America's Top 10 Wishes 2006

(With apologies to this man.)

The Top 10 Wishes For 2006, based on a poll of "average Americans" conducted by the dreaded scientific researchers at Scottius Maximus Enterprises Institute.

10. That the Cardinals win the World Series.
9. That the fourth movie in the Lord of the Rings series, "The Return of Calvin and Hobbes", is released. Or at least the comic strip by that name returns.
8. That Congress outlaws the idea of a possible "Lawrence Welk Show Channel".
7. That the Cartoon Network dispenses with their dismal "original programming" and returns to showing classic cartoons.
6. That the America that is asleep wakes up and realizes we have been at war, and will be at war, for possibly the rest of their lives.
5. That Scottius Maximus' vintage RCA Victor Stereo Console, Model Number VHT 39D, will find someone that can repair its non-functioning right speaker and FM tuner.
4. That Chuck Negron, former lead singer of Three Dog Night, announce he is running for the Republican nomination in 2008.
3. That those alcohol/caffeine combo drinks are outlawed.
2. That the CMAA be renamed the Hoss awards, after legendary actor Dan Blocker of Bonanza fame.
1. Two words: Free Cuba.