Friday, October 07, 2005

Random Thoughts On A Nice Autumn Day

Why don't we have chicken flavored hot dogs? Americans love chicken, and they love hot dogs. I mean, it's not like I'm calling for chicken flavored gum.

Since no one has thought of this before, I'm going to step up to the plate. In the spirit of the Taco Salad, I am proposing the Hamburger Salad. You grill some hamburger, cut it up, put ketchup, mustard, dill pickle chips, sliced lettuce, sliced onion and torn bread on top, and voila, a Hamburger Salad. Add cheese, if you wish, for the Cheeseburger Salad. Admit it, it sounds pretty tasty.

How long 'til TV cabledom presents us with "The Elvis Channel- All Elvis, All The Time?"

For the older women- could you really make things in the Easy Bake Oven that were actually edible, or was it all pretend?

For the older men- did anyone else begin to question which side of the street the action doll Big Jim walked on when Mattel started to make his buddies, Big Josh and Big Jack?

I know who Bachman is. And I know Turner also. But who's Overdrive?

Apple juice, grape juice, prune juice, cranberry juice, grapefruit juice, lemon juice, and orange juice. So where are the watermelon, strawberry, blueberry, and raspberry juices?

Want proof God exists? Bread. 'Cause no one could have figured out how to make this without His help. It's not like there were large laboratories to test all this stuff. What are the odds of cavemen randomly taking the right ingredients and mixing them together and coming up with something edible? Left to his own devices, man would have made bread out of twigs, mushrooms, and oak leaves. And no matter how you slice it, with those ingredients bologna sandwiches would not be the same.

Would we have to brush our teeth if someone invented plastic teeth guards to use while eating? I'm sure we'd still need mouth wash, but hey, I could use the extra 10 minutes a day.

If hospitals had friendlier sounding names, would people not be as afraid of them? I mean, if you go into a hospital named "Memorial", doesn't that psychologically affect a person adversely? So how about "Uncle Kenny's Medical Center", "Alice's Hospital", or "St. Bob's"?

But an even bigger question is this: could a hospital named Uncle Kenny's get accredited?

Can airplanes really fly? Think about it. Maybe we just imagine we're flying. How can something weighing many tons get off the ground?

Why aren't cars made of rubber? Collisions would be much less dangerous.

When I look at some of the people who can vote, sometimes "benevolent dictatorship" looks better.

Anybody heard the new "Real Men of Genius" Bud Light baseball themed commercials, made just in time for the playoffs? Absolutely hilarious. Mr. Overzealous Foul Ball Catcher and Mr. Ceremonial First Pitch Thrower Outer. I start to laugh now whenever I hear that familiar drum intro.

Two wins down. Nine to go.


  1. Since I'm so smart, I'll answer your questions:

    1. Don't know, don't care

    2. I prefer Hamburger Candy:

    3. Five years

    4. Actually edible, although quality control was not good (dust, hair, nose-picking,etc)

    5. Big Jim dolls? Must have been a St. Louis thing...

    6. An internet search, which brought me to the seedy part of town btw - tells me that BTO (0ne of my favorites) is a combination of band members' last names and the trucker's magazine "Overdrive".

    7. I've had all four of those juices. Watermelon juice is wonderful and very good for you. Strawberry, Blueberry and raspberry juices are easily found:

    8. Not really a question, is it?

    9. I just had part 2 of 4 of my root canal this morning, so I don't think that my answer on this question would count. I'm apparently doing something wrong.

    10. Ok, now you're getting silly.

    12. You've obviously never heard of Minneapolis' famous Sister Kenny Institute

    13. See here:

    14. If cars were made of rubber, then all these people would be out of work:

    15. From Wikipedia: Like many political classifications, the title of benevolent dictator suffers from its inherent subjectivity. Such leaders as Fidel Castro, Benito Mussolini, Julius Caesar, Oliver Cromwell, Napoleon Bonaparte, Francisco Franco, Vladimir Lenin, Josip Broz Tito, Augusto Pinochet and Anwar Sadat have been characterized by their supporters as benevolent dictators. In all these cases it depends largely on one's point of view as to just how "benevolent" they were or are.

    16. I'll ask my son and husband to point it out. They are heavily interested in the Sox/Sox battle.

  2. I'm so smart that I don't use the number 11.

  3. Sure, the great Theresa is a walking encyclopedia and can manage her two blogs much better than I can handle this one lame offering...but can she answer these questions?!!!

    How come this post didn't bring her to tears?!!!

    Should we make up an investment group to fund the Elvis Channel now? Could pay off big later.

    A four part root canal? What's that about?

    What was the alcohol content of those "juices" she drank?

    I've heard of a Boy Named Sue, but somebody actually had a sister named Kenny? That can't be good for one's self esteem.

    Can she get the people at "How Stuff Works" to look at my mind? Sometimes when I post ridiculous stuff like this, I wonder.

    Enough questions. More thoughts...

    After seeing hamburger candy, chicken flavored gum would definitely be obsolete.

    I once knew a basset hound named "Overdrive" (no kidding).

    Wikpedia has never read the dreaded "If Scottius Maximus Ruled The World..." posts, or they would have looked upon benevolent dictator more favorably.

    The Sox are going to win that series and advance to the ALCS. By the way, to hear the commercials, just click on the links.

    For anyone about to take the GED, SAT, ACT, MCAT, LSAT, GRE, DAT, or USMLE tests, just remember what we've learned: skip number 11- it's for dummies.