Thursday, May 26, 2005

Top 10 Speeches We Will Never Hear But Should

World Magazine's Blog linked to a website that has the "Top 100" American Speeches of all time. Most of them are from a liberal slant. But what is interesting is what is missing. Here are the speeches that through history should have been made, or should be made now, but, for various reasons, we'll never hear. In no particular order, here are what could have been excerpts from those speeches:

1. The Kieschnick 2004 LCMS Convention Speech: "I'm sorry for endorsing syncretism, unionism, political back room dealing, changing this synod beyond recognition, and not being a theologian when I should be. And CFW Walther is my hero. I will from now on uphold the Lutheran Confessions. Lord, have mercy on me, a pitiful, helpless, and sinful man."

2. The Nixon Resignation Speech 1974: "Yeah, I did it. I knew all about Watergate. And if you all don't shut up about it, I've got a document in my pocket that'll put all of you in jail or Vietnam by noon."

3. The Clinton Speech 1998: "I DID have sexual relations with that woman. And that one. And that one. And that one. And, believe it or not, that ugly one over there. And the "Man From Hope" is hoping he'll have it with that one. WOO-HOO, YEE-HAW! You know, y'all are awful nosey. Now, let's talk about the economy."

4. Pete Rose Gambling Speech 1989: "I'd sell my soul to the devil for an inside tip on the 3rd race at Aqueduct. Of course I bet on baseball."

5. Mark McGwire 2005 Congressional Committee Speech: "I'm here today to talk about the past. I took performing enhancing drugs, and I'm sorry I did. Please forgive me. Kids, don't do what I did."

6. Michael Jackson 2005 Speech: "I have been convicted to confess that my lifestyle is all wrong. It IS wrong to sleep with little boys that are not your own children when you are a grown up. I am very sorry for all the confusion and pain I have caused. It is also wrong to turn into an ugly white woman when you started out as an attractive black man. Please accept my apologies. And, yes, one more thing...I have wasted my adult years living like a freak."

7. Ted Kennedy 1969 Chappaquiddick Speech Part 2: "Oh, who am I kidding? You can all see what really happened there. You're not blind, or the fools I have taken you for. My sins are many. Lord, have mercy on me. Now, I'll just go away and you'll never have to see me again."

8. Hillary Clinton 1992 60 Minutes Speech: "I lied. I AM just like Tammy Wynette. No matter what Bill does or will do, I will always stand by my man. How else could I hope to obtain the power I crave."

9. George Bush 1988 Republican Convention Nomination Acceptance Speech: "And when congress comes to me with a proposal to raise your taxes, here's what I'll tell them: 'Read my lips: no new taxes- has never been my motto.'"

10. Scottius Maximus 2005 Best Blog Ever Acceptance Speech: "I'd like to thank the academy and all the "little people" who made this possible. You know who you are, so I won't bother calling you by name. It's all about me, anyway. Always has been, always will be."

(Sorry about that last one. I couldn't resist.)

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