What Is Truth?

That's for you all to try to figure out.

Since Barb tazed me, I have to come up with 7 true things about myself.

Even 77 truths could not begin to describe yours truly in all my insidious glory, but I'll oblige on one condition.

That with the 7 truths I will include a few un-truths.

Your job will be to decipher the 7 truths from the dander.

1) I once tried to dig my way to China.

2) I once tried to rewind a live radio program I was listening to, like it was on my DVR or something.

3) For a new business idea, I would like to open a chain of quality bathrooms across the country. It'd be similar to any other establishment, except its sole purpose would be to allow people who are out and about to relieve themselves without having to drive to McDonald's and pretend to be a customer in order to use a toilet. There'd just be a small fee required for admission. Travelers and tourists will especially appreciate this.

Out in the country, I'll just plant trees along the road.

4) I once proposed a time-simplification strategy that never caught on. I think our current system is too cumbersome, what with all the numbers, with both a.m. and p.m. My idea was we'd just use the terms "light" and "dark".

"What time is it, you say? Why, it's dark."

If that system is too basic for your taste, the term "almost" could be added.

That way, instead of an overwhelming number of different times during the day, there'd only be 4 times of day- light, almost dark, dark and almost light. There would be no more pressure to get anywhere on time anymore. Wouldn't that relieve some stress?

5) I could spend all day and night critiquing and designing sports uniforms.

6) I believe I don't spend enough time blogging. It's like golf. The more you do it, the better you are at it.

7) I was frequently asked to "go play outside" as a child.


8) My nose would bleed a lot of the time when I was a child, sometimes for no apparent reason.

9) I saw my first game at the new Busch Stadium this year.


10) Every time I go across the Missippi to St. Louis, I fear the New Madrid fault will misbehave and plunge all of us motorists into the waters below.


11) I've written a "Do It Yourself Guide" to medical procedures.

12) The prototype "Scottius Maximi" were a Roman in a toga, a frog and an alligator with sunglasses, before I settled on the ape prior to launch in November 2004.