A Call For Nominations

This year we will continue the gloriously great "Scottius Maximus Family Christmas" tradition of picking the Worst Christmas Song Ever.

When the song is picked, feel free to print out the lyrics and join your family in the traditional Scottius Maximus custom. Gather your family around the tree in a circle and join hands, whereupon you will rapidly rotate the group counterclockwise as fast as you can around the tree while singing the selected song. It helps if you chug 3 cups of egg nog right before doing this. Whoever hurls first is declared "Grand Roi de Mauvaise Chanson" for the year. Then everyone exhanges socks.

From now until 12/18/2005 I will accept song nominations.

There are a few rules...

- The song must be ridiculous.
- The song must have reference to "Christmas" but have absolutely nothing to do with Christ or His birth.
- It must be a "real" song. That is to say, it must be published, copyrighted, or recorded. Limmericks and ribaldry are not acceptable.
- Lyrics must be provided to me so I can post them, i.e., I will not do your research.

Last year there were three nominees: "The Candy Kid", "Christmas On The Moon", and "Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas". The latter was the winner last year.

I am re-nominating them this year. Here they are, in all their lyrical splendor.

1) "Candy Kid" by Tony Romeo:
"Feelin' so depressed I wasn't up to getting dressed
it was a Saturday night so I decided against a party.
There was Christmas in the air and you could feel it ev'rywhere,
and it kinda brought me down cuz I felt I just wasn't ready.
I headed on down to the center of town
Where folks were shopping around
and all the colored lights were pretty.
And suddenly I could hear so loud and so clear
such beautiful music and the rhythm was happy.

Chorus:
It was the Candy Kid from the mission Bow'ry.
A hobo Santa working for the Salvation Army.
Come drop a nickel in the kettle.
The Candy Kid will dance your troubles away.

Watchin' him move, people couldn't help but groove
And they were clappin' their hands and singin', "Come on Candy."
While we were caught in this glow it may have started to snow,
I don't know, I don't know, my happy soul was diggin' Candy. (Chorus)"

2) "Christmas on the Moon." Words and music by Jerry Silverman:
"Christmas on the moon, let's spend Christmas on the moon,
Far above the earth and its cares, we'll catch Santa unawares.
We'll float beneath the starry skies, and we'll watch the old earth rise,
On an old time Christmas like we uster, rendezvousing with our booster.
For the boy and girl with ev'rything, how about a little lunar fling?
In a capsule that's just built for two, let's rocket to the moon, I mean, sock it to the moon.
And we'll spend Christmas on the moon, let's spend Christmas on the moon,
'Round and 'round the moon we will go, in our guided mistletoe.
Away out there in outer space, we'll meet Santa face to face,
All the Christmas lights will shine so brightly, as we touchdown satellitely.
Just my little honey babe and me, we'll defy the law of gravity.
There is one thing to be thankful for, although we may be weightless, we surely won't be dateless.
For our Christmas on the moon, let's spend Christmas on the moon,
All our blessings we'll be countin' when the earth comes over the mountain,
Let's spend Christmas on the, Christmas on the moon."

3) "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas). By Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert :
"Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry
Ple-ease Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry.
Just last year when I was only seven
Now I'm almost eight, as you can see
You came home a quarter past eleven
And fell down underneath our Christmas tree.
Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cryyy-yyy-yy
Ple-ease Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry.
Mama smiled and looked outside the window
She told me "Son, you'd better go upstairs."
Then you laughed and hollered "Merry Christmas!"
I turned around and saw my mama's tears
Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry
Ple-ease Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry.
No, I don't want to see my mama cryyyyyy."

Okay. Let's have 'em folks.