Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Terrorists In The Bible

According to Bible prophecy "expert" Jack Van Impe, there were terrorists in the time of Noah. And the violence spoken of in Genesis was terrorism. This according to his latest broadcast, aired on my local channel on Sunday.

Van Impe is famous for reading things in to the Bible that aren't there. Like claiming that airplanes, cars, and atomic weapons are in the Bible also, along with the nations of Russia and China.

So, his latest figment (I love using these words) begs the question- why did the terrorists not take out the ark? I mean, think about it. If the pre-flood terrorists wanted to make a statement, why not destroy what had to be one of the largest man-made structures on earth at that time. In Van Impe's world, I am sure one of them could have found a primitive plane to fly into the ark. Or maybe strapped some explosives on their bodies and rode in to it on their camels.

And maybe they didn't succeed because Noah was really, secretly, the Director of Homeland Security in his civilization. Perhaps he foiled multiple attacks. Perhaps he was on orange alert when the skies opened up.

Or perhaps Noah had made previous ark-building attempts that were destroyed by the terrorists. Perhaps he negotiated with the terrorists to give them a few of his "dispensable" animals in order to prevent another strike and let him finish his task.

Or perhaps Van Impe is eating too many wild mushrooms.

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