Saturday, September 03, 2005

Conquest Of The Planet Of The Ex-Cardinals

Poised to break box office records, here is the fourth installment of my creation:

Starring:

Tony Womack, Yankees
G- 100, AB- 325, R- 46, H- 80, 2B- 8, 3B- 1, HR- 0, RBI- 15, TB- 90, BB- 12, SO- 49, SB- 26, CS- 5, OBP- .274, SLG- .277, AVG- .246, OPS- .551


Edgar Renteria, Red Sox
G- 126, AB- 514, R- 83, H- 147, 2B- 30, 3B- 3, HR- 7, RBI- 56, TB- 204, BB- 47, SO- 81, SB-9, CS- 4, OBP- .347, SLG- .397, AVG- .286, OPS- .744


Woody Williams, Padres
W- 6, L- 11, ERA- 5.01, G-22, GS- 22, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 0, IP- 129.1, H- 141, R- 77 ER- 72, HR- 21, BB- 39, SO- 86


Steve Kline, Orioles
W- 2, L- 4, ERA- 4.37, G- 59, GS- 0, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 3, IP- 55.2, H- 54, R- 31, ER-27, HR- 11, BB- 28, SO- 33


Mike Matheny, Giants
G- 108, AB- 362, R- 39, H- 91, 2B- 30, 3B- 0, HR- 11, RBI- 49, TB- 154, BB- 25, SO- 68, SB- 0, CS- 2, OBP- .307, SLG- .425, AVG- .251, OPS- .732


Danny Haren, A's
W- 12, L- 10, ERA- 3.86, G- 29, GS- 29, CG- 3, SHO- 0, SV- 0, SVO- 0, IP- 186.2, H- 183, R- 91, ER- 80, HR- 23, BB- 48, SO- 137


Kiko Calero, A's
W- 4, L- 1, ERA- 3.45, G- 45, GS- 0, CG- 0, SHO- 0, SV- 1, SVO- 2, IP- 44.1, H- 41, R- 17, ER- 17, HR-5, BB- 12, SO- 40


Marlon Anderson, Mets
G- 101, AB- 194, R- 23, H- 51, 2B- 8, 3B- 0, HR- 3, RBI- 13, TB- 68, BB-16, SO- 32, SB- 6, CS- 1, OBP- .319, SLG- .351, AVG- .263, OPS- .670

From high atop my critic's chair, here's my review of the "plot" of our latest episode:
1. I was all set to give Yadi the catching knod over Matheny, but I realized he has hardly played the past month due to injury. And we had to be subjected to Mahoney. (A thumbs down for the Cardinals here).
2. I am getting over Marlon Anderson. He didn't have a good month. (A thumbs up for the Cardinals).
3. Haren and Calero vs. Mulder is still a tough call at this point in the season. But I have to go with having two good pitchers instead of just one. Ultimately Mulder may win out on the basis of his left-handedness in the post-season. We'll see. Still, I just hope we haven't ended up getting "Bartoned". (Thumbs down for the Cards).
4. I still love the great "Albert" Eckstein, and I'm still glad Edgar Renteria is gone. Renteria is perceived to have had a down year, yet his numbers are very close to his career averages. And nine stolen bases? Who would have thought Albert Pujols would have more? I'm going to say it again: Edgar is WAY overpaid. (Thumbs up for the Cards).
5. Tony Womack will have to go all Bizarro Womack and get a hit in his next 75 at bats for me to change my mind that the Cardinals did well not to re-sign him. His OBP is anemic, and his SO rate is horrible. (Thumbs up for the Cards).
6. Woody Williams has had a bad month. He gave up seven home runs. Yikes! He continues to have overall worse numbers than even Jason Marquis, although it's pretty close. Jocketty is a genius and should win executive of the year. (Thumbs up for the Cards).
7. Steve Kline- Still no saves and 3 more home runs given up. (Thumbs up for the Cards).

So, it looks like five thumbs up and two thumbs down for this film, a net gain of three thumbs.

From the Cardinals standpoint, this is by far our best installment in the franchise.

Well, how will it all end? In another month we'll be wrapping this all up. The series will reach its exicting conclusion, Battle For The Planet Of The Ex-Cardinals. I'm sure the excitement will keep people from sleeping for days.

Until next time, I'll see you...at the movies.

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