Saturday, March 19, 2005

Something Is Askew

I like to eat here, but I don't trust Subway. Why do you get only one napkin per sandwich there? You have to ASK for extra napkins. Does this make any sense? What can it cost them for one extra napkin? Is there a company policy that an employee can pile 5 pounds of extra goodies on a sandwich at no extra cost, but one cannot give away more than one napkin with it? I have a suggestion. Just take off all the nutritional information garbage on your napkins, Subway, and give me a PLAIN WHITE ONE. That should cut your napkin budget by at least 95%, which would allow me to eat my sandwich without trying to conserve napkin space. I mean, I'm tired of having to budget my napkin usage: this corner for my mouth, this corner for dribble off the straw or cup lid if I fill my beverage container too full, this corner in reserve for unforseen accidents, this corner for my eyes over-tearing from the jalapenos. God forbid I should get mixed up and wipe my eyes with the corner I just used for spillage from the jalapenos. I've got enough problems in my life without worrying about this.

And I hate to think about how many times I've been driving and had to use the whole napkin to wipe up a small cup spill. The one napkin they give you is barely bigger than a toilet tissue square.

Did I miss something? Is there a napkin shortage? Are there cartels of Arab napkin moguls who are controlling the world's supply of napkins? Do we have vast napkin stores in the wilderness of Alaska that are left untapped due to environmentalist concerns, leaving us with our one napkin per sandwich ration? Are we at the point where napkins will become a side order? Will this become fast food's new "EXTRA value meal", to have a napkin? "Sir, for just 50 cents more you can have a napkin with that."

Or is Subway just the cheapest fast-food joint on earth?


  1. This is so funny...and so true. I have been in that situation many times. They are the Napkins Misers!

  2. Yes, they are "Napkins Misers". I am glad you agree. Next we'll be drinking out of the soda fountain so they don't have to part with their precious paper cups.