Friday, November 11, 2005

There's Some Web Tangling Going On In Carolina

A message to the Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who were doing unspeakable things in a restroom in Florida (allegedly):

Confess your sins to God and repent. His yoke is easy. I'm afraid the yoke you're putting on yourselves is much harder.

These two are now coming out and saying they weren't doing anything wrong in the stall together.

They want us to believe they weren't having sex in that public restroom stall. I guess they want us to believe they were doing something else. Which to me is far worse than just coming out and saying they were having sex.

The actual list of things two women can do, or would do, together in a bathroom stall is pretty small. Therefore, the alibi bank is a little short on funds for these two.

Let's see what we can come up with...

1- "We were playing the game 'Jose and Mark' and injecting each other with steroids."

This doesn't fly. Because to my knowledge, steroids are not rampant in the world of NFL cheerleading. Silicone, yes. Steroids, no.

2- "We were both so drunk it took two of us to use the john."

They'd want us to believe they weren't having sex, but instead want us to believe that they like to attend to their bodily functions in a group setting. And this is better...why?

3- "We were studying the new Rick Warren book 'Purpose Driven Toileting.'"

It is quite possible Mr. Warren has entertained this idea, but to my knowledge it has yet to be published.

4- "We were praciticing our auditions for a new reality series called 'Survivor- Truck Stop and Restaurant Bathrooms.'"

Although in our depraved society such a program is certainly possible, getting two tanked up women on a reality show would be quite an undertaking...errrrr, on second thought, this one actually sounds possible.

5- "One word: craps."

'Nuff said on this one. I'll let you draw your own conclusion about what they would mean by that.

Okay, enough of this nonsense. Just confess your sins to God. Believe in Christ's merits to cover them. Get hooked up with a confessional Lutheran church. Then pay your fines, do your time, and get on with your life.

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