Saturday, August 20, 2005

Shut Him Down, Please

All of us survivors of the 2004 World Series are begging the Cardinals to shut this guy down.

That is not Scott Rolen, it is his arch-enemy, Ttocs Nelor, of the Bizarro World Cardinals, The Slanidracs. In Bizarro World Baseball, a hitter's success is measured in strike outs, GIDPs, and off-base percentage, while a pitcher's success is measured in home runs given up and runs allowed. By the way, on a related note, I think Matt Morris and his beard may have suffered the same fate, as it appears Ttam Sirrom has returned to pitch the last month.

I'm sure most Cardinals fans realize the real Scott Rolen must have been hit in the head and kidnapped sometime after Game 7 of the NLCS and before Game 1 of the World Series, being replaced by Nelor. There is no way else to explain the transformation of our 3rd baseman.


And this fellow has continued his imposterization this year. The numbers don't lie:

2005 Ttocs Nelor

G-56, AB- 196, R- 28, H- 46, 2B- 12, 3B- 1, HR- 5, RBI- 28, TB- 75, BB- 25, SO- 28, SB- 1, CS- 2, OBP- .323, SLG- .383, BA- .235

2004 Scott Rolen

G-142, AB- 500, R- 109, H- 157, 2B- 32, 3B- 4, HR- 34, RBI- 124, TB- 299, BB- 72, SO- 92, SB- 4, CS- 3, OBP- .409, SLG- .598, BA- .314


So whoever this fella is who needs shoulder surgery, don't let him come back. Make him have the surgery so we don't have to witness him in the post-season.


Nunez is now the man. Go, Abey Baby.

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