Friday, August 03, 2007

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS, YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!

I know one thing, I'm watching this "sport" from now on when it comes on TV! Thanks to Jim Rome's radio show, without whom I wouldn't even know this existed.


That was awesome!

Take a bow Jake Brown!

There's nothing like hurtling down ramps at incredibly high speeds and then launching oneself into orbit. I'll never forget the first time I did that. Only he forgot the landing part. Which is really the most important part of the whole "launching oneself" schtick.

And what's with all the leg pumping motion once he loses the skateboard? Does he think he can pedal his way through the air like he's on some invisible air bike. It's like something out of The Flintstones or some other Hanna-Barbera cartoon. They need to insert that fast paced rattling noise that accompanies cartoons when a character goes over a cliff and ratchets his legs before falling.

Yeah, they need to put that into the soundtrack of this clip. Dude, try flapping your arms like they were wings next time. It might keep you in the air a hundredth of a second longer.

The only thing missing was the puff of smoke when he landed.

And I'd want a recall on those defective shoes. If I ever free-fall 50 feet, I want a pair of shoes that aren't going to explode off of me when I hit bottom. Are they supposed to do that? I don't think so. When I buy a pair of shoes, I believe it is implicit in the contract that my shoes stay on my feet until I take them off. I don't need them deserting me. Besides, they could have killed somebody. How does one explain that to the coroner?

The mid-air roll was pretty good. But did I detect a slumping of the shoulders at the end there, when he realized he might be going to the Lord? That "I'm screwed" moment should have cost him some style points.

And who were the dudes in the orange shirts who took their time getting to him afterwards? Our dude is layed out, and one of those guys is just kind of non-chalantly walking up to him, then stops and crouches about 8 feet away. Is he a referee? Is he counting him out, like in boxing?

Dig those announcers, too! Just what does the sentence "I've never seen anyone get slammed that hard" mean? Doesn't "get slammed" imply there is someone doing the slamming? What, did the earth come up and slam him? It seems to me that he slammed the earth, not the other way around!

And why were they more excited and fascinated by his shoes coming off than a guy falling 50 feet and living? Listen to the volume of the voices go up- not for him walking away, mind you, but for the shoes shooting off!

And another thing- our hero has just been violently "slammed", and one of those stoners utters, "Wow, I can't believe he just made a 720!" Yeah, dude, and he might be DEAD because of it. Did you happen to notice that? That's the equivalent of some dopehead saying, "Wow, I can't believe he just peeled out!" when JFK's driver sped away in Dallas.

By the way, it wasn't "sad". Sad is when an innocent bystander gets knocked off. This guy purposely put his body in danger. Stupid, yes. Sad, no.

They said Jake Brown is a warrior? Maybe. But he went and picked on the wrong element to fight with. 'Gravity' is a pretty tough cookie in my experience. So why don't you go pick a fight with more of a sure thing. I hear 'fire' is looking for some action.

And I love the "explanation" of what happened. His board went "squirrelly" on him. Gee, that's really insightful. Blame it on the equipment being "squirrelly". Next time Albert Pujols pops up with the bases loaded, I want to hear him tell reporters after the game that his bat went "squirrelly" on him.

But I gotta give it to you, my friend! You are one tough dude, and you are definitely my new favorite athlete!

2 comments:

Dan at Necessary Roughness said...

Yeah, I saw that on ESPN. Holy heck. He must have fallen 40 feet. Good thing he had his helmet on.

Scottius Maximus said...

Dan@NR!

At first I thought his helmet had come off also when he landed, but it was just his head bouncing.

I blame that 'Google Earth' view we were subjected to during almost this whole clip for leading me to think that.