Thursday, November 17, 2005

It Seems To Me Some Congratulations Are In Order

I "found" this item surfing the news spots this a.m.

"November 17, 2005, Decatur, IL (Associated Press)

Although his blog is celebrating it's one year anniversary tomorrow, Scottius Maximus doesn't seem to understand all the hoopla.

"Yeah, it'll be one year old on November 18th," the 42 year old primate relunctantly acknowledges. "But when you're as big a star as I am, the little things like this often go unnoticed."

Maximus' impact on the blogosphere, though immeasurable (yes, in the smallest sense of the word), is something his humble heart will not allow him to comment upon. "But I will say this," the ornery ape goes on. "There are two things I am proud of with this endeavor. One, that there has so far not been a single fatality. And, B, to my knowledge, there's been absolutely no wagering. Those are facts I defy you to refute."


Accolades have been pouring in from all over:

"Ronnie would have loved it."- Nancy Reagan.

"Huh? I guess I slept through it."
"(You) didn't miss anything."- Those two old geezer audience members on the Muppet Show.

"Is that guy still around?"- Paul Simon.

"A credit to Cardinals baseball."- Tony LaRussa.

"Okay kids. Support this guy in his attempts to combine wrasslin' and baseball. And take your vitamins, say your prayers, and read Scottius Maximus daily."- Hulk Hogan.

"He owes me $5,000 for using the NFL logo on his site without permision. I'll be darned if he'll get away with it. Tell him I'll see him in court."- NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue.

"Does anyone know how to get him off Blogspot?"- Former NBA star and US Senator Bill Bradley.

"If you talk to him, tell him to call me sometime. That'd be a first"- Scottius Maximus' Mother.

"Just wait and see. '60 Minutes' has some interest in talking to this Mr. Maximus."
"If that's his real name."- Dan Rather and Mike Wallace.

"I've spent most of my life fighting for a better life, a better educational system, a better future, a better America for crying out loud, for our kids and grandkids. And then this idiot came along."- William Bennett.

"He stole that 'Blogger's Wonderland' song from me, and I want it back."- Paul Schaffer.

"What's that smell? Well, I'll tell you. It's Scottius Maximus' blog."- Marilyn Manson.

"Scotgurink Maxdorgorgufus iz a (bleep) mumb joeg ketpagned (bleep) shlud."- Ozzie Osbourne.

"I always thought he was...well, you know. Not that there's anything wrong with that."- Barry Manilow.

"My great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandfather would have loved to read this blog. But only after a couple beers."- Rusty "Elvis" Luther.

"That cat is far out!"- Michael Waltrip.

"If it weren't for my beard, he'd be nothing."- Matt Morris.

"Well, SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE! Bless his little heart."- Gomer Pyle.

"(That) dude's pathetic."- Race Bannon, TV cartoon hard guy.

Yes, truer words could not be spoken, Race.

Which is why Scottius Maximus almost did not come back for a second season.

"Blogspot and I had a hard time coming to a contractual agreement regarding doing another year. But we were able to come to one after all, so I'll be back. And let's just say this- A LOT of money changed hands," stated the backward blogger.

Sources close to us investigated this claim with Blogger, and found this was indeed true. Maximus is paying in excess of $500 a month to Blogger just to allow him to keep publishing.

How does he do it? Or better yet, as Gallagher would say: "Why does he do it?"

To end this tedium, Scottius Maximus does have one more thing to say:



  1. Found this surfing the 'net, huh? Provide the link, then!

  2. Okay, "TK needs" to just humor Scottius Maximus!