoy the lifetime I have saved you.

2 comments:

Barb the Evil Genius said...

Well, the Cleveland media had coverage of him getting off the plane tonight for the exhibition game between the Browns and the Jets. Mr. EG and I bow to your superior wisdom.

Scottius Maximus said...

Barb!

How sad that you had to be subjected to this nonsense first-hand. My wisdom, by the way, is quite inferior to any evil genius.