Wednesday, November 23, 2005

What Am I Thankful For? Breakfast Foods That Rock!

After recently viewing a History Channel program on the history of breakfast foods, I thought it would be a good thing to delve back in to the depths of my memories (don't worry, I left the scary stuff in there) and pull out what I think are perhaps the greatest breakfast foods in history.

1- Tang
The only question is- orange or grape? I wanted to be an astronaut when I was small, and this was the closest thing to being one. And as I remember, Tang was a good word for it, because it was sour. Question- has anyone drunk (drank? I don't know) Tang in the past 30 years?

2- Quisp
Some cereal from an outer space alien. He had a counterpart named Quake. I think Quake was some kind of giant, maybe an alien, maybe not. As I remember (okay I was probably only 3 or 4 so what do I know?), Quisp tasted sort of like Cap'n Crunch. Which reminds me, there are probably more cereals in the Cap'n Crunch vein than about any other cereal kind. Such as Freakies and King Vitamin. They were essentially Cap'n Crunch with a different box. Imagine my joy when I saw Quisp and Quake in the aisle at SuperWalmart recently. Only I didn't buy it. My mistake.

3- Boo Berry
A blue berry flavored cereal? Are you kidding me? But it was awesome, baby. And I can't describe the blue milk in your bowl when the cereal was gone. De-lish. The last of the 3-headed monster cereal group to be made, it was the best (the others in that group being Count Chocula and Frankenberry). Boo Berry had little blue marshmallows with crunchy larger round pieces of blue. I spotted it again in Super Walmart within the past year. But I didn't make the same mistake I did with Quisp. This one I bought, and it was as good as I remember as an 8 year old. My highest recommendation.

4- Crunch Berries
That Crunch Berry beast freak creeped me out. What was he supposed to be? But this was my favorite of the Cap'n Crunch genre. Cap'n Crunch with little red berry balls. Nice.

5- Count Chocula
Large chocolate round hard bits with tiny chocolate marshmallows. Leaving the chocolatiest (word?) milk in the land to drink down when finished. And I loved the picture of the Count on the box. Now, looking at him as an adult medical professional, I think he looks a bit jaundiced. Maybe he vampired on the wrong person. Yuck. Anyway, one of the original two of the eventual monster cereal trio.

6- Sir Grapefellow
I was skinny as a kid, and this guy was skinny also, so I guess that was part of the reason why I liked him better than his short fat counterpart, Baron Von Redberry. Sir Grapefellow was also a WWI Ally, English I remember, to counterbalance the Kraut, Von Redberry. They both had their own cereal, Sir Grapefellow obviously being grape, and Baron Von Redberry being a red raspberry flavor. They were supposed to be WWI flying aces who fought one another. Over their cereal, I guess.

I think this was the single most unique cereal I have ever eaten. A freakin' grape flavored cereal. I love it. I haven't seen this one brought back. That's a shame.

7- Frankenberry
One of the original two cereals in the eventual three-headed monster cereal group, this cereal was strawberry flavored as I remember. It had hard crunchy round bits combined with soft small marshmallows like the other two in the franchise. But the Frankenberry dude seemed like such a dolt on the commercials I couldn't get with eating his cereal as much as Count Chocula or Boo Berry. He reminded me of Curly, only with a Transylvanian accent and bolts in his neck.

8- Alpha-Bits
I don't know what it was about the taste as a child, but I loved it. I tried it as an adult and found I did not care for it much. Kind of reminded me of pet food. And I could never get it to spell my name, 'cause it has a K in it. Which one could never for certain identify. "Let's see is that a K...or a Y...or an X." I think they calculated the letter distribution in the bag based on its frequency in the game Scrabble.

9- Super Sugar Crisp/Super Orange Crisp
Sugar Bear was one bad dude. As in cool and powerful. His popularity was so great that in my neighborhood growing up, one of my friends went as Sugar Bear on Halloween one year. In the early '70s the bear branched out into another cereal called Super Orange Crisp. Sweet Super Sugar Crisp with tangy orange bits in it. The contrast of sweet and sour was awesome. I must have been the only person who loved this cereal, because they quit making it after a short time and have never brought it back. What a shame.

10- Pink Panther Flakes
The Pink Panther, my favorite cartoon character, had his own cereal at one time. It was like eating Frosted Flakes that were dyed pink. Weird stuff. Like, far out, man. Just like a lot of early 1970s stuff. I probably have bits of pink dye in my spleen to this day, waiting to awake from dormancy and cause cancer or something. There just was something not right about this cereal.

11- Sugar Smacks
Start your day the Sugar Smacks way. Dig 'Em the frog was cool, although not as cool as Sugar Bear. But then again, who on this planet is cooler than Sugar Bear? Question- weren't Sugar Smacks and Sugar Crisp the same cereal? Did they think we wouldn't notice?

12- Sugar Pops
One thing I love about the '60s and '70s is they weren't afraid to put the word SUGAR on their products. They were PROUD of all the sugar. Nowadays they try to hide it by changing the name and using the term "high fructose corn syrup". That's SUGAR, too, folks. But it makes us feel better about eating sweetened cereal.

13- Frosted Flakes
I loved Tony the Tiger, and to this day I think this is the single greatest cereal ever made. In the world of kid-dom, I think only Oreos is on par with this food. Want proof? Have you ever seen them try to improve it by adding flavors or colors to Frosted Flakes? Ever got a box of "New and Improved Frosted Flakes"? Of course not. Because it's perfect the way it is. Its only downside is its tendency to wilt after only 20 seconds in milk.

Frosted Flakes of Corn. Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

14- Froot Loops

I loved Toucan Sam as much as Tony, until they gave him a fruity English accent sometime in the 1970s. But the cereal remains to this day a treasure to behold in front of one's hungry eyes. The only other gripe I have is they've tried to "improve" Froot Loops by adding more colors. When I was a kid, there was red, yellow, and orange. And that's the way it should still be.

15- Trix
Another cereal they've tried to improve by adding more flavors/colors. Why? Can anyone really tell the difference between red and purple tiny cereal balls. A lot of people think Trix are just Froot Loops in ball form. Wrongo! Two distinctly tasting cereals altogether. A real cereal connoisseur would know that. And I never understood why no one would share their bowl of cereal with the rabbit. I hated those Trix kids for that. Selfish, sinful Trix kids.

That sums it up. Any others I forgot?


  1. Yep, I had Tang yesterday, and will probably drink some today. The only problem is that now that I'm an old fogie, I drink the sugar free version. Still tastes wonderful.

    My mom used to have Pringles and Tang for me every day for an after school snack. Ate it while watchin' Gilligan's Island. Paradise!

  2. You're kidding! Sugar-free Tang?

    Tang and Pringles, another of my favorite foods, sounds like a perfect combo to go and watch Gilligan, my favorite show as a child. I always watched it with a glass of either Regular or Strawberry Nestles Quick.