Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Is- is that SWEAT?

I always strive for original programming, so its rare that I'll run a repeat. But this heatwave seems just like last year's. Which brought out these sentiments, which I'm sure are shared throughout the heartland.

Okay, that and the fact I feel too lazy to write today.

"Stairway To Hell" , copyright 2005.
Words by Scottius Maximus.
Sung to the tune of "Stairway To Heaven."
With my deepest apologies to Led Zeppelin.

"There's a lady who states,
that this heat wave is great
as she's frying an egg on my sidewalk.
It's so humid, I bet,
that I'll be soaking wet,
just by blinking my eyelids too quickly.
Ooooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh oooooh, and she's frying an egg on my sidewalk.

It's so bright I can't see, as the sun beats on me,
'Cause my pupils constrict down to nothing.
I'll bump into the wall, and down the stairs I'll fall,
'Cause my eyes they're both nothing but iris.
Oooooooooooh, and it makes me sweat more.
Ooooooooooh, it makes me sweat more.

There's a feeling I get,

as my eyes fill with sweat,
like the stinging of thousands of hornets.
And I stick to the seat

of my car from this heat,
Like I'm glued by some resin from Saturn.
Oooooooh, and it makes me sweat more.
Oooooooh, and it makes me sweat more.

And I think that we fell, and landed in hell,
'Cause I know that my insides are melting.
But a new day will dawn,

over my burned up lawn.
With no water we'll just have to drink dust.
Ooooh, it makes me sweat more.
Oooh, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh.

If you see fire raining down soon, don't be alarmed now.
'Til you see "EVACUATE" posted.
Don't leave the windows of your car up, or it will erupt.
And your own rear end will be toasted.

Oooh, and it makes me sweat more.
Ooooh, ahhh, ahh, ahh, ahh.

Your sweat's precipitating on you, leaving a white dust.
No you're not hallucinating.
Because the water level's so low, babe did you know?
It will be 4 more years till you'll have to mow.

And as I drive on down the road.
Cursing that A/C that I sold.
I nearly faint as I am told
never again will it be cold.
The air is heavier than gold
so that I'm wheezing like I'm old.
The heat index is 2-0-4,
We need to go bathe in Crisco.
And we'll all be ready- to explode.

And she's frying an egg on my sidewalk."


  1. Oh oh, someone get Lucy quick. He's fading fast....

  2. Okay, Lucy to the rescue!!! :)

  3. Nah honey, you still got it! :) You haven't lost your creativity yet!

  4. Awesome. I relate, because it's been 90+ degrees in Cleveland, and my car A/C doesn't work right now.

    Hazed & dazed in Cleveland.

  5. OMG Mr. Rick, having been there myself, I can empathize.

    There is only one solution to your predicament. You must remain in an A/C-less environment. That way you'll get used to the heat and it won't bother you that your car doesn't have A/C. I wish you the best in this.