Thursday, June 08, 2006
Cardinals Season- Metaphorically Speaking
One of my favorite movies is "The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly." It's showing again on Sunday at 2:30 p.m. on Spike.
At any rate, at the end of the movie, the dialogue between Tuco and Clint Eastwood's No Name Character (Blondie, as Tuco would say) goes something like this:
(The Bad character played by Lee Van Cleef was just killed in a gunfight, leaving Clint's character and Tuco to divide the buried treasure).
"Clint: You see, in this world there's two kinds of people, my friend...those with loaded guns, and those who dig. You dig.
Tuco: (looking at grave marked "unknown"): Unk..unk...There's no name on it!
Clint: (looking at rock in his hand): There's no name here, either. You see, that's what Bill Carson told me: "There's a grave marked 'unknown', right beside Arch Stanton." Go ahead.
(Tuco digs crazily and finds bags loaded with coin).
Tuco: It's money! It's all ours, Blondie! (Tuco then looks up and sees Clint holding a noose). You're joking, Blondie. You wouldn't... you wouldn't play a joke on me like that.
Clint: It's no joke. It's a rope, Tuco. I want you to stand up there, and put your head in that noose. (Tuco obliges and ends up standing on the grave's cross with his head in the noose and hands bound).
Clint: Well, now...seems just like old times. (He counts out the bags of coin) Four for you...and four...four for me. Sorry, Tuco.
Tuco: Blondie... ...(pleading and gagging) Blondie?...(Clint rides off, Tuco becoming more desparate) BLONDIE!!! (Tuco stumbles around on top of cross and almost falls off as Clint disappears in the distance on his horse). (Tuco is now very shaken)...Blondie???
(Clint rides back toward Tuco and reappears in the distance. He takes aim and shoots the rope in half, freeing Tuco and causing him to fall on top of the money).
Tuco: (Yelling to Clint) BLONDIE!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE? JUST A DIRTY SON OF A...(Cue familiar music)!"
Now before anyone calls the sheriff to have me locked up with the crazies, let me explain how this relates to the St. Louis Cardinals 2006 season.
Lee Van Cleef's character symbolizes the Cubs and Astros, the Cards two chief rivals. Both teams are seemingly dead in 2006. And the Cardinals are cruising along, ready to collect the spoils of yet another successful regular season campaign. Until...
Albert Pujols goes down. It is as if someone has snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. The Cardinals are shown their very own noose, by which they will apparently die, a la Tuco. Just as Tuco said, "You wouldn't play a joke on me like that", Cardinals players, management, and fans started repeating the same delusional mantra Saturday when they saw Albert in obvious pain.
Then the diagnosis came down...a strained abdominal oblique. In other words, "It's no joke...it's a rope."
So here we are. The Cardinals, all of the players, fans, even the batboys, now stand collectively with a noose around our neck, trying to maintain our balance on a small cross so that we continue to live through the season. And Albert has ridden off and is nowhere in sight presently.
And so far, with a record of 1-4 since Albert went down, you'd have to say that we're teetering on that cross like a drunken sailor walking the plank.
And the question remains...how long until Albert returns to shoot us down and save us?