Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Beneath The Planet Of The Ex-Cardinals

The sequel to The Planet of the Ex-Cardinals, coming out for Independence Day weekend.

Starring:

Tony Womack, Yankees
G- 67, AB- 247, R- 31, H- 59, 2B- 4, 3B- 1, HR- 0, RBI- 11, TB- 65, BB- 11, SO- 38, SB- 18, CS- 3, OBP- .317, SLG- .263, AVG- .239, OPS- .580


Edgar Renteria, Red Sox
G- 70, AB- 286, R- 42, H- 78, 2B- 13, 3B- 3, HR- 6, RBI- 29, TB- 115, BB- 20, SO- 40, SB-6, CS- 0, OBP- .322, SLG- .402, AVG- .273, OPS- .724


Woody Williams, Padres
W- 3, L- 5, ERA- 4.24, G-11, GS- 11, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 0, IP- 68.0, H- 71, R- 32 ER- 32, HR- 8, BB- 17, SO- 41


Steve Kline, Orioles
W- 2, L- 3, ERA- 5.08, G- 37, GS- 0, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 2, IP- 28.1, H- 28, R- 18, ER- 16, HR- 5, BB- 17, SO- 23


Mike Matheny, Giants
G- 60, AB- 195, R- 22, H- 47, 2B- 15, 3B- 0, HR- 8, RBI- 34, TB- 86, BB- 16, SO- 34, SB- 0, CS- 1, OBP- .306, SLG- .441, AVG- .241, OPS- .747


Danny Haren, A's
W- 6, L- 7, ERA- 3.89, G- 16, GS- 16, CG- 2, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 0, IP- 104.0, H- 95, R- 54, ER- 45, HR- 10, BB- 32, SO- 78


Kiko Calero, A's
W- 2, L- 0, ERA- 6.06, G- 18, GS- 0, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 1, SVO- 1, IP- 16.1, H- 20, R- 11, ER- 11, HR-3, BB- 5, SO- 17


Marlon Anderson, Mets
G- 56, AB- 91, R- 11, H- 26, 2B- 3, 3B- 0, HR- 1, RBI- 3, TB- 32, BB-6, SO- 14, SB- 2, CS- 1, OBP- .337, SLG- .352, AVG- .286, OPS- .689

Again from my critic's chair, here's my review of the "plot" of our "sequel":
1. A definite plot twist has developed in the catching department. I no longer miss Mr. Matheny, despite his hitting for more power this year. But let's face it- the Cards really don't need someone with more power. And, as I have asked before, has anyone ever seen a catcher pick off runners like the young Molina? (Now a thumbs up for the Cards).
2. I still miss Marlon Anderson, however. I'd love to have him available to pinch hit. (Still a thumbs down for the Cardinals).
3. The duo of Haren and Calero have made up for a slow start, whereas "Fox" Mulder decided to go skiing down the side of Mt. Meltdown. (Thumbs down for the Cards).
4. I love "Albert" Eckstein, and I'm still glad Renteria is gone. He got hot for awhile this month, but, still, look at those numbers. Theo paid him how much? (Thumbs up for the Cards).
5. Womack has come back down to earth after a little more than a season in orbit for him. He has only 3 more steals the past month, after having 15 the first two months. Let's see, who would I rather have in left field: Sanders or Womack? (Thumbs up for the Cards).
6. Woody Williams has been pitching better than Mulder the past month. But few haven't.(Thumbs down for the Cards).
7. I'd still rather have Randy Flores than Steve Kline, even though he's on the DL. (Thumbs up for the Cards).

So, it looks like four thumbs up and three thumbs down for this film, a net gain of only one thumb.

I definitely liked the first version better. The sequel, while not a bad movie, is disappointing. AND COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH BETTER.


Stay tuned because I smell another sequel, coming to a theater near you in a few weeks..."Escape From The Planet Of The Ex-Cardinals." Let's hope it is better than this.

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