Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Next Chapter Or A Whole New Book?


My first book, which came out two years ago, had a second edition published last year.

Now we have news of this. This could easily be chapter 3 of my book, but being the visual creature I am, I am reluctant to go with it without a good picture. And the x-rays I have seen which I might use are none too clear.

Which makes me think that perhaps I should use this story as the first chapter in an entirely new book. The working title is "Americans Are Nothing But A Bunch Of Whiney Pussies."

Because if this story would have happened here, it undoubtedly would be a different story. The man would have found the nearest lawyer, sued the doctor who sutured him with a tooth in his head, sued the hospital that allowed the doctor near him, sued the other rugby player for allowing his teeth to be in a state that they were so easily evacuated from his mouth, sued his parents for passing on to him a skull that wasn't strong enough to stop a tooth, as well as all relatives and by-standers of said persons.

Then he would have appeared on Today, Good Morning America, Oprah, and Greta, where he would cry on about his tragedy to all the pinheads who would listen.

Then the governement would get involved, and some jag of a representative would enact a law making it a crime to play rugby without a helmet or mouthguard.

But, thankfully, this guy is Australian. His name is Ben Czislowski. Here's his take on the situation as noted in the above link:

"I can laugh about it now but the doctor told me it could have been serious with teeth carrying germs," Czislowski told Australian Associated Press.

"I feel so lucky that the worst that I got out of it was that my head looked uglier than it does normally."

That's awesome, no?

If you haven't seen Russell Crowe's 60 Minutes interview, I suggest you go here to read it. It illustrates what I am talking about. This country is all about being the biggest crybaby. We overreact to everything. It's true. And the press, being obnoxious and self-important, eggs this behavior on. I really admire what Crowe has to say. He's one of the few who have the stones to say what he really thinks. What you see is what you get. There's little room for hypocrisy when you live your life that way.

The following was a great post from Gates of Vienna a while back that illustrates the kind of country we've allowed ourselves to be caged into:
"See what fifty years will do:

Scenario: Jack pulls into school parking lot with rifle in gun rack.
1956 Vice Principal comes over, takes a look at Jack’s rifle, goes to his car and gets his to show Jack.
2006 School goes into lockdown, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1956 Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up best friends. Nobody goes to jail, nobody arrested, nobody expelled.
2006 Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jason won’t be still in class, disrupts other students.
1956 Jason sent to office and given a good paddling by Principal. Sits still in class.
2006 Jason given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. School gets extra money from state because Jason has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his father’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1956 Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2006 Billy’s Dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Billy’s sister is told by state psychologist that she remembers being abused herself and their Dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some headache medicine to school.
1956 Mark shares headache medicine with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2006 Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1956 Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2006 Pedro’s cause is taken up by state Democratic party. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he can’t speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed
1956 Ants die.
2006 BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again."

Can we ever return? Of course not. I just hope our mentality is not contagious and doesn't spread to places like Australia and New Zealand.

So, which should it be? The new chapter? Or the new book?

Scottius Maximus Word Of The Month

For July, it's "oi." Or, if you prefer, "oy".

Oi- an interjection; used to get someone's attention.

Wikipedia says "Oi, pronounced [ɔɪ], is a British, Irish, Australian, and New Zealand slang interjection used to get someone's attention, or to express surprise or disapproval. It is also occasionally used in the United States. It is also used in Singapore, with the alternate pronunciation [oɪ]. It is not polite, but it is not especially offensive. It is not to be confused with the Yiddish exclamation of dismay or exasperation "oy" or "oy vey". Often, on television, radio and other media, a stereotypical London Policeman says "Oi! Sunshine! You're nicked!"."

Let's use it, say...in a song...

Here's cousin Bon...

Wednesday's Reading

Psalms 25, 26 and 27. 2 Corinthians 3.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I Want My Money Back

I thought it was my dog. Poor Sam. And to think that last week I spent $35 for 5 bags of bulbs.

I Know People Like This

Still more hilarious stuff from The Onion.

Tuesday Readings

Psalms 22, 23 and 24. 2 Corinthians 2.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Birthday Buzz

If anyone else has a birthday this week, please e-mail me and let me know. That way I can miss yours also. I'd hate to slight you.

I missed Barb The Evil Genius' birthday on Friday, which also happened to be one of our pastors birthdays.

Then yesterday I missed Cardinals' announcer Mike Shannon's birthday. Here's Mike at his restaurant, a picture I "borrowed" from that website.



He's now 68. And it's been a rough year for the great one. His wife has been ill with cancer, and so understandably he may not accompany the team on road trips the rest of the year. He's also being sued by Josh Hancock's father because his restaurant served him alcohol the night of Hancock's fatal accident.

Happy year 69 to you, Mike! Let's hope it's a better one.

By the way, if you haven't checked out the great johnsebben.com, then do it now. There's a lot of interesting stuff.

And he has the biggest collection of Mike Shannon quotes, also known as "Shannonisms", on the web. Here are some of the newest submissions, as well as some 'classics':

"They boo everyone here in Philadelphia...Santa Clause....the Easter Bunny....(dead air for a few moments)....themselves."


"Here's the 1-2 pitch. DeLeon winds and delivers. SWING AND A MISS! No, wait, he held up. But he's punched out on a called strike three!!!!"

"Ozzie doesn't have an earflap on his batting helmet. There's a rule in the National League that batters must have an earflap on their helmet on the side facing the pitcher. But some players are {long pause} extinct from that rule."

"What a play by Grudzielanek! He goes left, he goes right, he's the man on the high flying trapeze."(after a great diving catch by Mark Grudzielanek)

"You can't sweep a doubleheader if you don't win the first game."

"The young man taking the mound is a native of Tooo-leee-dooo, Ohio...........That's Toledo, for those of you who don't know...heh...heh...heh."
Wayne Hagin: "You had me going there for a second, Mike."


"Cinco de Mayo! That's coming up.....next May."

"Brad Aus-moss" (pronunciation of Brad Ausmus, Houston catcher)

"Jack, it's great to see those beautiful ivory-colored walls again here at Wrigley."


"Heh-heh...ol' Abner's done it again, eh Jack?"

"The reason you can't do that is the light will get in the fielder's eyes and they'll get hit right between the coconuts." (the umpires had stopped the game to get some press box lights turned off)

"Mike Schmidt nursed Dayley for a one-out walk."

"That didn't look like a Van Gogh painting, but he got 'er done".(after a fly to deep center sent a runner to third)

"Mulder can't cut the rug."

"A home run by Jenkins would be great news for Mr…Mr…(long pause)….and Mrs. Brewers fans."
(apparently he forgot the manager's name so he came up with this save)

"Take a ride on that knockdown pitch big boy."
(July 4, 2003, when Albert Pujols hit a home run off Kerry Wood after a fastball inside on the previous pitch)

"When it rains it pours, and there's bucketfulls falling on the Cardinals right now."

"That thing dern near hit him on the tootsie and he would've barked."

"That's Ernie Hayes playing at the pearly gates."

"That was a headsy play by the Cardinals second baseman."

"Jimmy [Edmonds] steps in to lead off the bottom half of the inning... with nobody on base.…(long pause) It could happen... just not tonight."

"Two outs, two on. The cardinals trailing by two, here in the ninth. The two-two pitch to Pujols - Swwwwiiiing and a looong one! Get up baby! That's a winner folks, the cardinals win it -- what? Oh! Sorry folks, we're in the top of the ninth. Still got another half-inning to go..." (spring training game)

"He wont get any symphony over there; no symphony at all......."

"I'll bet Glen's old heart was beating like the Bells on Christmas Day!"
(Padre's Third Base Coach Glen Hoffman dove to the turf to avoid a hard hit foul ball down the left field line).

"There sure is a lot of psychological electricity going on with the Cardinals this inning!"
(Talking about strategies that Tony LaRussa was implementing in Game 3 of the 2006 NLDS series.)

"He's so hot, if you stand too close to him you'll get a suntan." (Bobby Abreu)

"We have Rick Ankiel on the mound tonight, pitching on his twenty-first birthday. Yes sir folks, this young man, just as of today is old enough to vote!"

"You can hear that in his broadcasting if you have a keen eye."(Jack Buck)

"That's an intoxicating battery out there tonight... Bush and Miller!"(Milwaukee pitcher and catcher).


There are dozens more.

Yours truly submitted an entry last fall, and it has finally been accepted. It is officially now part of Mike Shannon lore. See if you can find it here. (Hint: It has to do with Opening Day 2006).

Monday Readings

Psalms 19, 20 and 21. 2 Corinthians 1.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Weekend Reading

Psalms 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 and 18. 1 Corinthians 16.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

In The Big Picture...



My family's more important than yours.

We just finished our week as a Nielsen TV family. So now you can blame us for what's on TV next year.

But don't worry. With my loyal help, Johnny Quest, Sponge Bob and Scooby Doo shall never leave the airwaves.

All Hail Fujifilm!

Lucy got a new camera for her business. So I've been doing some shooting.



Not that kind, no.

She needs to be able to get a lot of close up detail.

I'm still practicing, but here's a tight shot of my Skytel Timex pager in great detail:


Thursday, July 12, 2007

What If...

You could go to your favorite political/religious blog and not see someone try to argue with that tired cliche, "the strawman"?

Whitey Herzog directed movies and Werner Herzog had managed the Cardinals?

Account numbers that begin with a string of zeroes were outlawed?

We are the real puppets, and Howdy Doody and Knucklehead Smiff are actually pulling our strings?


Subway at least offered us PB and J?

Instead of going down to Georgia, the Devil went up to Schenectady?

The Bears had been called The Goats?


KC and the Sunshine Band was really a CIA operative like Chuck Barris?

Instead of a hairy place on the upper lip, God put a hairy patch on each cheek?

Instead of a bullfrog, Jeremiah was a chain smoking halibut who hated wine?

You could have the last 60 seconds of your life back?

Thursday Reading

Psalms 7, 8 and 9. 1 Corinthians 14.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

iGoogle

For years I've used a personalized MSNBC homepage on my Firefox browser at home. I also have used Bloglines to subscribe to and read my favorite blogs without having to actually go to the site.

I've wanted to try Google Reader for many months and finally got around to using it last weekend. It is visually much more attractive than Bloglines. It also seems to load my feeds faster.

So now I've moved my browser's homepage to iGoogle, which is also much prettier than MSN. I like the beach theme and how the look changes to correspond to the time of day. I've added some features to my homepage and deleted others I either didn't read or use. Overall I'm very satisfied.

Unless there is something even better out there. They wouldn't come up with something new, would they?

Tony Stewart

Not too many people are notorious enough for me to write a haiku about, but Tony Stewart just joined the ranks of Randy Moss, toilet drinking dogs, goofy weather, bad allergies and transsexuals.




It's never my fault.
Shorter than Napoleon.
I'm a total tool.

Wednesday Reading

Psalms 4, 5 and 6. 1 Corinthians 13.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Tuesday Reading

Psalms 1, 2 and 3. 1 Corinthians 12.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Monday Reading

Job 40, 41 and 42. 1 Corinthians 11.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

Weekend Reading

Job 36, 37, 38 and 39. 1 Corinthians 10.

Friday, July 06, 2007

Friday Reading

Job 34 and 35. 1 Corinthians 9.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

My New Hero


And, naturally, he's a Scot.

His name is Alex McIlveen.
"That's when I saw red. That sort of thing just isn't on...I told my passenger to run for her life, then I went for the passenger and managed to skelp him in the face. I followed it up by booting him twice...I don't think the policeman I saw at the scene drew his baton during the whole thing. He should have given it to me - I'd have leathered those guys with it."

Read his awesome story here.


"Awesome! Totally awesome! All right, Hamilton! ..."

The Benoit Contoversy

The tragic death of pro wrestler Chris Benoit has left me saddened. Even though I am more of a "classic" wrestling fan, growing up on Dick The Bruiser, Sailor Art Thomas, The Black Jacks, etc., and reached the zenith of my interest long ago in the Macho Man/Hulk Hogan era, I still follow it a little and consider myself a fan.

This whole thing is undoubtedly going to get very ugly. The people that run wrestling, like their counterparts in boxing, sound like VERY BAD people.

This case has had Fox's Greta all over it, of course. One of her frequent guests has been Bret "Hitman" Hart, one of my favorites from long ago.

Which brings us to the controversy in our household.

I commented to Lutheran Lucy how much I liked Hitman's hairstyle:



For the past 5 years I have had my hair shorn closely to my scalp, and have been thinking lately about growing it out again. She thought I was joking when I said I wanted to grow my hair out like Hitman's. I was serious. She didn't believe me.

I guess I'll just have to do it to show her how serious I am! Why on earth she would think I was joking is beyond me! But she does! Me! Of all people!

I'm going to wait until the end of July to start, though, so I can keep it short during the hot months. And since I'm growing out the scalp, why not the facial hair again, too? Perhaps I can post updates as the months go by.

How's that sound, Luce?!!! Are you ready?!

Miller Time

I have always been a fan of Dennis Miller.

I loved his HBO show in the 1990s. He's quite Cosellian, in that he's always "telling it like it is". His obscure references jibe well with my own sense of humor. I found his CNBC show very interesting in a Bizarro kind of way. He's a libertarian, but he "gets it".

On Wednesdays he has a segment on Bill O'Reilly's show, in addition to his appearances on the Fox 1/2 Hour News Hour.


The following rant from that show was posted on Town Commons. I also thank Maverick News Media for the link to the above and YouTube for the video. So hilarious, and so dead-on-target regarding wimp-boy Harry Reid. Dude must be French.


Happy 5th Of July Reading

Job 31, 32 and 33. 1 Corinthians 8.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Wednesday Reading

Job 27, 28, 29 and 30. 1 Corinthians 7.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I Know It's Been Rather Empty Here



This post over at RedbirdBrain sums up exactly how I've felt about the baseball season so far. Hence, the paucity of Cardinals' posts. Ordinarily such seasonal mediocrity would have had me rabidly producing.

However, recently this Doris Day attitude has started to crumble. I've been getting more and more into winning again. Earlier in the year, I thought the Cardinals would be buried by now. The fact that they are still in striking distance before the All-Star Break, with Carpenter, Edmonds and Mulder coming off the DL within the next month, has given me hope for another October surprise.

God help me. Because I've kind of enjoyed this more relaxed approach to baseball. It's not going to last much longer. I'm beginning to awaken out of my peaceful slumber. I'm soon going to be like the SuperFans, awaiting my 15th heart attack.

Readings For Tuesday

Job 25 and 26. 1 Corinthians 6.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Monday Reading

Job 23 and 24. 1 Corinthians 5.