Here's My UFO List

The Official Alien Board of Directors.

I wish I could find a link, but I heard this on the radio. I think Paul Harvey, but I may be wrong.

Nelson Mandela was recently voted, by those who believe in aliens and UFOs, as the one person to represent Earth at an interplanetary summit. That's right, when contact is made, they think he would best represent the human race.

First of all, we can't send just one man. No wait, a minute. Let me start over.

First of all, I don't believe in UFOs or aliens. But if I did, then I'd say, first of all, we can't send just one man. We'd have to send a committe. Maybe a committee of 10. But Mandela wouldn't be on my list.

Here's who I think should represent Earth.


1. Space Ghost- Dude already has intergalactic experience.

2. Jimmie "JJ" Walker- We'll surely give those aliens a fright, if we just send "Kid Dyn-O-Mite!"

3. Cubs manager Dusty Baker- He'll be looking for a job soon, and he can explain his theory of how blacks can tolerate and play in the Earth's heat better than whites.

4. Terrrell Owens- It'll get him out of our hair and into theirs.

5. George Foreman- He needs a new market for his famous grilling machine, because everyone on earth now has one.

6. Ozzy Osbourne- If you've heard his slurred speech, you know he can already speak "alien". So let him go and interpret. Plus, I'd just like to see the looks on the alien's faces.

7. Dan Patrick- He could bring the aliens up to date on our pennant races and football season.

8. Anna Nicole Smith- Just 'cause we need a representative of the average American woman. What???!!!

9. Kramer- I just miss seeing this guy. He was my favorite Seinfeld character. I'm sure his antics would be something to see, and he could teach aliens about "apartment levels" and "rubber bladders full of oil."

10. That Sheehan lady- It's the only thing that'll get her out of Crawford. And one hour around this broad and the aliens will likely leave our galaxy and never come back.

I think this is quite a group, don't you?

I thought about including John Madden, but that might delay the release of Madden 2007. So he can be an alternate. Along with Michael Waltrip. That cat is a gas, man!

Madden and Waltrip.


Anybody got any other suggestions?