Saturday, April 23, 2005

The Lincoln Files

The Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library opened this week in Springfield, IL. Unfortunately, my submission to the museum did not make the final cut. So I present it here, in its entirety

Strange But True: Abraham Lincoln and The St. Louis Cardinals
Lincoln settled in Springfield, IL. The Cardinals more than once have had a minor league affiliate in Springfield, IL.
Lincoln was a lawyer. Cardinals manager Tony LaRussa is a lawyer.
Illinois is the "Land of Lincoln". The state bird of the "Land of Lincoln" is the cardinal.

Abe Lincoln was abused by his wife, Mary Todd. Former St. Louis pitcher Chuck Finley was abused by his wife, actress Tawny Kitaen.
Lincoln loved animals. Cards skipper LaRussa is an animal rights activist.
Lincoln had a famous beard. Cardinals pitcher Matt Morris has grown a now-famous beard.
Lincoln and LaRussa both begin with an L.
Lincoln has seven letters. LaRussa has seven letters.
Lincoln had a propensity to give generals the hook. LaRussa has a propensity to give pitchers the hook.
Lincoln was a back-woodsman. Just like Cardinals reliever "Hacksaw" Pulsipher.

Could this all be just coincidence? No, I think not.

So what, you might ask? Well, it is obvious that if Abe Lincoln were alive today, he would be a Cardinals fan without question. In fact, on Opening Day 2004, Honest Abe was rumored to be in the stands. I think I even saw him on TV.

Hey, if this
jack ass can write a book claiming Lincoln was gay, then I can write a post claiming Lincoln would be a Cardinals fan.

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