Monday, August 15, 2005

Fighting Marvins? I Can Do Better Than This


The emblems of the Florida State Seminoles and Illinois Fighting Illini.


So, the Indian activists are at it again. Trying to get rid of sports nicknames with any Indian derivation.


Does anyone really think this is about disrespecting Indians? Isn't it an honorable thing that someone would want to name something beloved after you? Of course. But that's not what this is really about. We all know it's really about what a lot of things are: POWER.


People wanting to exert their power and influence over others. And from the looks of things, they are going to get away with it...if not now, then probably within a generation.


Look, I have no problem getting rid of Redskins. That's a bit out there. And as for the town in my state whose high school was for years nicknamed the "Chinks", I can get with banning that name too. But these people act like they are the only ethnic groups that have sports teams named after them. Granted, there are probably more Indian or Indian-sounding names than any other ethnic group. But why do they care? It should be an honorable thing.


No one goes around complaining about the Fighting Irish. And please don't tell me the Irish have not endured their share of hardship. No one bats an eye at the Vikings being a team name. No one objects to Cowboys. No one dislikes calling someone a Trojan, Spartan, Nimrod, Yankee, Rebel, Senator, Ranger, Padre, Celtic, Pirate, Buccaneer, Cornhusker, Sooner, Volunteer, Hoosier, Cavalier, or any other such team name. (I almost put Crusader and Minuteman, but, of course these are not politically correct).


You see, these people are all part of our history. As are Indians. That's all there is to it. This is not some vast racist-wing conspiracy.


You just know if it were the other way around, the Indian activists would complain because teams would only be named after white people. And it's because this is not about nicknames. It's about one little group trying to exert whatever influence and power it has over another group.


If it weren't for the fact a lot of Native Americans have no problem with being bestowed the honor of a university or professional sports team's naming their beloved organization after them, then I'd say, let them do it. I'd say let's pull away every last vestige of Indian speak from our universities and professional leagues.


Because I'm ready for it. Bring it on. I have dozens of team names ready (The Fighting Marvins not included- or the Berserkers).


Try these non-politically correct nicknames on for size, Florida State University and University of Illinois:

Kilted Highlanders

Hammerin' Lutherans

Golden Dwarves

The Adrenal Tide

Fighting Pizza Delivery Guys

Red Gonads

Demon Diabetics

Blue Calvinists

Orange Jockeys

Raging Right Wingers

Bearded WASPs

Bronze Eunuchs

Crazed Bigamists

Silver Gluttons

Splashin' Baptists

Purple Pilgrims

Repentant Polish

Flying Ozzys


And, of course, my favorite, the Scottish Maximi!

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