Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Those Zany Russians Are At It Again!

I love the Russian scientific community. In their infinite quest to improve life on earth, they definitely are on the right track here. Forget curing cancer and other horrible diseases. Forget finding alternative fuel sources to lessen dependence on Middle Eastern oil. Forget improving transportation safety. Forget increasing crop yield in less than ideal soil conditions. Not when you are on the trail of the biggest scientific breakthrough of the 21st century- expanding the amount of time you can be lit up for as long as possible.

"Russian scientist" is now synonymous with the dreaded "mad" scientist of legend. Every picture in my mind that I ever had as a kid of the "mad" scientist is meeting its fulfillment in the "Russian" scientist. And maybe this isn't fair, but every issue of the Weekly World News seems to now include the words "Russian scientist" in one of the headlines. It's become a punch-line.

“'I’m not sure I’m going to market it in the U.S.A. I don’t want it to become a party drug. We are for responsible drinking,' Chiabery (the research lab co-founder) said."

Are you kidding me? Not going to market it here? Not wanting it to become a party drug? Like it has another purpose to exist. Then I guess you just wasted a few years of research, fella. Is this guy using his own product? Yeah, I am sure no one would use this as a party drug outside the USA. No sir, that would never happen. Maybe in a country with a high rate of substance abuse, like the USA, but not Russia. Everyone knows there are no boozehounds in Siberia.

And who can forget the past exploits of the Russian scientist. The Chernobyl nuclear power plant. Female Olympic athletes with 25 inch biceps and full beards. Ivan Drago.

Well, at least they are not content to rest on their laurels. Here's a toast to you, Russian scientist dudes. I am eagerly awaiting your next escapade.

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