"The Planet Of The Ex-Cardinals"

New movie coming out for Memorial Day weekend, starring:

Tony Womack, Yankees
G- 42, AB- 163, R- 25, H- 45, 2B- 4, 3B- 1, HR- 0, RBI- 9, TB- 51, BB- 10, SO- 26, SB- 15, CS- 2, OBP- .322, SLG- .313, AVG- .276, OPS- .635


Edgar Renteria, Red Sox
G- 40, AB- 163, R- 22, H- 40, 2B- 7, 3B- 2, HR- 2, RBI- 14, TB- 57, BB- 12, SO- 24, SB-2, CS- 0, OBP- .297, SLG- .350, AVG- .245, OPS- .647


Woody Williams, Padres
W- 2, L- 2, ERA- 4.84, G-6, GS- 6, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 0, IP- 35.1, H- 42, R- 19 ER- 19, HR- 4, BB- 14, SO- 27


Steve Kline, Orioles
W- 2, L- 2, ERA- 5.63, G- 20, GS- 0, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 1, IP- 16.0, H- 17, R- 12, ER- 10, HR- 4, BB- 11, SO- 17


Mike Matheny, Giants
G- 36, AB- 123, R- 13, H- 31, 2B- 9, 3B- 0, HR- 5, RBI- 22, TB- 55, BB- 10, SO- 24, SB- 0, CS- 1, OBP- .314, SLG- .447, AVG- .252, OPS- .761


Danny Haren, A's
W- 1, L- 6, ERA- 5.19, G- 9, GS- 9, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 0, IP- 50.1, H- 58, R- 38, ER- 29, HR- 6, BB- 27, SO- 42


Kiko Calero, A's
W- 2, L- 0, ERA- 8.68, G- 10, GS- 0, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 1, SVO- 1, IP- 9.1, H- 13, R- 9, ER- 9, HR-3, BB- 4, SO- 12


Marlon Anderson, Mets
G- 36, AB- 39, R- 6, H- 13, 2B- 2, 3B- 0, HR- 0, RBI- 1, TB- 15, BB-4, SO- 5, SB- 0, CS- 0, OBP- .409, SLG- .385, AVG- .333, OPS- .794

From my critic's chair, here's my review of the "plot" so far in 2005:
1. I'd still love to have Anderson and Matheny on the team (thumbs down for the Cards).
2. I'm glad to have Mulder rather than Haren and Calero (thumbs up for the Cards).
3. I'm glad Renteria is gone (thumbs up for the Cards).
4. Boston "gave" Renteria way too much money (thumbs up for the Cards).
5. I'd love to have Womack's steals. The Cards aren't running enough, but I guess they don't have the speed they did. (?) (Thumbs down for the Cards).
6. Woody Williams on the DL? Nooooo. It COULDN'T be, could it?! (Thumbs up for the Cards).
7. I'd rather have Gabe White and Randy Flores than Steve Kline. (Two thumbs up for the Cards).

So, it looks like six thumbs up and two thumbs down for this film, a net gain of four thumbs. (Huh? Well, you know what, I mean. I hope.)

Stay tuned for the sequel, coming to a theater near you in a few weeks..."Beneath The Planet Of The Ex-Cardinals."