Why Soccer Blows

Most sports would consider a championship, like the past month's World Cup, to be sufficient to determine who the best team is.

Of course, not soccer. Nooooo. Soccer is just plain weird.

Didn't we just witness Italy win the World Cup Championship? Did that not count for anything?

Why is it that Italy is ranked #2 in the world in the latest "rankings"? Why is it that Brazil, a team that couldn't even make it in to the finals, is #1? How can these things be? By winning the World Cup, Italy earned the right to be #2 in the world?

What was the point of the whole World Cup, then? I admit to being soccer ignorant. But this is hard to comprehend.

Can you imagine the Italians getting up this morning and seeing this?
Mario: Hey, the FIFA World Soccer Rankings are out!
Luigi: I bet I know who #1 is!
Mario: I bet you don't!
Luigi: Let me try to guess.
Mario: Go for it.
Luigi: Well let's see...the Italian team did not lose a game in the recent World Cup...they trailed only one time...and they gave up only one goal. They won the whole tournament and defeated all challengers. That means they must be #2.
Mario: You're right, Luigi. That's amazing.
Luigi: Yeah, Mario. It is amazing.

Didn't we just watch (or not watch) a tournament designed to settle this very issue? Weren't billions of dollars spent on this whole thing? What a crock!

Are we on Bizarro?

So...the whole thing was a sham, huh? I thought I knew what absurdity was until now. Leave it to soccer to get things all mixed up. Maybe the soccer powers haven't eaten enough orange wedges, or drank enough Sunny Delight, to keep their minds sharp.

HEY, SOCCER...ITALY IS YOUR NUMBER ONE TEAM! DUH!


Uuuuggghhhhh. I've got a major league headache. Give me some baseball again.