For the multitudes worrying about what to get me for Christmas, fret no more. Help is on the way. Here's a sampling. Remember, send packages by Pony Express to Scottius Maximus, c/o the Boody, IL, Post Office, and wrapped in shrink wrap and ribbon.
And for those cheapos who'll only send me a card, just remember...I'm keeping score.
1.Laser guided pool cue- Because I couldn't shoot straight if the table had rails.
2. USB Christmas Tree- Since I'm spending way too much time at the computer, this will make the season more Christmasesque. (And I won't have to ever move once I get a commode to replace my current computer desk chair).
3. Pong Wall Clock- The greatest video game ever, to hang on my wall and keep time. Yessss!
4. An assortment of satellite dishes- I want desperately for this to be MY porch. Because 4,999 channels are not enough.
5. The Fake Beer Belly- Because I'm nostalgic for the time I had to wear the Sympathy Belly, I want to know what it feels like to be a total slob. Why couldn't the Sympathy Belly be filled with beer like this sucker? It would have made for a less humiliatin' experience.