Take Off, To The Great White North

NFC North will be up first on the uniform runway.


Chicago Bears.
Helmet Design: Simple and to the point, a large C is all that is needed, whether dark orange (contemporary) or white (nostalgic), to go with the navy background. I am not a big fan of stripes, so the absence here helps develop the simplicity. While not beautiful, it gets the job done in a nice way.
Score: 1.

Color Scheme: Navy, white, and orange. Okay, I am one of those people who doesn't get the whole orange and blue thing that a lot of teams put together. But the orange here is used only as trim, not as a main color, so I think it works.
Score: 1 for home, 1 for away, which averages to a 1 (higher math is my thing).

Jersey: Again, simplicity goes a long way. The numbers on the sleeve is a better look than on the shoulders. And as for the colors, they are all there.
Score: 1 for home and 1 for away, averages to 1.

Leg Wear: Three varieties. The home version with the simple double stripe on the pant leg is attractive, and this same version works well with the white away jersey. I like the old school look of the dark shoes, and the small stripes on the socks gives just enough distinction to the sock that it is unique. I don't like the blue pants, but I don't dislike them. But I like the away white pants better with the white jersey better. Unfortunately, they have not worn those for awhile.
Score: 1 for home, 1 for white away, and 0 for blue away. Average: 0.67.

Overall Effect: On a snowy day in December or January, the home jersey is a definite 2. But given the relative rarity of this (a January game for the Bears- HA), I give the home and away versions a 1 if pants are white, while again a 0 if blue pants are worn.
Score: Average 0.67.

Historical Factor: I like the look of the white C helmet better than the orange, so I am going to subtract a point from the score for the current version of the uniform. However, due to the lack of major changes over the years and the overall allure and simplicity that has not been ruined by at the moment trends, I will give a point.
Score: -1 plus 1, or 0.

In summary:
HD: 1
CS: 1
J: 1
LW: 0.67
OA: 0.67
HF: 0

TOTAL BEARS SCORE: 4.34


Detroit Lions.
Helmet Design: I can get with the Lion. Again it is simple, just a silhouette. The silver/gray with blue color works too. What I can't go for are the stripes. There are very few helmets that the stripes help, and this ain't one of them. The white just doesn't fit the overall scheme. Too bad, could have been a 2.
Score: 1.


Color scheme: Love the blue, Honolulu I believe it is called. But I think a tan or gold, like UCLA, would be a better secondary color than the gray with this shade of blue. And the home scheme works better than the away.
Score: 1 for home, 0 for road. Average of 0.5.

Jersey: Definite beaut here. I'll overlook the shoulder numbers.
Score: 2 for home and 2 for road. Average of 2.

Leg Wear: Again, I'm not so sure this is the right color for the pants. But I do like the side stripe and socks.
Score: 1 for home and 1 for away. Average of 1.


Overall Effect: Home looks sharp, away looks pretty dull.
Score: 1 for home and 0 for away, average 0.5.

Historic factor: Got to love the fact there has been little messing with this nice number over the years. This is a bonus of 1.

Summary:
HD: 1
CS: 0.5
J: 2
LW: 1
OA: 0.5
HF: 1

TOTAL LIONS SCORE: 6.


Minnesota Vikings.
Helmet Design: The rich purple and the simple viking horn make this a classic. You couldn't make anything any better than this. As good as it gets.
Score: 2.


Color Scheme: Purple and gold do go together and make nice team colors. But throw in a little too much white and it starts to break down.
Score: 2 for home, 1 for away, average 1.5.

Jersey: I like the purple, but I'm not a fan of the shoulder numbers. Therefore, only a 1 for the home jersey. I like the gold shoulder stripe on the away jersey, but it is not as rich as the purple. So a 1 for it also.
Score: 1 for home and away, average 1.

Leg Wear: I like the pants with the stripe, but I don't like the socks, shoes and pants together. Too much white. Dark shoes and socks would be the way to go.
Score: 0 for home, 0 for away, 0 average.

Overall Effect: Put the whole thing together and it looks like a winner at home. Only slightly less attractive, due to all the white, is the road uniform.
Score: 2 for home, 1 for road, average 1.5.

Historic Factor: Again, not screwing this up by adding trendy things over the years counts for something.
Score: 1.

Summary:
HD: 2
CS: 1.5
J: 1
LW: 0
OA: 1.5
HF: 1

TOTAL VIKINGS SCORE: 7.


Green Bay Packers.
Helmet Design: Not a fan of the stripes, but this works okay. The G is nice and bold but the yellow color with white and green doesn't work.
Score: 0.

Color Scheme: Yellow and green, with some white thrown in. You either love it or hate it. The green home uniform works, but the white with the yellow away uniform doesn't.
Score: 1 for home, -1 for away, average 0.

Jersey: The home green with yellow and white stripes looks good. The white numbers also do. And I also like the away scheme.
Score: 1 for home and 1 for away, average 1.

Leg Wear: Doesn't work for me. With the yellow helmet, the yellow pants are okay, but I just don't like it.
Score: -1 for home and -1 for away, average -1.


Overall Effect: It's okay, but I think it could have been done better.
Score: 0.

Historic Factor: I'm all for tradition, but I think this uniform could have been redone to make a more attractive presentation. And it's not like the Packers haven't been around very long to do so.
Score: -1.

Summary:
HD: 0
CS: 0
J: 1
LW: -1
OA: 0.
HF: -1

TOTAL PACKERS SCORE: -1.

I didn't know Kyle Boller was a mudder. But I guess until football changed his life, he was once a Kentucky Derby contender.

Another picture to prove my point- football should be played in the snow. The images are almost surreal.

Let Me Tell You About A Real Christmas Gift

John Feinstein's book, "Let Me Tell You A Story" is an interesting read. I have not made it through the whole thing yet because it weighs in at over 300 pages (and I'm a notoriously slow reader as I have a hard time getting my lips moving that fast). The book is actually a compilation of stories from Red Auerbach's life. Having never met the man, I find it fascinating how one can get an understanding of who a person is from still another person's descriptions. Feinstein does an excellent job at this, which is good because he is, after all, A WRITER. But I'm not sure just yet whether I like this Auerbach guy. It seems people fawn all over the man, and I'm not sure why. He was a basketball player, basketball coach, basketball manager, and basketball president. What is it about these professions that would make grown men treat him like a royal? And from what I have read so far, he does nothing to discourage people from treating him like this. In fact, it seems he kind of expects it. Why though? Maybe my opinion will change as I read more of the book. I did want to read the book, but for the stories, not so much for the presentations of Auerbach worship on various holy Tuesdays.

There is a certain sadness that emanates from the man and his minions. I can't explain it, but I am sure it has something to do with the contrast between the world and what it offers, and Christ, and what He offers. I can't help but think that a person in the position of a man like Red Auerbach believes that when he dies, God will smile on all his accomplishments and accolades like the world did, welcoming him to the kingdom of heaven for a job well done. But reading this book, the recurring thought I have is of the rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16:19-31). Which is why this book saddens me so far.

Favorite Christmas Gift

Mine was the 8 minute DVD- "The St. Louis Cardinals- 2004 World Series Highlights." Watching it, you get to relive the excitement that only this world series brought to us Cardinals fans. Like, for instance...errrr...eh...well...well, like, for instance:

1) Seeing the whole Cardinals team sing "99 bottles of beer" riding the bus in to Fenway Park from their hotel in Delaware for Game 1.
2) Seeing Larry Walker, Julian Tavarez, and Reggie Sanders try to catch snowflakes on their tongues before Game 2.
3) Seeing Steve Kline reading "Frank and Ernest" in the Boston Globe prior to Game 2.
4) Seeing Mike Matheny trying to explain the concept of how a home radon detector works to a bewildered So Taguchi during the seventh inning stretch of Game 1.
5) Seeing the whole team involved in a three hour Busch Stadium exorcism before Game 4. Guess it didn't work. But seeing Jeff Suppan covered in crisco and coconut oil while wearing a grass skirt and those goofy champagne goggles, all the while dancing around in the locker room yelling "RED MEANS GO GO GO GO, NOT NO NO NO", was priceless.
6) Seeing Albert Pujols and Jim Edmonds debate who is the best "Sponge Bob" character after the Game 2 loss. Pujols likes Patrick, but Edmonds appreciates Sandy's athleticism.
7) Seeing the team surrounding and confronting Ttocs Nelor* after Game 4, when Mitchell Paige realizes Scott Rolen was captured and was being held in Bizarro World until the end of the Series. Mitch: "What have you done with Rolen?" Nelor: "Me am Rolen, me not know what you mean." Shortly after this Nelor was held down and blows and kicks started to rain in on him from every Cardinal player.
8) The video mysteriously ends at that point. But through this whole scene, I swear I heard the weepy voice of Tony LaRussa uttering the mysterious code phrase: "Five and twelve? One for four? Not Hall worthy, not a Whitey." Whatever could he have meant?

Ahhhhh. The 2004 World Series. All the exciting St. Louis highlights preserved for posterity. I'll probably play this DVD over and over. May my memories never fade of this fall classic.

*Ttocs Nelor- Arch enemy evil twin of Scott Rolen from Bizarro World, where hitters measure success in strikeouts and OBS (off-base percentage), and pitchers measure success in home runs allowed (see Ttam Sirrom in archives 12/8/04).

And The Winner Was...

Well, after a nice holiday batch of food poisoning, I'm back. So I didn't get the winner of the Worst Christmas Song Ever posted on time for Christmas Eve. Not that it matters, as I'm sure no one is anxious to know that the winner was "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)". I guess better late than never.

Like all the nominees, this creation had nothing to do with Christmas. But it had a lot to do with maudlin sappiness, brutally awful lyrics, and trying very hard to push buttons. So in your continued celebration of the Christmas season, sing a stanza of this winner, the 2004 Worst Christmas Song Ever.

Holy Cow, Santa Spelled Backwards is Atnas

This new commercial for the talking Santa doll from "Polar Express" is creepy. When the doll talks, he sounds just like Harry Carey. Check it out.

Christ-Mass Is Coming

Good article about Christmas. Please ponder what it is saying. Although Lutheran Witness is an LCMS publication, there are still quite a few good confessional folks in this church body who are brothers and sisters, and they need our prayers as they fight the darkness that has co-opted their church.

NFL On The Runway

Wonderful website for fashion critics in the sports industry. I could literally spend hours here. Of all the major sports, the football uniform is the best. I think this is because of the helmet factor, the most important part of the uniform (for more than just a fashion reason). I mean, baseball has helmets and caps, but there is no room for design creativity. And I can't figure out why baseball uniforms have caps anyway unless it is for sun defense. But that doesn't help at night or indoors. Sorry, I digress.

So what is the best and worst the NFL has to offer? I will try to analyze this over the next few days to weeks. And how does one determine this? There are also so many home and away versions for all teams. So, to break this down, let's look at the uniform in its component parts, then the overall effect, in both home and away versions which can then be averaged, factor in a miscellaneous historical score (if the uniform has evolved significantly over time), and come up with an overall rating for each team.

I will use the following scale:
-2= Gollum ugly
-1 = Simply unattractive
0 = Neutral/okay
1 = Attractive
2 = Sweet

Categories will be:
Helmet design (-2 to 2 points)
Color Scheme (-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Jersey (-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Leg and Footwear (-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Overall Effect (-2 to 2 points, average of home and away)
Miscellaneous Historical Factor (+/- any number of points)

Totals will be the sum of the above scores. Winner has the most points, loser the least.

Why do this? Well, why not? Besides, isn't this is the kind of crap for which Algore invented the internet?

Football was meant to be played in the snow.
It is just beautiful.
(Tony Dejak/Associated Press)

Okay, since I have spent time bashing Eli, it's only fair to acknowledge his performance Saturday. Nice job.

Dark, Disturbing, Demented, Deranged, Destructive, Disgusting

What is the matter with these parents? They should lose the right to be parents. Somebody call the department of child welfare. Someone obtain the roster of children who went and rescue them please. Can a parent be more lame? Let's see...there is a free trip to an alleged child molester's home...okay, sign me and my kids up. Come on, what could possibly happen? It's not like there's ever been any funny business connected with this man. What's that? There has been? These people must have left the earth for too long for them not to know better. Or they are just evil. Next time someone in my part of the world is arrested for molesting children, I bet there won't be a busload of kids and parents pulling up to visit the home.

Pardon My Language

It's official---THE BEARS SUCK.

He Wanted To Stay? I Guess It's Okay Then

So, signing with the Red Sox is "a dream come true" for Edgar Renteria? The Red Sox "really tried" to get him. Call me jilted, but I sense a bit of a backhanded slap at my beloved Cardinals. No way I buy this crap about his "first choice was to remain in St. Louis". If he really wanted to stay in St. Louis, why is it a dream come true to play for Boston? If someone really wants something, and it is within one's power to do so, then why not do it? I guess someone made him do something he did not want to do. Apparently Edgar is a child who has decisions thrust upon him he has no control over. Spin, spin, spin, spin, spin, any way you want Edgar, you still won't make me so dizzy as to believe your inconsistent story.

Although the situations are different, I can't help but feel a little bit like I did after 1987 when Jack Clark expressed his love for the St. Louis Cardinals, only to bolt to the Yankees. Clark could have been included in the pantheon of great Cardinals if he only would have stayed. Now he's just a passerby in a glorious bygone era. Respected, yes, but not beloved.

I guess I just don't want to eat the crap other people are serving up. ER, please don't insult me by telling me how much you would have rather stayed where you were (STL), when you obviously didn't want to by your actions (signing with Bosox).

The folks over at the Birdhouse are going to greet Edgar with applause when he comes back to St. Louis this year for the Red Sox-Cardinals inter-league series. My take is, I applauded and yelled for Edgar when he was a Cardinal. I will not do so for a player who made a conscious decision to leave the team. I will not show my approval for a man wearing another uniform by his choice. My loyalty is to my team, not individual players. I'll save my cheers for a man like Jim Edmonds. Edmonds stayed in St. Louis when he could have gone elsewhere for more money. That is loyalty, and that is a man worth acknowledging when he comes to the plate. So next year, when Boston is in town, let's give Jimmy a series of standing ovations when he comes to the plate. I can think of no other way to show appreciation to the man who stayed than to do it in the presence of the man who choose to leave.

When the dust settles on this period of Cardinals history, and the Cardinals are back in rebuilding mode, make no mistake about it. Jim Edmonds will join all the other Cardinal greats in being immortalized for his loyalty and his play. Edgar Renteria will just be a footnote, remembered even less than Jack Clark.

What Are You?

Everyone seems to be in to these online quizzes that tell you what "Christmas Carol" you are, or what character you are from a popular movie or book. I haven't seen many I'd actually be interested in taking. But I would like to see these quizzes in the future:

What cold cereal are you?
What street drug are you?
What Soviet Bloc dictator are you?
What beer are you?
What dead rap artist are you?
What processed meat are you?
What jihad crazed terrorist are you?
What fungus are you?
What steroid crazed athlete are you?
What automatic weapon are you?
What talentless pop music skank are you?
What Zeppelin song are you?
What component of head cheese are you?
What hygiene product are you?
What herbicide are you?
What mental illness are you?
What Gilligan's Island character are you?
What brand of cigarettes are you?

I wonder if they will take my suggestions? If they don't, maybe I'll make up my own quizzes.

Don't Look At Me, I Just Worked There

Reefy Reeky, on 60 Minutes:
"Williams said a third failed drug test made him retire because he was 'scared to death' that people would find out he smoked marijuana."

Well, I've got news for you Ricky, the whole world knows you smoked marijuana. By the way, how many grown men still use the name "Ricky"?

Williams goes on:
"The thing I had the most trouble with was that after you fail your third test, then it becomes public knowledge," said Williams in the interview, parts of which will also be shown on CBS' Sunday pregame show "The NFL Today." "That's one thing I couldn't deal with at the time - people knowing that I smoke marijuana. That was my biggest fear in my whole entire life."

So now that your biggest fears have been realized, now that the cat's out of the bag, why are you not playing football? You have nothing to be afraid of now. Dude, it just doesn't add up to me. That can't be the reason. Only someone doped up on weed could think this makes sense.

Williams also said he has no share in the blame for the Dolphins disaster of a season:
"Ricky Williams insists the Miami Dolphins' dismal season isn't his fault. 'That's their problem ... It's not my problem anymore,' Williams told 60 Minutes in an interview to air Sunday on CBS. 'I played as hard as I could whenever I put that uniform on, but I'm not doing that anymore, you know? I moved on.' "

And I love the last paragraph in this report. I've read it several times, and it still doesn't make any sense:
"To a lot of people, I look very foolish in what I am doing and I understand that," Williams said. "(It doesn't bother me) because the only thing that matters is how I feel, and if I let what they feel affect me, then it changes how I feel."

Yeah, Ricky, life is tough. But maybe how others feel and how others perceive you should make a difference in how you feel, or act. It is part of being an accountable mature adult. But does this make any sense in light of your above statements about how you were afraid of people finding out about your marijuana use? If the only thing that matters is how you feel, then why were you scared about people finding out? Ugh, my circuits are melting down the more I think about this.

I look forward to more interesting quotes in the future from Ricky Williams. This guy has Mike Tyson potential for saying wacky things.

Thank You Sir May I Have Another

Another nominee for Worst Christmas Song Ever. This is not only bad it is monotonous. Here we go again, with "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas), by Bill Danoff and Taffy Nivert :

"Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry
Ple-ease Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry.
Just last year when I was only seven
Now I'm almost eight, as you can see
You came home a quarter past eleven
And fell down underneath our Christmas tree.
Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cryyy-yyy-yy
Ple-ease Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry.
Mama smiled and looked outside the window
She told me "Son, you'd better go upstairs.
"Then you laughed and hollered "Merry Christmas!"
I turned around and saw my mama's tears
Please Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry
Ple-ease Daddy, don't get drunk this Christmas
I don't want to see my mama cry.
No, I don't want to see my mama cryyyyyy."

What are the descriptive words that come to mind for this "song": Redemptive? Beautiful? Nostalgic? Peaceful? None of the above?

I don't want to see mama cry either, but I think I'd start drinkin' if I had to listen to this.

Well hello great Prince Eli, having fun yet? I never knew you would set so many records...for futility. Let's just call you the ice man...because ice freezes at "zero", your QB rating this week.

Murder Is Not Good For Your Life Expectancy

Scott Peterson will never die at the hands of the state, although someone on the inside may perform the deed for California. I have nothing against the concept of the death penalty, but I do have misgivings about the way it is handed out (race and income definitely play a role, and too many innocent people have been sentenced to death). But when there is no question of guilt, and the sentence comes down "death", then it should be carried out regardless of how good a man's lawyer is, or how deep his pockets are, or what color he is.

In this country, there are too many loopholes for the death penalty, and this is the reason, I believe, for the unfairness and controversy around it. If someone did it, and we know they did it, then they ought to be done. That's it. The game is over. I'm thinking of monsters like that Polly Klaas killer. And the person should not even be allowed to know when it's coming. I think it was John Gibson who espoused this idea. Plant an explosive device inside the convicted person, which will go off at a set time that the guilty does not know. He'll walk around the rest of his life wondering if the next breath will be his last.

But, alas, Scott is rich, white, and has supposedly good lawyers. Plus, he lives in California. I don't believe he has much to worry about in regards to this death sentence.

Mission: Impossible

Jim Rome reported one of the funniest things I have heard this year. It seems Karl Malone and Kobe Bryant are not getting along, and Kobe doesn't want Karl back when he is recovered from his knee injury. According to Kobe, Karl "hit on" his wife at a Lakers game. What else (besides forcing Karl out of LA) is Kobe prepared to do to Karl? Well, according to Rome, Kobe threatened to "kick his (Malone's) ass"! Wow, is Kobe grounded in reality or what?

Here are some other things Kobe believes he can do, which will all happen before he will ever be able to kick Karl's ass:
Buy his wife's forgiveness with jewelry.
Sell popcorn at halftime.
Work on the human genome project.
Fly commercial aircraft.
Find Osama Bin Laden.
Rid the world of AIDS.
Become invisible by snapping his fingers and saying "Kaazam".
Dead lift the weight in cash of all his lost endorsement deals.


Besides vanquishing Karl, I do know one other thing Kobe will never be able to do. Lead the Lakers to another NBA title.

I'd Be A Little Chilly

I don't like Notre Dame sports teams. So I was glad to see Tyrone Willingham get fired because he is a great coach. He just didn't have the pieces and was broken off after only 3 years instead of the usual 5 given at Notre Dame. So, I am not distraught, and won't be doing this. Surely this woman knows there is a strong chance she will be bald the rest of her life. Another sad part of this story is that she could be right, and no one is going to take her seriously.

But I did start to thinking about what I might look like without hair (frightening isn't it). God knew what he was doing with this hair thing.

Alas, Another Contender

Hold the press releases on the Worst Christmas Song Ever. I have another nominee. It is...as bad...as...soap poisoning. It is called "Christmas on the Moon." Words and music by Jerry Silverman. Sing along with me, if you please:

"Christmas on the moon, let's spend Christmas on the moon,
Far above the earth and its cares, we'll catch Santa unawares.
We'll float beneath the starry skies, and we'll watch the old earth rise,
On an old time Christmas like we uster, rendezvousing with our booster.
For the boy and girl with ev'rything, how about a little lunar fling?
In a capsule that's just built for two, let's rocket to the moon, I mean, sock it to the moon.

And we'll spend Christmas on the moon, let's spend Christmas on the moon,
'Round and 'round the moon we will go, in our guided mistletoe.
Away out there in outer space, we'll meet Santa face to face,
All the Christmas lights will shine so brightly, as we touchdown satellitely.
Just my little honey babe and me, we'll defy the law of gravity.
There is one thing to be thankful for, although we may be weightless, we surely won't be dateless.

For our Christmas on the moon, let's spend Christmas on the moon,
All our blessings we'll be countin' when the earth comes over the mountain,
Let's spend Christmas on the, Christmas on the moon."


Oh, I forgot. I hope you did not sing out loud. I would hate for someone to hear you, and thereby end up in the Cuckoo's Nest for Christmas.

I think this one has to be the frontrunner. Winner to be announced Christmas Eve. There is still time for other nominees.

Cheech And Chong Even Knew Who He Was

I was watching an awful TV program last night with my family on TV Land about the 100 best something in TV history, which included the 1972 Summer Olympic Murders. On one of the clips about the infamous terrorist Arafattack, I saw a flash from the past that I had forgotten all about. Remember Chris Schenkel? I loved that guy. He had the best voice and delivery of any sportscaster in history (yes I know Cards fans, Jack Buck, Jack Buck, but to me Jack is #1a). I don't believe any one could even argue this. He was so cool, soothing, and serene he was almost surreal. Just remembering hearing his distinct voice on Knicks games on ABC when I was a kid, or on college football, or even bowling for crying out loud, brings me great joy. I think he even did some American Sportman shows (could be wrong about this) and some Wide World of Sports segments. It's funny how my memories of pre-cable weekend sports shows are more meaningful to me than anything produced in the super-saturated era we live in now. Maybe it's because I was just a kid. Anyway, I miss Chris Schenkel. He did not try to be mister phoney-baloney personality guy. And from what I've read about him, he was an even better guy than he was professional sports announcer.

By The Way, Madam Wasn't Real Either

Scene: Family sitting around watching TV Land. A commercial comes on for ALF's Hit Talk Show.

Son: I know ALF's a puppet, so how do they make him seem life-like?
Mother (with subtle hint of surprise in her voice): ALF's a puppet?

(Fade).


The story you see printed above is true. The names were changed to protect the guilty.

I Hope There Are Enough Parachutes To Go Around

This is scary. Please Walt, get busy (like he needs me to tell him that). Looking at this roster as is, the Cards have more holes to fill than I thought. And once the dominoes start to fall this offseason (they probably will soon), there won't be a lot of time or room to maneuver. I know last season was a once in a lifetime experience, but how embarrassing would it be to have the best record in baseball one year and not make the playoffs the next? In my mind it would be worse than being the 2003 Angels or the 2004 (or 1998) flavor of the Marlins. At least those franchises tasted the sweetness of a world championship before being a failure the next year.

Fa blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah

Fifty four degrees and sunny on December 9th. The weather here is more suited for South America, not North, this time of year. The atmosphere doesn't seem right to shop or decorate. I know there are only sixteen days until Christmas, but there is no way I'm deckin' my halls until my jingle bells get frosty.

Now For Some Good News

Good move (I think) by the Cardinals in re-signing Matt Morris. Much less money than last year even considering incentives, and with a lot of potential upside if he recovers from injury, a la Chris Carpenter. Downside is that we could get more of Bad Matt (AKA Ttam Sirrom*) than Good Matt. But the real risk has been decreased by it being only a one year deal.

More good news with Matheny and Renteria being offered arbitration. And the Cubs are strapped with Nomar for an entire year.

I would also consider Tony Womack signing with the Yankees to be good for the Cardinals. I know of no one who thinks Womack will equal or surpass last season's performance. The only down side is not being able to say "Tony Wo" any more when talking about our second baseman.

Perhaps 2005 will not signal the return of the Slanidracs**.


*Ttam Sirrom- Bad Matt Morris, hails from Bizarro World, where pitchers want and like to give up home runs.
**Slanidracs- The Anti-Cardinals, the Bad Cardinals, from Bizarro World also. They are known to show up to play in place of the real Cardinals from time to time. Last sightings: 2004 World Series, September 2003.

Babs 1974-2004

An Ape Knows Not His Time (Or Her Time)

Sad news from Chicago. As always, I feel bad for the kids. Condolences to the family.

Worst. Christmas Song. Ever.

I nominate "Candy Kid" by Tony Romeo. Found this in an old piano book. Just look at these fine lyrics:

"Feelin' so depressed I wasn't up to getting dressed
it was a Saturday night so I decided against a party.
There was Christmas in the air and you could feel it ev'rywhere,
and it kinda brought me down cuz I felt I just wasn't ready.

I headed on down to the center of town
Where folks were shopping around and all the colored lights were pretty.
And suddenly I could hear so loud and so clear
such beautiful music and the rhythm was happy.

Chorus:
It was the Candy Kid from the mission Bow'ry.
A hobo Santa working for the Salvation Army.
Come drop a nickel in the kettle.
The Candy Kid will dance your troubles away.

Watchin' him move, people couldn't help but groove
And they were clappin' their hands and singin', "Come on Candy."
While we were caught in this glow it may have started to snow,
I don't know, I don't know, my happy soul was diggin' Candy.
(Chorus)"


I don't know, I don't know? Well, actually I do. Yuck.

Cute, Real Cute

I hate it when churches try to be cute. In fact I find it down right offensive. A billboard in town is advertising (ugh) one of the local so-called Lutheran churches and a "look at what we are doing" Live Nativity Show. The focal point of this program? "Jesus- king of the comeback". Way to go. Sum up the life, suffering, death, and resurrection of Christ the King in to one snappy attention getting catch-phrase. Strong work, people. Forgive me for not being impressed.

Almost as bad was the advertisement on television of one of the local Christian churches, inviting the public to a musical celebration of Christmas. So what was the Christmas hymn being sung by the choir on the commercial? That fine exposition of the gospel, "Sleigh Ride".

Sticks and Stones...Something... Something About Names

Blog9 has a link (registration required) to those wacky celebrities and their baby names. Actually, there is a secret celebrity name pool that is used to make these decisions. Yet to be used on this list:
Litigious
Corporal
Jelly
Cricket
Risky
Roto
Felony
Altoid
Carbon
Universe
Cialis
Silicone
Romulus
Sheol
Ranch
Triscuit
Chronic
Maximus

Actually I must confess I put that last one in myself.

Use It In A Sentence Please

My wife has an interesting way with the English language. Sometimes words come out mangled a little. We were discussing what to listen to on the car radio while driving to work. She doesn't like listening to Jim Rome because some of the sound clips he plays have bleeps in them (for instance, parts of Jim Mora's famous post-game meltdown while he was coaching the Colts). She said she did not like when people can't talk without using "explicatives".

The Mirriam Webster Online Dictionary defines explicative as: serving to explicate; specifically : serving to explain logically what is contained in the subject . Somehow, I don't think this is the word she meant. Hmm, I wonder what she did mean?

Are You Ready For Some Christmas?

We'll all no doubt hear this question lots of times this holiday season. My pastor had a great sermon yesterday regarding being ready for Christmas. We need to focus on Christ rather than on all the trappings.

Last year I would have responded like this:
Q: Are you ready for Christmas?
A: Not yet, I'm waiting till the last minute.

This year I am going to respond:
Q: Are you ready for Christmas?
A: You mean celebrating the birth of Christ our Lord and Savior? Yes I am, and hopefully will be every day.