Friday, April 01, 2005

Poor Ozzy

Another Ozzy Osbourne mishap. I think he's running out of things to do.

Ozzy's To Do List:
Substance Abuse. Check.
Rehab. Check.
Bite head off bat. Check.
Get rabies shots. Check.
House fire. Check.
Break clavicle, cervical vertebrae, and ribs in quad bike accident. Check.
More substance abuse. Check.
More rehab. Check.
Urinate on the Alamo. Check.
Bite head off of dove. Check.
Bite head off another dove and throw at music corp. receptionist. Check.
More substance abuse. Check.
More rehab. Check.
Get stabbed with screwdriver. Check.
Urinate on police car. Check.
Get arrested for urinating on police car. Check.
Snort line of ants like cocaine. Check.
Steal money from wife to buy drugs. Check.
Defecate in elevator. Check.
Break foot doing "frog leap" on stage, then let it get infected. Check.
Screw up children. Check.
Get shot.
Jet ski during a hurricane.
Drive bulldozer into dynamite factory.
Wrestle crocodile like Steve Irwin.

But you know what the miraculous part of all this is, besides the fact that he is still alive? It's that, save for the total merit of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, what I have to offer God looks just as bad as this. I am in the same condition he is, and probably worse, except for God's grace. So, I guess I should pray for Ozzy and his family, that His grace be extended to him. And if you're like me, you should probably also.

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