Thursday, June 08, 2006

Cardinals Season- Metaphorically Speaking

One of my favorite movies is "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly." It's showing again on Sunday at 2:30 p.m. on Spike.

At any rate, at the end of the movie, the dialogue between Tuco and Clint Eastwood's No Name Character (Blondie, as Tuco would say) goes something like this:

(The Bad character played by Lee Van Cleef was just killed in a gunfight, leaving Clint's character and Tuco to divide the buried treasure).

"Clint: You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend...those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.
Tuco: Where?
Clint: Here.
Tuco: (looking at grave marked "unknown"): Unk..unk...There's no name on it!
Clint: (looking at rock in his hand): There's no name here, either. You see, that's what Bill Carson told me: "There's a grave marked 'unknown', right beside Arch Stanton." Go ahead.
(Tuco digs crazily and finds bags loaded with coin).

Tuco: It's money! It's all ours, Blondie! (Tuco then looks up and sees Clint holding a noose). You're joking, Blondie. You wouldn't... you wouldn't play a joke on me like that.
Clint: It's no joke. It's a rope, Tuco. I want you to stand up there, and put your head in that noose. (Tuco obliges and ends up standing on the grave's cross with his head in the noose and hands bound).

Clint: Well, now...seems just like old times. (He counts out the bags of coin) Four for you...and four...four for me. Sorry, Tuco.
Tuco: Blondie... ...(pleading and gagging) Blondie?...(Clint rides off, Tuco becoming more desparate) BLONDIE!!! (Tuco stumbles around on top of cross and almost falls off as Clint disappears in the distance on his horse). (Tuco is now very shaken)...Blondie???

(Clint rides back toward Tuco and reappears in the distance. He takes aim and shoots the rope in half, freeing Tuco and causing him to fall on top of the money).
Tuco: (Yelling to Clint) BLONDIE!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? JUST A DIRTY SON OF A...(Cue familiar music)!"

Now before anyone calls the sheriff to have me locked up with the crazies, let me explain how this relates to the St. Louis Cardinals 2006 season.

Lee Van Cleef's character symbolizes the Cubs and Astros, the Cards two chief rivals. Both teams are seemingly dead in 2006. And the Cardinals are cruising along, ready to collect the spoils of yet another successful regular season campaign. Until...

Albert Pujols goes down. It is as if someone has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The Cardinals are shown their very own noose, by which they will apparently die, a la Tuco. Just as Tuco said, "You wouldn't play a joke on me like that", Cardinals players, management, and fans started repeating the same delusional mantra Saturday when they saw Albert in obvious pain.

Then the diagnosis came down...a strained abdominal oblique. In other words, "It's no's a rope."

So here we are. The Cardinals, all of the players, fans, even the batboys, now stand collectively with a noose around our neck, trying to maintain our balance on a small cross so that we continue to live through the season. And Albert has ridden off and is nowhere in sight presently.

And so far, with a record of 1-4 since Albert went down, you'd have to say that we're teetering on that cross like a drunken sailor walking the plank.

And the question long until Albert returns to shoot us down and save us?


  1. IF the DOG cooperates, I'll watch the movie tomorrow. It's been cold and cloudy for the past few days, so might as well watch a movie. But if the sun is out, I'll record it and watch later. By the way, which is which? Good...ugly...bad. Just wonderin' I mean, Clint can't be ugly.

  2. Funny you should ask that question. I don't know the answer for sure. In the movie, the labels are as follows:
    Clint is the Good, Lee Van Cleef is the Bad, and Tuco (Eli Wallach) is the ugly.

    However, in the trailers for the movie, Lee Van Cleef is the Ugly and Eli Wallach is the Bad.

    I guess because both men were both bad and ugly, they could go in either category.

  3. I got through half the movie. Thank you for telling me the ending. Now I dont' have to finish. Observations: Lots of shooting going on. The plot line is much belabored. Was the wild west really THAT bad? I find that hard to believe. And another thing, that mom and kid in the beginning of the movie are most definitely not Mexican. They're Italian, no doubt. Now I know what spaghetti western means. Still, I'm glad I watched it. I like the one where Clint was hanged in the very beginning of the movie. What is that one?

  4. Probably "Hang 'Em High". "High Plains Drifter" is another "vengeance" movie where Clint goes medieval on those who done him wrong.

    And I CAN'T BELIEVE you missed the ending. That's the best part of the whole movie! The three way

  5. Sorry...
    The three way gunfight is awesome...and the lines are classic!

  6. I didn't delete the movie, I just didn't finish it. I'll finish it, weather, kids, husband and house cooperating.

  7. Whew! I'll admit it's a little hard to follow at the beginning, but it all works it's way out.

    This is one of my all time favorite movies. I just think it is a very well told story. With a fantastic sound track.

    And they'll all cooperate...just by them all a bone.