Friday, October 28, 2005
Scottius "Encyclopedia Brown" Maximus And The Case Of The Copa Cabana
The subject of this exposition is that this man pictured above is a trouble-maker. Not in the sense that he does so purposely. It's all unintentional. But nonetheless, he's an instigator, like Woody Woodpecker.
Sure, he looks innocent. But, oh, what havoc this singer has reaped in the world of "Man-dom" since his arrival on the music scene.
A case in point. It seems this wretched woman commandeered State of Illinois property to drive 150 miles to see a Barry Manilow concert in January 2002. And then tried to get reimbursed for it. Which led to her resignation from her position and arrest. She has now been convicted and is awaiting sentencing. Tough story, right?
Well, it's too bad I'm no journalist. Because this story, as pathetic as it is, is not the "real story". And any journalist worth his weight in ink would be able to see it.
Read the second paragraph. Her husband ACCOMPANIED HER TO A BARRY MANILOW CONCERT. That is the real story here. And yet we are not told anything else about this.
How many questions immediately pop in to your mind? One? Five? Twelve? Fifty? I could hardly get past this statement.
What does this reporter mean, "What she did was attend a Barry Manilow concert in Rosemont with her husband?" The real question is WHY? Don't give me facts about the trial. Give me facts about this man. Why would a grown man do this?
It is obvious this reporter doesn't recognize a real story when it hits them between the eyes.
Since this reporter did not go after the real story, and since I'm not a journalist, I'd like Columbo to take this case. Because it is possible that other crimes were committed here.
What did this guy do that he had to accompany his wife to a Barry Manilow concert? I'm stunned.
In the world of Man-dom, few things would be more punishment than this. Every guy in America would rather spend a night on their frozen tundra of a lawn in the backyard doghouse than accept this punishment. They'd rather do laundry for a thousand Sundays than this.
I'll bet this husband is not a longshoreman. A merchant marine. A policeman or fireman. A soldier or construction worker. Just a hunch.
Not that Barry is not a fine musician. He is. But it's just that it's rumored that Barry is...and, well, his male fans are...well, YOU KNOW. "Not that there's anything wrong with that".
No other man has ever had the thought occur, "Hey, I'd love to go to a Barry Manilow concert."
I can think of one thing worse than being forced to attend this concert, and that is being forced to attend this concert and having your local newspaper snap a picture of you there. That would be the end of life as you know it.
So what did he do? Spend too many nights with the boys playing poker? Participate in a Christmas party gone bad? Get caught in a lie? Visit a gentleman's club? Whatever it is, it has to be big. HUGE. Otherwise he would have never bought tickets to a Barry Manilow concert to make up for it.
It couldn't have been that he forgot to take the garbage out. Or he let the lawn get too long. In marriage, the punishment must fit the crime.
Boy, if I were a reporter, I wouldn't let an important story like this get sidetracked by an insignificant state employee misusing state property. But I guess this is what a blogger does best. Get at the heart of the story when the MSM won't.