Saturday, September 10, 2005

And Now, A Message From The CEO

Those of us at Scottius Maximus Enterprises realize the importance you place on timely and abundant posts. Those of you whose lives revolve around this blog will be pleased with the following announcement.

Due to an unprecedented E-mail campaign (cue Superman theme song) of slightly less than 1000, Scottius Maximus Productions, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Scottius Maximus Enterprises, is proud to announce the return of NFL RUNWAY for the start of the 2005 NFL Season.

For the uninitiated, NFL RUNWAY is an ongoing series regarding the state of NFL team uniform fashion. Unfortunately, due to the close of the 2004 season before I could finish the series, I placed it on hiatus until the start of this season, which began on Thursday. So, grab a camera, fashion freaks, and be prepared to be awed, inspired...or to be a quivering mass of uncontrollable nausea. Whatever that means.

I post the following excerpt from last December to explain what we're going to be doing:

"So what is the best and worst the NFL has to offer? I will try to analyze this over the next few days to weeks. And how does one determine this? There many home and away versions for all teams. So, to break this down, let's look at the uniform in its component parts, then the overall effect, in both home and away versions which can then be averaged, factor in a miscellaneous historical score (if the uniform has evolved significantly over time), and come up with an overall rating for each team.

I will use the following scale:

-2= Gollum ugly

-1 = Simply unattractive

0 = Neutral/okay

1 = Attractive

2 = Sweet

Categories will be:

Helmet design
(-2 to 2 points)
Color Scheme (
-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
(-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Leg and Footwear
(-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Overall Effect
(-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Miscellaneous Historical Factor
(+/- any number of points)

Totals will be the sum of the above scores. Winner has the most points, loser the least.

Why do this? Well, why not? Besides, isn't this is the kind of crap for which Algore invented the internet?"

To catch us up to date quickly, I will re-post the Divisions already reviewed last year, and update them later this season. Or you can just click on the links below. This year we will begin with the AFC East in a few days.

NFC North- Bears, Lions, Vikings, Packers
NFC East- Giants, Eagles, Cowboys, Redskins
AFC Central- Bengals, Browns, Ravens, Steelers

This year promises, as all new seasons do, that some new and exciting things will be discovered. Like how many colors can you put on one uniform, or why exactly do sports teams go with orange as a team color?

It should be fun. And for those of you not NFL fans, it gives you a reason to tune in and watch.

As always, comments are welcome from all. Both the regulars and all you lurkers.

Thank you, and blessings.

Dr. Scottius Maximus

(And, please, pray with me that the NFL lawyers don't come after me for posting their logo and photos without permission. Gulp!)


  1. This is a post series a woman can look forward to! :)

  2. Yes, even if you're not a football fan. The football uni is the most interesting, although baseball has its own uniqueness. I think it's the helmet.